A New Beginning
by: Dahlia Black

Eliza's POV

I sighed quietly as I looked down at my flight ticket. I walked over to the gate and took a seat to wait for boarding. It was now August 10th, two days since James had died, and I had managed well enough to keep on a brave face. But my fa├žade was quickly disappearing as I sat here thinking. He was supposed to be here. He was supposed to be next to me, telling me not to worry. Telling me that everything would be okay as soon as we got to Hartford. I was trying so hard to think of the encouraging words he would have been telling me. Anything to make me feel better about leaving.

His funeral was tomorrow. I felt like shit for not going to my own boyfriend's funeral, but I just couldn't bare to go. I don't think I would be able to handle seeing my beloved in a coffin being lowered into the ground to rot for the rest of eternity. Okay, I know I'm being slightly overdramatic, but still. I just didn't think I could make it through his funeral without having a mental breakdown. In my head, I was still convincing myself that it was some huge joke. That James really was okay, and he would be meeting me at the airport. Well, obviously it wasn't a hoax because he wasn't here. He wasn't with me.

I still feel like it was my fault, no matter what anyone says. I should have never said those things to him. But I was angry. I speak before I think and now I have to face the consequences. But I know he would have forgiven me. James being the ever generous soul, the only one to ever give me a second and third and fourth chance. I also knew he would forgive me for not being there tomorrow. I run from my problems, in this case, I'm running half way across the country, but I just can't face that this is reality. He would have understood that I needed to get away as soon as possible. He would have gone with me.

"Now boarding flight 192," I heard over the speakers. I quickly got up to go stand in line in the "A" section to board my plane. I grabbed my carry on bag and turned my iPod up a little higher. I was currently listening to "I Miss You" by blink-182. I had what I call my "mourning" playlist on repeat for the past two days. When I got to the front of the line, I handed my ticket to the redhead and I walked into the hallway that would take me to the plane.

I walked to the very back of the plane, taking a seat in the last row next to the window. I was thankful there were no seating arrangements on this airline. As everyone came in and took their seats, I looked over to see a very tired middle-aged man in a suit sitting in the isle seat next to me. Thankfully, there was an empty seat between us. I looked down at the empty seat. That's where James would have been sitting if he had been here. I quietly sighed and looked out the window. I was getting tired of sad music so I changed the song to "Dance with the Devil" by Breaking Benjamin. I felt like they were talking to me, like James was talking to me through that song.

I believe in you, I can show you that
I can see right through all your empty lies
I won't last long, in this world so wrong

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard the pilot say that we were getting ready for take off and to please turn off all cell phones and electronics. I pulled my cell phone out of my jeans pocket and made sure it was off and turned my iPod off. I sat there quietly looking at the empty seat next to me. If James had been here, he would be squeezing my hand. He had this fear of flying and roller coasters. Something about the way it made his stomach feel.

I shook my head a bit and looked out the window. This was it. I was leaving for good. It was over now. I no longer had to fight to survive. I had done it. I had gotten out alive. I had always thought this would be the best feeling ever, yet I had this aching empty feeling in my chest. Something was missing. He was missing. My James was gone. He wasn't coming back. And now I was leaving with nothing but memories of him. I quietly fought the tears that were threatening to fall. I had to be strong. He would have wanted me to get out.

The pilot came back on the speaker and told the passengers that they were now allowed to turn on electronics. I took my iPod out of my pocket. I put the headphones in my ears, put our song on, and turned the volume up all the way. I sank into my seat and snuggled into his hoodie. It still had his scent. That mixture of faint cologne and cigarette smoke. It was comforting, his scent seemed to instantly calm me.

Until the day I die (until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you

It was our song. Ironic, isn't it? This song, even with all the screaming, made me feel at peace. He hated screamo music, even though I loved it. But somehow, he had become attached to the song. This became our song when we were 13 years old. I still remember the day we made it our song. The memories washed over me, attacking me like a silent movie playing in my head. I quietly let a tear slip down my cheek before quickly brushing it away and regaining my composure.

I took a deep breath to steady myself. I had to be strong. This is what he would have wanted for me, to be happy. He would have wanted me to follow my dreams and to get out of Texas. He would have wanted me to continue my life.

I know this isn't the end, it's only the beginning. I know that, even though I can't see him, he will always be there, watching over me. No matter what direction my life goes in, I will never forget him. He will always be in my heart and I will always cherish our memories together. I may eventually move on, but I will always love him. He was the one for me. My one and only. Rest in peace, my love.

And though I cannot see you
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my mind

We cannot separate
'Cause you're part of me
And though you're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel you by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone


Author's Note: This is just something I've had sitting on my computer for a while. It was originally going to be an epilogue for another story of mine, but as usual, I could never finish the entire story, so with some editing I decided this could stand as a one-shot. Please review. All critisism accepted, including flames.

Disclaimer: The songs used in this chapter were "Dance with the Devil" by Breaking Benjamin, "Until the Day I Die" by Story of the Year, and "Never Alone" by BarlowGirl. I do not own any of these songs or bands. Although, I love those songs!