One step into the room and I realize this was a

bad idea.

She said everything was alright,

but that was a lie.

Eyes look, but don't

peripheral vision is weak,

but it doesn't dampen the feel


eyes on me.


red, burning,



I didn't mean to,

I want to tell her,

but then I remember,

I did!

I told her, begged, pleaded,


for forgiveness

and she said it was ok,

that she forgave me


Forgiveness must be earned,

the voice of a dead man sounds weakly in my memories.

He was right, of course,

my papa was a smart man.

I can't earn it here, though.

I don't even get a chance, just the blame.

And the worst part is that I can't hate her for it.

It's my fault.

I put on my best smile, fake and well-learned,

I've had a lot of opportunity lately,

to practice.

They have theirs on to,

turned cold the minute I entered.

They greet me, sugar-sweet greeting,

with just a hint of the cold,

lurking underneath.

Just stay calm,

I murmur in my mind,

you can do this,

Familiar little lies,

making the day a bit easier,




So, how have you been doing, How dare you show your face here?

Just lovely, I tried to kill myself.

That's great, you should feel guiltier, you unfeeling harlot.

And on and on and on.

A quiet condemnation,

fitting in perfectly with this quiet little house,

quaint and small.

The scent of homemade potpourri reaches my nostrils,

I try not to flinch,

at the memories of home,

can't show weakness, not here.

The picture we must make,

A table,

five cups of tea,

and one


AN: Unbeta'd little random thing. Sorry about the delay with Coward, but school's just started again and I'm tired.

R&R please?