"I don't consider myself a pessimist. I think of a pessimist as someone who is waiting for it to rain. And I feel soaked to the skin."
It has the ability to destroy, it has the ability to corrode, it has the ability to heal a wounded soul. I am a wounded soul.
Am I weak? Do you find me pathetic for admitting that I am hurt by life, by love?
Some call me a pessimist. Some say I am a cynic. I prefer to think of myself simply as experienced in life and aware of what it truly entails. Yes, I am only young, but please, do not let that fool you.
I have seen a lot in my few years and it has shaped me into what I am today. I may not appear to you to be any different than others of my age, but image can be deceiving and you mustn't let my facade shatter the reality of my heart.
My foolish heart.
I too feel soaked to the skin, though by what liquid I am not entirely sure. It could be by the rain that I gladly dance in as it descends to this earth. It could be by the tears that roll night after night out of my blue orbs, constantly bloodshot from keeping my emotions composed until I am sheltered by twilight. Or perhaps it is by the blood that runs through my veins before entering into the aforementioned wreckage that is my heart. I don't know.
I am unsure about many things.
I am aware of a few things however. I know that wherever I go I will take my friends with me, whether in body or in spirit, it does not matter. I have learnt so much from them and they have always been there for me, how could I ever leave them?
I also know – and I apologise in advance to those of you who are not religious – that God will be with me wherever I go, He and my friends walking side by side, carrying me.
But does this mean I do not have the right to be afraid? I trust God with my life, though of course I am still apprehensive about where He will lead me. The temptation to stray from what He wants is often unbearable.
It is odd that as a vegetarian, I find it fairly easy to resist the temptation of meat, yet I cannot seem to resist the temptation that is sinful. I fall so often...
I always get up again though, even if it is only to stumble again a few minutes later.
Is it wrong to be pessimistic or cynical when you have God with you? I have the highest power in the world carrying me on His shoulders with the rest of my brothers and sisters, but does this mean I have to wear rose tinted glasses?
Because if it does... well if it does then I need to start my life again...
A/N: Like I said, random ramblings. Don't review if you don't want to, I just had the urge to write this. I doubt it makes much sense, know train of thought at the time... xD