I'm too young to be dying. I know that. I was bitter. I have accepted it. I wish I was in a coma or something. I wish I could live to be older than thirteen. I wish I were smart. I wish so many things. I have said so many words, and I have meant none of them.

I see my mother crying. I wonder, can she hear what I am saying. Yes, I think I'm saying it out loud. Oh, well. I have to say it because I'll be dead before tonight has passed. Please, don't cry. I'm not scared. Well, I guess I am, but I have no reason to be. Still, I have to say, I love you. What's that? Oh, yes, all of you. Considering that even my worst enemy and best friend and Aunt Becky are here, you know I've got to be preparing to die.

I don't want to die, you know. I'm afraid of the cancer that's tearing away inside of me. It breaks my heart to be like this. I'm so far gone, that I don't know if my mouth is really forcing these words out. I can't feel anything. I want to tell you all I love you. I want to say I'm sorry. I want to stop the pain. I want so many things, but I'm not going to get any of them. Please, Mommy, don't cry. It breaks my heart when you do. Daddy, please, don't.

I know it hurts you that I'm dying. I know. I understand. Still, I have to say it. I have to. Don't try to stop me. Now, if you'll shut up long enough to hear me, I'll say it.


I've procrastinated long enough. I'm going. Goodbye. Goodbye, and I love you.