As I sit here carving holes into my wrists I claim that it is all in the name of art, that I am helping painters to paint and sculptors to sculpt and writers to write, though I do not quite understand the justification myself.

I guess on some level I am hoping that something will come out of this so that I appear to have some purpose, my life finally making sense only as it slowly ebbs away.

Though of course it won't ebb away will it...

There is no rest for the wicked, as people say, and it is true. I do not remember rest. I can't recall what it was like to feel, to see... to breathe...

You remember her kisses though...

The knife digs in deeper as the familiar voice resounds in my head and my cutting becomes more frantic, small gasps escaping my lips as I try to drown out the words in my head.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. No one is supposed to have their entire life ahead of them, have everything planned out to perfection, only to find there is no point to it. Everything is lost just because your head and your heart beat to a different tune and you try everything to lose one of them, not caring which goes first.

Though if I were to be honest with myself I would wish for my head to leave my heart alone. I didn't love her, the one my head wanted, I didn't really love her. It was a marriage of convenience but I managed to convince myself that it was real, or at least I thought I had. She loved me, so I thought it was for the best. It was all going fine until...

Until Selene came along...

I cry out at the sound of her name and move the blade so that it is in my other hand, allowing me to draw more blood from a different limb. The pain rips through my veins but I am numb to it, I feel nothing. I expect nothing. It has been like this for a while now.

I carve a symbol into my arm, something that vaguely resembles a heart and as I do so I swear I feel my own beat, but I know it didn't. I know it wouldn't dare disobey what she has done to me.

But she did many things to you...

I throw my knife to the side and collapse to my knees, holding my head in my hands and covering my ears, hoping that somehow I could silence the voices by depriving them of oxygen. Asphyxiate them...

It's a funny thing, asphyxiation. I always thought that you could only be asphyxiated by drowning or being smothered with a pillow but as it turns out there is so much more to it than that. A simple presence can suffocate you; a mouth atop yours can cut off more than just oxygen.

And of course you know this only too well...

I barely even flinch as the voices defy my feeble attempts to kill them. They are right of course. I do know this very well. My heart fell in love with Selene as soon as I saw her and she knew it too, she wanted it to happen and it did. Like magic.

My head warned me against it but being the fool I was I ignored the voices of reason just like I ignored the wife I already had. As I soon found out, falling in love with two people, or rather falling in love with one person whilst you are supposed to adore another can do worse things to you than kill you, much worse things.

I pick up my knife again and continue to slice into my flesh, starting from the beginning as the wounds I had made previously have healed and the blood that had dripped to the floor has now fizzed away, leaving large scorch marks behind like acid would.

As the new crimson tears fall in perfect crystal shapes I recall seeing them at an earlier date, dripping down someone's chin.

Not just anyone's chin...

I barely hear the voices now as I return to a different time, reliving the night that it happened. It's the only memory I have that remains clear to me in amongst the disarray and madness that fills my mind and I cling onto it, ignoring the fact that it is the one memory I should erase forever.

I followed her when she asked me to. I didn't know where we were going, at this point I didn't even know who she was but I followed her because my heart told me too. Even when we arrived here and I saw the bones that were half buried in the ground I continued to walk with her, not caring what she did to me as I long as I got to be in her presence.

When we arrived in the centre of the room, the centre of this room, she swivelled around to face me, showing me what she was. Her previously emerald eyes were now glowing a bright hungry red and her mouth hung open slightly as two fangs appeared, one either side of her waiting tongue.

But only one thing ran through my mind as she licked her delicious lips and I knew I had to kiss her before I went insane, so I did just that, though it did not preserve my sanity. Her kisses left me wanting more but she wouldn't let me have what I desired. She bit me before it went any further.

That was decades ago.

And yet I'm still here. Afraid to leave when it first happened and now it's too late. I should be dead. I wish I were, I long for death but it doesn't come. I cry out once again as I see my wrists are perfectly fine, the cuts healed and the blood dissolved.

I should have realised at the time that it was wrong to fall in love with someone I shouldn't have. If I had the chance to go back to the night I met Selene I know I would still end up here anyway because no matter how hard you try, you can't silence what's really in your heart...

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this story...