i guess it's too much
october lies (august 28, 2008, 2:23pm)
lyrics&title credit to: paramore, "adore"

"letting go takes love"
(echo&october combined)

"if i let you love me–

i carved a promise into my thighs to never get in between us and happiness, each cut a promise of something more, something better. i traced each memory, each line a word of promise, reminding myself that things would get better, but only if i let them. i tuck my legs together each time we lay together, praying you don't notice, praying you don't touch them and break their bonds. i pray you don't notice, knowing i'd be met with only silence should you see them in their ironic beauty.

"be the one adored–

months later, and i'm still tracing and retracing the contours forever etched into my skin, once smooth and untouched, once milky white and pure. i tell myself at night that you'll never know the things you should, i tell myself that you'll never notice that you're missing things, many things. i hide all the secrets in my arms, in my chest, safely behind my ribs, knowing that you'll never care enough to find them; knowing you'll never care enough to notice them, restless and cramped underneath my heart, begging for your attention.

"would you go all the way–

the pain is nothing, nothing, except when compared to the ache beneath my heart, when the ache gets just a little worse each day. the pain is nothing when compared the look in your eyes when i tell you, "no, this isn't something you'll ever want to hear," telling you that all the trust i had ever placed in your hands withered away with all our love. it rotted away, each day, when you ignored the proof of all those promises i made to you, and threw away all the hope for us i never had.

"be the one i'm looking for."

\ \ \ the mask we all have, the lies that reach our lips
they're nothing when compared to pretending that everything's fine,
when you know it's not.