Chapter One: Welcome to My Life
1) Katy, Melanie, Kim, & Me: Because he's sexy!
2) Me: Leah, are you on drugs?
Leah: No, I'm on your mom!
3) Callie: Have you ever committed suicide?
Me: Uh... Callie...
Me: Think about it...
Callie: Oh! I am such an idiot!
4) Me: You are an idiot!
Mrs. Bockenstedt: She means that in a self-esteem affirming kind of way.
5) Hanna: My dog is a Yorkiepoowawa!
Maddie: What's that?
Hanna: It's a Yorkie, Chihuahua, and a Poodle mix.
Maddie: So it's a three-way!
6) Me: Where is my flipping eraser?
Mrs. Bockenstedt: Watch your almost language, Lauryn.
7) Mrs. Murphy: Are you a boob?
8) Mrs. Murphy: Are you on drugs?
(See # 18)
9) Mrs. Murphy: Are you asking me when you can be an idiot?
10) Callie: Have you ever watched midget porn?
Me: Uh... no...
Callie: You should!
Me: Uh... why? Have you seen it?
11) Hanna: I'm gonna kill your ass!
12) Me: Fuck the system!
Bridget: (scoots away from me)
13) Hanna: Shoot me, please.
Me: No, we'll, shoot each other at the same time.
14) Mr. Larson: Life sucks. And then you die.
15) Hanna: Crap on more crap!
16) Michelle: Like a bus! Choo, choo!
17) Hanna: Want to take the Vow of Silence tomorrow?
Me: What the hell is that?
Hanna: It's a protest against the discrimination of bi's, gays, and lesbians.
Me: Wait- how does that help gays and lesbians?
Hanna: I don't know.
18) Mrs. Murphy: Today we're going to find lines in nature.
Steffan: The sun is a line!
Mrs. Murphy: Are you on drugs? The sun is not a line!
19) Leah: I can un-shit myself!
20) Mrs. Welch: Knock, knock, puddingheads!
21) Kerry: It's not rape if you say "surprise"!
22) Leah: Your dad's on your mom. That's how they made you.
23) Leah: The blonde one must die.
24) Bridget: What planet is Jared from?
Me: The same one Brian's from.
Bridget: (kicks me)
25) Leah: But he cheated on me-
Me: He PEED on you?
Bridget: (laughing) Ch-cheated!
26) Bridget: You think, Alex?
Workin: On Tuesdays.
27) Nathan: What's with the email you sent me? So what, now I have to throw rocks at Anna's window? I'd break it! And flowers? Flowers are expensive, Lauryn.
28) Me: Hey, guys, did you ever notice that all the months end in "er"?
29) Me: Today's been a bad month for me.
30) Me: A doctor a day keeps the apple away!
Characters: Chapter One