Ok so this year in 8th grade I had to do an SOL writing prompt. The prompt was "if you could read the minds of your teacher and students what would you do?" I wrote one that got me a perfect score. Downside is it got flagged. Flagged means something in it was very disturbing or possibly meant harmful or suicidal. Stuff like that. Well I wanted to type it so you could tell me if it deserved to be flagged and also because it is a good piece of writing. The SOL graders, my principal, my counselor, and my English teacher all compared it to Stephen King. And the VT massacre man but that's because of the subject and does not mean I am going to go shoot a bunch of people. Okay?
Anyways enjoy. Review.
WARNING: Not a happy story. Disturbing.
Chatter filled the hallways as the students poured out of their first period class. Girls gossiped and laughed in large groups as they headed to second period. Boys argued over sports and girls as they, too, made their way to second period. Among the throngs of happy people an emaciated girl used to walk alone. She carried her binder with two arms over her chest as if it were a shield. This girl knew nothing about love, friendship, or good times. Her life was full of sorrow, her heart so fragile that one little thing shattered it.
The normal human only hears the thoughts of other humans that are spoken aloud. Thoughts that can be the full truth or only half the truth. The mind of a person is certainly a very complex thing. Different thoughts are always appearing and disappearing at random moments. Remarks that are best left unsaid are stored away, well. This girl who use to walk alone was given a "gift." She could hear those thoughts.
She awoke from her bed this very morning to an empty house and no breakfast, once again. She deliberately took her time walking to school; dread filling her empty stomach as she got closer to school. She arrived in the parking lot of the school surveying the normal scene that was taking place. Parents dropping off their kids, friends meeting up with friends, nothing abnormal about it at all. As she made her way through the front doors of the school it began. A low buzz began to form in the back of her brain. It increased as she went deeper into the school. Words and sentences all jumbled in her brain, ricocheting off one another. Making it difficult to decipher each word clearly.
As it became an earsplitting roar the girl clutched her head. She dropped to the floor yearning for the "voices" to fade. They did not, as people gathered around to watch her visibly breakdown, the "voices" increased. She screamed in agony. She had no idea what was causing this or what "this" really was.
She picked herself off the floor and pushed passed the bystanders. She sprinted out of the school building to hopefully stop the "voices" that filled her head. She fell down quite a bit bloodying her knees and hands. She reached her vacant house, out of breath and in immense pain. She race into the house closing and locking every window and door.
She locked herself in the bathroom. It had not windows or closets. Just a crack and dirty toilet and a chipping, leaking sink. The "voices" were still screaming inside her head. She pressed her forehead against the icy tile of the bathroom floor. Although the coldness numbed her it did not decrease the "voices." Tears streamed down her face as she crawled out of the bathroom.
She lay in the kitchen grasping a bottle of vodka. Her mother kept nothing but alcohol in the kitchen. The girl took a large swig hoping that the burn of the drink would keep her mind of the "voices." It did, slightly. The harsh vodka burned her throat as she took even larger sips. Her mind, itself, became fuzzy causing the "voices" to slur together. It sounded like a broken CD playing, with that thought she let out a laugh.
She laughed and laugh each time the laugh becoming more psychotic. When she ran out of vodka she threw the glass bottle across the room. It crashed against the wall sending large chunks of glass everywhere. A large, extremely point piece landed near the girl. A sickly sweet smile formed on the girls face. She had finally found a way to make the "voices" stop.
She lifted the glass to her head hovering just inches away from her scalp. She giggled and then began to stab herself in the head with the glass. Over and over she stabbed, blood splattered everywhere. She laughed hysterically as the "voices" dimmed as did her heartbeat. She did not care though, nothing mattered to her anymore. Nothing at all because the "voices" were finally gone.
Ok so yeah. That was the story that got flagged. I know I used She a lot in it but whatever.
Please tell me what you think. I want a thourough review not
"OMG! So creepy yet good!" I would appreciated a more thoughtful review.
Also this is a one-shot obviously. The main character is dead. Also this was an essay for the SOL I never thought to continue it.
Also this took me 7 and a half hours to write. And this is one of my favorite stories I have ever written so be nice.
Until Next Time