The dagger was dripping wet from the blood that had just been spilt. The horror of the scene played across my face. Had I really just done that? Had I really just killed the only thing on this God forsaken planet that I truly loved and cared for? Does this make me a monster? Then again what do people describe monsters as being these days? The bogyman? The thing that lives in your closet or the thing that lives under your bed? I can't be put into that category, for I have done worse than them. They are mellow compared to me. I was just so thirsty and I wanted a drink so badly. My stomach gurgled and beat at my insides to do as it commanded. I told myself that I would just let it go, like all the other times I felt like that. But no I fell prey to myself, and I couldn't take it anymore. So I gave myself what I have always been wanting. A taste of life, the taste that still stains my tongue as we speak. I just don't understand why it was just so easy for me to kill her. Why it happened or how it happened. All I remember is my stomach hurting the worst it has ever hurt in my whole life, and I looked at her throat and instantly my mouth began to water. Then the next thing I knew the pain was gone and I was standing in our living room with a dagger dripping blood. She was nowhere to be seen, but I knew that I had killed her. I had taken her life with my own two hands. She was such a happy person, so full of life and wonder. She was my everything and now I am nothing without her. I feel as if a black pit has grown inside of me and there is no way for me to escape it. So eventually I will give into that black pit, and forever be gone from this place. Living without her is like living without air. It's hard to breath, my lungs swell up and everything gets blurry. I just need to fall into my nothingness and leave this place behind.
I just need my escape……
"Petra! Petra get up!"
I groaned and sat up straight whipping the drool from my cheek.
"What'd I miss?"
My best friend Kati smiled at me, "Well let's see the professor was going on about how students should pay attention to him as he is giving a lecture. That's when he used you as an example."
My jaw dropped and I looked around the class room to find it empty. Great so I was asleep for the whole lecture. That's just great, the whole reason I went to college was to learn something that the stupid teachers in middle school and high school couldn't teach me. The teachers just couldn't grasp the reality that we as kids need to learn something that we would actually be using in real life. So that's why I'm here, and I can't even stay awake for the first day of class. God I suck!
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
She giggled, "You just looked so cute there, with your head on the desk and drool spilling out of your mouth. Hehe you even managed to snore a bit."
I blushed and buried my head in my hands, "I already managed to embarrass myself on the first day. Great!"
She giggled even harder, "It's ok there isn't any cute guys in class so you didn't really embarrass yourself."
I groaned again and let my head fall onto the desk. I can't believe this is already happening to me. I don't think that I can go one day in my life without screwing something up for myself.
"It's ok hun, it's just a class. And his lecture wasn't even that good in the first place. So don't sweat it. Ok?"
I sighed and stood, gathered all of my things.
"Yeah I guess since we didn't learn anything to day I'll be fine. I just wish that I hadn't fallen asleep. I feel terrible, now the professor will be picking on me. That's just how it always goes with me."
I sighed again, "I guess we better be going then. What time is it anyways?'
She brought her wrist up to her face so she could peer at the time, "It is approximately 11:50 as of…….now."
I smiled, "Thanks, you want to go get some lunch or something? I'm kind of hungry." As I said this I heard my stomach growl at me. I laughed and put my hand on my stomach.
Kati smiled, "Yeah lets feed you before you eat your hand off or something."
I laughed at that and walked myself out of the classroom and waited for Kati to join me. We went down the halls and out of the school into the parking lot. I saw her walking to her own car, "Wait I thought we were taking mine?"
"Nah I want to take mine, mine has air conditioning." She laughed and opened the driver's side door and got in. I stood there and stared at her then got into the passenger side and buckled my sit belt.
"So where we going for lunch Kat?"
She looked over at me as she started the car and let it idle there as she thought of a place to go.
"How about you just pick a place that you see and we will go there. At the moment I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for."
I smiled at her, "Ok, hey do you think that we could do a little shipping when we are out?"
"Uh sure, did you have any place in particular that you wanted to go to?"
I thought for a moment, "No, but I would like to just take a peek at the shops downtown. They have the cutest things there. Everything's just so old, ah I love it."
"Hehe uh um ok, sure we can stop there if you want."
"Yeah, it's no problem for me at all."
She put the car in drive and drives out of parking lot into onto the street. I looked over at my friend and noticed just how beautiful she was. I hadn't noticed it until now. She long blond hair, her perfectly shaped lips, her elegantly long fingers, her soft skin. It's not like I was infatuated with her or anything, it's just I had never really looked at her fully. I just saw her as my friend, someone that was there for me when I need her the most. But now I just finally saw her as a woman, as someone that guys could pant over. I 'm not quite sure why I girl such as her is hanging out with me. It confuses me, but she is the only person that I can really understand. I hope she feels the same way. I wonder why she doesn't have a boyfriend, she beautiful enough, smart enough. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her, she's perfect. I understood why no man would ever want me. I wasn't anything near as perfect as Kati. If you were to compare me to her I would look like the ugly step sister. The one that you throw into the closet when companies over just so they aren't embarrassed. People say that I'm too hard on myself, that I am beautiful. I just think that they are crazy; I mean have they seen me. Have they truly seen me? I look at myself everyday in the mirror and try to see something that I find about myself that others see. I just don't see it; everything I see is just ugly. No man in his right mind would want me or want anything to do with me.
As this thought crossed my mind I Kati stopped at a stop light. I looked out the window and I wasn't exactly looking for anything in particular. But that's when I spotted, down an alley a man. I don't think that it was a normal ordinary man, because his eyes were a little off. And the way he portrayed himself was a bit queer. I wasn't quite sure why the man was there. I pressed my face a bit closer to the window to try and get a better look at him. I think he saw what I was doing because he looked up from the ground and looked straight at me. I froze in place where I was. It felt like I couldn't breathe, like everything in my body just stopped and couldn't re-start. It felt as if his eyes were looking into my soul. I know that's kind of cliché to say but it's just what it feels like. I tried my best to look way, but his eyes held mine in place where they were. Even if I wanted to I couldn't look away. The light must have turned green because I car started moving again, and the trance that I was held in was broke. I blinked twice and rubbed my eyes.
What the hell was that about? That has never happened to me, never. I looked out the window aimlessly, searching for something that wasn't there. That man was strange, why was he in an alley?
"Hey Kati on second thought can we stop by the downtown first?"
I relaxed a bit more in my seat. The drive to downtown was a long drive so I figured that I would just get as comfortable as possible. I laid my head back against the seat and rolled my head to look out the window again. Ever since I saw that man I couldn't help but look out the window and see if he was there again. In some kind of weird way, I want him to be there again. I was intrigued by just the look of him. He looked like a very interesting person that had something dark about him that he didn't want anyone to know about. So he hides behind things, to stay way for something that he doesn't want to share with people. But his eyes, his eyes are things that told me the most about him. That man looked hurt, like he
had lost something so very close to his heart. Almost like his heart was the thing that had been taken out of him. Why would a man look so sad?
The whole reason for me wanting to go to downtown first was to go find him. To see if he had somehow made his way down there. But then again that could just be me thinking, wishing and thinking for things that I could never have. It's like when I was a child my parents would ask me before every Christmas what I wanted Santa to bring to me. I told them every time what I wanted. So on Christmas Eve I would go to bed with the knowledge that I would be getting what I had asked for. I knew that that old white-bearded man would come to me in the middle of the night, bearing a sack full of my treats that I had asked for. So when I awoke in the morning and ran to the Christmas tree, I violently ripped open the nicely wrapped packages expecting to see what I asked for. But when I opened it all the way and revealed to myself what I had received. I always looked at the gift in surprise, because I couldn't believe that my parents had done it again to me. I actually believed that if I told them what I wanted then they would give me it. So every year from about when I was 5 to 10 I told my parents each year what I wanted. And each year they would give me some stupid clothing that I had no interest in. But then again when I was little I didn't care for clothing or anything like that. I wanted the toys, the latest and greatest that money could buy. I was a picky child. But then again my parents where the ones that raised me this way. So they have to take some of the blame, but now at age 20 I don't think the same way that I once did.
Kati pulls into a parking garage, and finds the closets spot to the entrance. I stretched when she has put the car in park and turns off the engine. I unbuckle my seatbelt and open the door. Once standing again I stretched even bigger and yawned.
"So where to first my besty?"
She walked up next to me, "Where ever you want."
I thought for a moment, "How about we just start walking and things will go from there?"
She nodded once, and we began to walk out of the parking garage when Kati stopped.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Oh I just forgot my wallet in the car, I'll be back."
I stood there waiting for her to come back. I looked out across the street and spotted something in a tea cup shop that would go great with a dish that I had back at home. I know my mom would love it. She and I have been collecting tea sets trinkets and what not since I was about 5. The first time I saw a saucer I thought it was a Frisbee. So I took it out of my grandmother's cupboard and threw it. It whizzed across the room and broke against the wall. My parents and grandparents came rushing into the room. And saw the broken saucer and me on the floor crying. My mom picked me up and told me it was ok. My grandma started laughing and told me that she has been waiting for that saucer to be broken for years.
That made me smile. But ever since that day I wanted to collect them. So my mother and I began to collect them. But now as I stared across the street at the beautiful little tea cup, I wanted to cry. Because that little tea cup looked like the saucer that I threw all those years ago. In some kind of way I wanted the cup, just to say that I had it. I think that I t would make my mother laugh, just at the sight of it.
So I walked to the curb of the sidewalk, looked both ways and sprinted across the street to the shop. I pushed open the door and the smell of lavender hit my nose instantly. It surprised me because I didn't think that a store such as this could have a lavender smell to it. I would have imagined a more lemony smell personally. I gently closed the door, making sure to not be so loud. For some reason, it places like this there was always an ire sound to it. Once my eyes adjusted to the room, I saw that everything in the store was covered in some kind of ribbon. Ribbons of every color were decorated over the small cups and saucers. The tea pots had curly ribbons spilling out of the top of it. And there were small little green tea leaves scattered all around it. Everything in her just looked to cliché. I knew there had to be a catch to all of this. Either the own selled guns on the side to pay for their kids schooling. That's exactly it, I just know it. Or I could just be getting to rational about all of this and an old little lady owns this store and she just thinks that this is what today's youth looks for. Whatever the case is, the store kind of creeped me out. Just the way that everything is set and put into place just perfectly. It makes me wonder if anyone has even entered this store before. I walked past all the tiny pieces of tea sets and what not, and came up to the casher counter. There was a small bell that I believe was used to get the owners attention. So I very gently touched my finger onto the bell and a high pitch ring was let out from it. The sound of it made me jump and take a few steps back. I defiantly was not expecting that tiny little bell to let out such a high note. I guess the owner can't hear well.
Out of the corner I saw something move. So I turned to my right to investigate. I walked away from the counter and peered around a pyramid of saucers and cups. There didn't seem to be anything out of place, or anybody hear. But I definitely saw someone, or something. I straightened myself and turned back to the counter. But as I turned I slammed my face and chest into something hard. It oddly felt like a man's chest, and it smelled very good. No cologne, just a natural smell. Something even better than cologne. I put my hands against the chest and grabbed onto the shirt and pulled it closer to me face so I could inhale the scent. I heard a deep chuckle as I did this. I instantly let go of the shirt and stepped back almost knocking over the pyramid. As I stepped back I noticed that the man standing in front of me was the man that I had seen done the alley. But at the same time he didn't look like him, his eyes were off. This man looked like everything in his life was going just the way that it should be. The man I saw, it looked like he was falling, and fast. Falling into a pit that he couldn't climb his way out of. But this man, wearing his nicely pressed jeans and perfectly set smile. Looked like he was far away from falling into a pit of damnation.
He smiled even bigger at me showing the tips of his canines. I smiled a bit, not knowing why I was doing it. He held out his hand to me, I looked down at it and frowned a bit to myself. He must have seen because he dropped his hand and began to rub it in his other.
"Uh um can I help you with anything?"
I stared at him at first then realized that I was doing it and looked down.
"Well yeah kind of, you see the main reason that I came into this shop is because in the front window there is this tea cup that reminded me of my past and I kind of wanted it. So I hope you can help me with that. I mean this is your store right?"
"Yeah, well yeah kind of."
"What do you mean kind of?"
"Well my grandmother owns this shop, and today I'm just watching it while she is out for lunch. So I guess you could say that I own it. But I don't really."
"Uh ok, so can you help me with that cup?"
"Yeah, just point out to me which one you want and it's yours."
I lead him to the front of the store, and point to the tiny little cup in the front window.
"Which one? I'm sorry but all of these little things look the same to me. So you're going to have to be more descriptive."
"Ok, I'll try my best to help. Ok let's see it's the one that is sitting next to the green saucer dish. Do you see it?"
I looked back at him as I asked.
"Not really, how about this, I know I'm not suppose to allow customers to do this. But why don't you go and grab it?"
I looked at him funny then shrugged and reached for the cup I wanted. Once I grabbed if, I turned and faced him.
"Oh that one, I thought you were talking about that one. Well I'm glad that you want that one. It's by far my favorite one."
I smiled, "Well thank you, do you mind telling me how much it is?"
He rubbed his hands together as he thought, and then looked at me.
"For you, nothing."
My jaw dropped, "What do you mean nothing? You can't just give me something this beautiful and not expect me to pay for it."
"Why should beauty have to pay for something that doesn't even compare to her?"
I stood there speechless not knowing what the heck to say to something like that.
"I uh…well hehe I wouldn't exactly say that I am beautiful."
He frowned and studies my face, "Now why wouldn't you think that you are beautiful? I find that quite impossible to believe."
"How so? How is it hard for you to believe that someone like me thinks that I am unattractive?"
He shakes his head, "You're in denial, that's not very good. I think I should fix that."
I smile, "Yeah I'm in denial, right."
He stands there staring at me for a few minutes then put his hand out in front of me, "May I take the cup?"
I look down at his hand then back up at him, "Yeah sure."
I place the cup in his and, he takes the cup out of it and quickly grabs my wrist and pulls me against him. He did all of this so fast I wasn't sure what happened until I felt his lips brush against mine. I stood there in shock. Totally and utter shock. This man was kissing me, this beautiful creature that can't be real but is in some weird way. I reached up and cupped his hair as I kissed him back. He pulls me closer against him, making me feel exactly every line of his body. I sighed and kissed him harder. Why was I kissing a complete stranger? How is it even remotely possible for me to be kissing him anyways? I have never been kissed before, this is my first time. Wait, it's my first time. This guy stole my first kiss. At that thought I pushed away from him and he staggered a bit. He whipped his lip and looked at me confusingly.
"Did I do something wrong?" he looked me up and down and smiled.
I looked down and saw that the pants that I was wearing were unzipped and unbuttoned. I quickly redid them and stared at him. He crossed his arms and studied me closes.
"What exactly do you think that you were doing? Kissing me like that?"
He smiled, "I was proving to you that you are beautiful. You didn't believe me so I had to prove it. Do you believe me now?"
I put my hands on my hips and stared at him. "I still don't believe you, and please don't try proving that to me ever again. You stole my first kiss."
He smiled even bigger and turned away from me. I stood there not knowing what to do. I don't understand this guy, he's so strange. I watched him walk to the counter, and set the cup onto the counter. I followed him and watched him as he pulled out a bag and gentle picked up tissue paper and began to wrap the cup in it. I watched silently, watching the way that he moved his hands. How every time that he touched it, it was so gentle and caring. Like he really cared about what he was doing with the cup. I leaned on the counter, putting my arms on it as I watched him bag the cup and put it into the
bag that has a big teacup on the front and the stores name. I put my hand out for him to give me the bag, but instead he picked it up and held it away from me.
"Now what do I get if I give you the bag?"
I stared at him, "Well what do you want? You already stole something away from me. So what more do you want form me?"
He smiles evilly, "I want a date, just one night together. I want to take you out and treat you like you should be treated."
I stood there staring at him in shock. I looked down first then looked back up and he caught my eyes. Which made me catch my breath, his eyes held me in some kind of trance. Because when he touched my cheek, I flinched and backed away.
"I'll uh think about it, how about that?"
He smiled, "How about tomorrow night?"
"How about not! I have class that I need to attend. It's bad enough that I fell asleep today in my first class so I really need to be there."
"Oh ok I see, well the thing is I want to take you out for dinner. That's it I don't know what you are thinking that I want to do."
I held out my hand again for the bag and waited for him to give it to me. He looked down at my hand and smiled then began to walk to the door. I followed him, with my hand still held out. He stopped at the door and I slammed into the back of him and fell back onto the floor.
"Ow ok that really hurt! Are you aware that your back is really hard? Ow God wow!"
I begin to stand up and he puts his hand out to me, "Here let me help you."
I grab onto his hand on he pulls me up and pulls me against him. I looked down at what little space that we had between us.
"Uh so thank you."
I started to push away from him, but he grabs onto my wrist and kisses me swiftly. Then pulls away and looks down at me and smiles.
"You know for your first kiss it was very good. Are you sure that you haven't been kissed before?"
I looked up and him and blushed, "Uh no, that was my first time. Honestly it was."
"Well it was very nice, I plan on having more of those."
He smiled and I blushed even brighter. He let go of my wrist and opened the door for me and held out the bag to me. And took the bag and stepped out the door.
"Please come again!" he said with a grin.
I looked at him hard then turned away from the door and saw the street and people that were behind me. Just then I realized something and I turned back to the door, and when I did he was still there except this time he was leaning against the doors frame. I put my finger up and spoke, "Uh I don't know your name."
He smiled that perfect smile, "Well of course you don't know my name. I never gave it to you."
"Well do you mind giving it to me?"
"Well as long as you promise to give me your name."
"Ok, well I'm Petra."
He smiled even more at hearing that