Start: September 4th, 2008 (i like to date when i write things. dont mind this)
As I was walking down the street, I stopped to notice a quaint little coffee shop farther down the road. I've been walking for a little while now, class got out at the college and I could use a break. My legs are sore and my shoulder hurts from carrying my bag all day. The books that they give us are extremely heavy, it's ridiculous.
I get closer to it and notice that the sign says "Harmony Café" on it. It seems harmless I guess and I could really use a rest from this cold. It has two big windows in front so it's easy enough to see what's inside of it. I cup my hands and look through the door. There are a few people there, some college students that I've seen once or twice. A few tables a few chairs, simple but effective. I open the door and walk to a random table and set my book bag down. It feels so good to get that thing off of my shoulder. Honestly, I think the teachers are trying to kill us from our shoulder pains. I sigh to myself and see that there is a band that is about to play. If they're one of those Emo bands, I'm out of here. It's not that I hate them it's just that I get kind of moody when I start to listen to the lyrics more than I should, so I just avoid them.
I look back and forth and count how many tables there are. Its simple things like this that keep me entertained most of the time. My friends all went to separate colleges and I haven't made to many friends at college. I miss them, I think to myself. I find the blackboard with the menu; it's over the counter and written in different colored chalk. I noticed that there aren't very many employees here. Maybe I should work there to, granted that the band doesn't stink to bad. It's been a long enough day to say the least.
"Hmm, hot chocolate sounds good." I'm talking to myself, I know this. I do it somewhat often when I'm alone. Again, I miss my friends. I get up to order my hot chocolate and hear a bell jingle. That's odd; I didn't hear it when I came in. I look over and see a really slender guy walked in wearing somewhat tight pants but not girl pants tight, and a plain black shirt with an earring in his right ear. His right, not my right. I just thought that I should clarify this. I sometimes confuse people when I say that. He looked as if he was lost or something but I didn't pay to much mind to him, just another person in my life. My drink is ready and I walk back to my table, ready to enjoy this. I wouldn't say that I have bad circulation it's just that I get a bit colder than I should some days. It's only October, why do I have to get so cold? The band tunes their instruments. It was made up of two girls and two guys. The lead singer is a girl. The guys played the guitars and the other girl played the drums in the background. They look like they had been together for some time because they all wore the same stud belt and stud bracelet. I always found it somewhat amusing to look at people but only to observe. If they share an interest for music, that's fine as long as they sound good.
The band started to play when the guy who walked in started to look at me a bit more than he should have. It doesn't bother me so I'm not going to get annoyed with something that small. I'm just an accepting person, that's what I've been told anyway. Even I have my limits to people. Anyway, he kept staring at me so I took a bigger drink than I should have to pretend to ignore him. I ended up burned my tongue and throat with searing hot "Choco-Water". I really need to plan these things better next time.
I put the cup down and dug in my bag, while he walked over to my table. When I look up I almost jumped because he was standing about a half a foot away from me. His hair was covering half of his face so I could only make out one eye. Blue, I think, or maybe green. They looked really…innocent. I blinked so I could regain my composure and shook my head.
"Can I help you?" For lack of a better word, his total appearance struck as me as different. Not abnormal and certainly not unneeded. I get sick of seeing the same thing everyday on my fellow classmates. People need more variety in their lives.
"Erm….I…Uhh…" Stammering isn't something I'm good with. The band struck a high note and that made my ears ring. For such a small café, it sure had good acoustics in here. My ears are ringing and I'm getting annoyed with him and that music. I look away so I can say my mind.
"Look pal, I'm not in such a good mood right now. If you don't have anything to say to me then stop wasting my time. I have better things to do right now." I stop and look back at him; he looks like he's going to cry. Instinctively, I grab his hand and hold it. I don't know why I did it but it was a reflex reaction. I looked up at those blue green eyes of his, "Hey, I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean any of it."
"It's fine. I get that a lot." He looks away and I can't help but feel sorry for him now. I look more at his cloths and notice that he's wearing black arm rings and a black wrist band on the other. Other people may see that kind of a person who is trying to hide something in their lives but I see that as just a way of dressing. And then I see something else on his wrist under the wrist-bands.
"Hey, you can sit and talk to me if you like. I help people as best as I can. Its fine," I point to the chair opposite me. "You can sit there."
He nods and takes a seat. I look at him a bit and he drops his head, hiding his face with that long hair of his. It's black by the way, or a dark brown. I keep wondering what happened that he got that cut on his arm. I've dealt with some cutters in my life but I still haven't dealt with all kinds of them. From what I've dealt with, it usually involves screaming or breakdowns of some kind, be it from family or relationships.
"Sooo, what's on your mind?"
"I just thought that…you looked like a nice guy. I've been ditched by my friends and they won't talk to me anymore. I don't know what to do. Everywhere I go I just get glared at." I can tell that he's fidgeting with his hands under the table. His mouth is struggling for what to say next.
"Well, that could be one reason for that scar on your arm." I'm blunt when I have to be. He tries to hide his arm under the table which I can't see in the first place. I rest both of my arms on the table gently pushing my cup of Choco-Water aside. I look him straight in his eyes and the innocent image of him that I had before dissolves before me. "I'll be your friend if you promise never to do that again." He stares at the table and I step on his foot so he'll pick his head up a bit. It worked. "I'll be your friend if you never cut yourself again. I have friends that I care a lot about and they've cut themselves." I look to the side, resting my cheek on my fist. "I don't know you but I don't want to lose you either, okay?"
He gives me a rather odd look. I can't really make out what his eyes are trying to say to me. He pushes his hair behind his ear with his non-cut arm, the one with the wristband, and half looks at me and my shirt.
"Thank…you." That's all he says. I could barely make it out because of that band. I wish that they'd hurry up and finish. It's not like there is anyone really listening. I move my chair so that I'm sitting beside him so I can grab his hand. I take it and bring it above the table to get a better look at it. It's not to dark of a mark. His skin is fairly darker than mine. He's just wearing a T-shirt after all; I'm the one in the jacket.
"When did this happen? Why did you do it?" he moves his head away and his hair covers his face again. I know that this is painful to talk about for him but I just want to know what happened to him that made him think that cutting was necessary.
"I…" I'm getting annoyed again. I stand up and grab my bag. He gives me a very confused look and I know that he's thinking "not again." I take his hand and usher my head towards the door.
"Come on, let's get out of here. It's to damn noisy and it's not a good place to talk." I hear the band stop and saying "thanks, you've been a great audience." I close my eyes and grumble. Sure, it's only after I want to leave that they stop playing. I have the worst luck. But then… I look at him and he stands up, ready to go. Maybe it's a good thing that I have this luck. I smile and pull him outside of Harmony Café. The moment that I take a step outside I regret it. It feels like its gotten ten degrees colder and I immediately want to go back inside. He gives my hand a tight squeeze. I turn to him and see that he's tearing up.
"Hey, I don't live to far from here. Can you last until then?" he wipes the tears from his eyes and we start walking. I had forgotten that I was holding his hand, more in a dragging manner than actual leading. I walk fast, much faster than most people do normally. He had to half jog to keep up with me. We passed by a few of my classmates and they stared at me. It was only after we passed a girl covering her mouth so that she wouldn't giggle out loud that it hit me. Wait, oh crap! I let go of his hand and stand in place, red in the face and embarrassed. Luckily, I we were just outside of the apartments that I lived in so I could at least calm down there. I looked back and he has his hair in front of his face, He was red to. I have to admit that he did look cute with that blush on him. I pointed my thumb to the apartment buildings.
"It's just up there. I hope that it's not too bad. It may smell at first but you'll learn to ignore it." Hmm, I haven't really noticed the smell myself though. Oh well. Instead of taking the front doors, I lead him behind the building to the fire escape. Conventional methods are no fun, and it's really stuffy in there. I pulled down the ladder, it coming down with the usual clunk and saw that he was rubbing his arm. "Are you cold?" He shook his head, waving his hair back and forth. "Alright. Up we go." I pulled myself up the ladder and stood at the first floor. He stood on the ground and looked up, he reminded me of a lost puppy.
"What's the matter? Can't climb up a ladder?" I stuck my hands in my pockets to warm them back up again.
"I'm…kind of afraid…of heights." He really needs to stop pausing so much. I sigh and lean over the side.
"I'm only on the third floor. It's not that far up. Just don't look down, okay?" He stood there for a second and get on the ladder. He came rather quickly, I was surprised. I smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Not so bad, was it?" he didn't say anything, just stare back at me. I could tell that if I stood there much longer that he wouldn't budge. Around the pole and up the stairs we went, up to my open window. I always leave it open just a crack so I can get in. I live alone so I don't have to worry about people coming over and making to much noise. I miss my friends even more now. I opened the window and slid myself inside, throwing my bag next to the bed. Yes, the window goes right into my room. I turned around and he was standing still, the wind blowing his hair over his eyes with his fingers constantly moving it behind his ear. I took his hand and helped him into my room. After two seconds, he clung to me. His arms went around my back and his head rested between my neck and my shoulder. More on my collar bone. I didn't really know what to make of this but I figured that his warm body took away some of the cold that was coming in so I was happy.
"Not that this is bad or anything but I really need to close the window. The cold is getting in." He eased up on his grip long enough for me to close the window, sealing the warmth inside again. After I regained my footing however, he clung to me again. Out of sympathy, I wrapped my arms around him. He back was cold and arms were like ice to me. I shivered.
"Hey, its okay. We're inside now." I started to pet his hair and noticed that it was really soft but I could see that it had been straightened in parts. The only light that I had was coming from the window so I confirmed that his hair was indeed dark brown. I couldn't let him go just yet. I wanted to make sure that he was okay. I petted his hair and he seemed to calm down a bit, but I held him for just a little longer. Better safe than sorry.
"I'm sorry about this," he said through the faint sniffles. He lets up so I can at least look him in the face. "I'm usually…not like this. I'm sorry." He didn't look at me directly in the face but I could tell that his cheeks were swollen.
"It's fine. Don't worry about it." For some reason or another, I find that it's amusing to pet his hair. He reminds me of a cat. Wait, I don't even know his name. "I've got a question for you." He looks up and me, sniffling again. Now I can clearly see that he was crying a little bit and his cheeks are a bit puffy. "What's your name?" For some reason, I can feel my face getting hot, probably from forgetting to ask him for so long.
"Well…my friends…" I smile at him so that he won't start crying again. "My friends used to call me Kitty." That explains why I thought of him as a cat and wanted to keep petting him. Although, I'd have to observe him for a bit more to make my final conclusion whether or not that his name fits.
"What's your real name? Kitty is one heck of a name change." I have to giggle at my own joke. I'm alone for most of the time so it's justified. He buries his head next to my neck again. I'm a bit taller than he is so that he fits just right.
"It's Anthony." He gives me a sigh and I can tell that he's getting comfortable in his position. I'm not uncomfortable with this moment so I just wrap my arms around him again and he gives a soft purr. I smile down at him and he looks up at me. Well, through all that I hair of his I can assume.
"My name's Emmitt. But my real name is Anthony too. I changed it when I turned 18." He nuzzles my neck and his hair starts to tickle me. I start to giggle and then he starts to poke me in the stomach making me squirm. I let him go and take a step back and hold my stomach. "Cheap shot, ya' know." He laughs and makes another move towards me. I saw through this and run into my kitchen area. I breathe a sigh of relief and open my fridge. I haven't eaten anything since classes ended so yes, I'm hungry. I look back over to the door way but I don't see him. I pear through my door way to the window, its open and I panic and run over to see out it. I find Kitty standing at the railing, looking out over everything. Wait, isn't he afraid of heights? "Kitty, what are you doing?" He turns his head and I see a cigarette between his fingers.
"Smoking, what does it look like?" he gives me a look that I don't like.
"You scared me. I was worried about you. I wasn't sure that you'd left or not." For some reason, I just can't let go of him. I wonder why…
"I'm fine. I just have to have one every now and then." He takes another inhale of his cigarette and looks over the railing. "It's a really pretty view." You could see a few houses but its more trees and the river in the distance. It's polluted, I wonder if he knows that. But the question of his fear of heights brings me back into focus.
"Hey, didn't you say that you were afraid of heights?" I lean a bit more out the window to get a better look at his face. I'm not a fan of smoking but as long as he doesn't do it in the house, I'm somewhat okay with it.
"I'm fine once I get up to a certain height and stay there. It's just the getting up that's hard on me." He gives me a smile and I think it looks really cute on him. It suits him better than those tears do.
"Okay, well, I'm going to make ramen. You want any?"
"Sure!" He nearly jumps. "I'm starving!" I'm glad that he has an appetite. I thought that with that thin frame of his that he never ate. I poke my head back and in get everything ready to boil the water. When I turn the stove on he walks back in and leans against the door frame, watching me. I look back and him and stick my tongue out at him. It's not mature but it's amusing to me. He laughs and walks over to me, putting his arms around my waist, nestling his head in his favorite spot. "Ya know…I don't feel as nervous as I do around other guys. When I'm around some of my ex's my hands get all sweaty and that bothers then. But with you, I'm completely comfortable."
"Oh, so you're gay?" Don't get me wrong, I'm just testing to see his reaction. He picks his head up and looks me straight in the eyes.
"Yeah, so what?" He glares at me but all I can do is smile at him. That's probably making him even more frustrated b/c his eyes are going into little slits. I shake my head and gently push his head back into place.
"If you haven't noticed, I'm completely comfortable with this too." The water starts to boil and I let go of him to put in the ramen. I can't really cook all that well and most of my food has been easy to make stuff ever since I started college. As soon as I pour in the noodles from the package, he wraps his arms around my stomach. They're much nicer when they're warmer.
"I…really like being here…with you…Emmitt." He puts his head on my back and I put my free hand on his arm, squeezing it gently. "Ya' know…" Please don't start pausing in your sentences again. "You have a really nice smell to you. It's not over powering to my nose like my last boyfriend's was." He buries his face in the back of my neck. I stir the ramen with a spare fork so it starts to soften faster.
"I'm glad that you approve of my smell. I'm now wearing any cologne." I smile to myself.
"That's…really good to know." His voice sounds distance, almost like he's lost in a haze or something. I turn around and pick of his face to look him in the eyes.
"Are you okay?" I don't look at his sternly but I just give him a blank/worried look. He gives me a weak smile. I don't like it when he does that. It doesn't really reassure me about anything. He rests his head on my chest and sighs.
"My last boyfriend…wasn't good to me. He didn't beat me or hit me but…he just…ignored me. It's like I was just there to him. I thought that sleeping with him would make me feel happier but the next day I woke up alone." He hugged me tighter and I wrapped my arms in the usual place. The sleeping with part was a bit unneeded for me to know but I couldn't just let this poor guy go off alone again. No friends, no one really to care for him. Maybe he's an orphan or a runaway. So many thoughts, questions, possibilities went through my head. Thankfully I remembered the ramen that was about to blow and I quickly turned off the heat and moved it to another burner. With a huge sigh of relief I poured the water out and blew the steam away from my hands so that they wouldn't get to hot. Kitty was kind of hugging me while I did all this but I can multitask. And he moves really well with my body so I didn't feel like I was going to fall over or anything. I got out the bowls and another fork and poured the ready to eat ramen.
"My bedroom is right across there." Pointing to the door, he just looked at me like a kitten looks at you curiously. "I'll be there in a minute. I just have to do something first." I gave him a smile and he gave me another squeeze. He walked into my bedroom and I got out my notebook that I keep handy in a drawer. I use it to give myself notes and crap, because I never see those tiny sticky notes so I just use a notebook.
'October 19th, 2008. Met Kitty. Not sure as to whether or not he's alright. Keep watch. Phone pol-' Is it really a good idea to get the police involved? It might help me to find out where he lives and tell his parents about them. Then again, I look over to my bedroom, maybe I should just keep him to myself. Things, for him, don't seem too great right now. I put the notebook away and carried the two bowls of steaming ramen into my bedroom. He's sitting on my bed, playing with his hair, braiding it on one side. My room isn't all that great. It's mostly empty walls and my bookcase. If you haven't guessed already, I'm an English major. Don't ask me what I want to do with my life; I'm still trying to figure that out. I have my desk, my computer, my bed and my bookcase...and a mess of my cloths which I really should consider cleaning.
"Sorry about this mess. I've been meaning to clean it up for awhile." I take a sniff and notice that I REALLY should have done it long ago. I've been out most of the time so I really never took note of it. He unbraids his hair with a single swish of his fingers though his hair and giggles.
"No, its fine. I don't mind it." Hmm, maybe he would look better with his hair back in a pony tail. I put the ramen bowl in front of him and hop on my bed, sitting crossed legged. I take a forkful of ramen and stuff it into my mouth. It's hot down my throat and I nearly melt right then and there. He looks at the goofy expression that I have on my face and giggles, taking a much smaller portion of his ramen and eating it. Then, well, he basically scarffed it down rather quickly. I've never seen someone eat so fast but take so small of bites. I was about 3/4th done when he was finished. He put his bowl on my desk, away from my keyboard and started to look over my book collection. He used his index finger and just scanned the book titles. I assumed that he has never read any of them because I have such a picky taste in books that I've never met anyone who's even heard of any of the books that I've read. He looks at me and then looks back at the book collection.
"What…are all of these?" Is he trying to be funny?
"Well, the one's on the top are about fantasy and the ones on the middle shelf are for school, sort of. The rest are all for leisure." I take a big slurp and finish up the last of the noodles, sucking up the yummy juice that's left in the bowl. "But other than that, they're all books to answer your question." I giggle to myself and put my bowl on the floor next to my bed. I'll wash all my dirty dishes up later. I look back to see what he was doing and all I remember is my head slamming down on my pillow with his head cooing on my chest again. That…kind of hurt. I try to pick up my head but its to no avail. "Kitty, what are you doing?" I tried to sound annoyed but honestly, I was kind of happy that he was on top of me. His body was warm and I just wanted to cuddle with him.
"…" All I got was silence.
"Kitty, are you okay? You're starting to worry me." He shifted his weight a bit so I could put my arms around him. Hugging him right now may be the only thing I can do.
"Please stop asking me if I'm okay." His voice was really muffled. I could feel the warmth of his breath penetrate onto my chest. "I've never been okay for as long as I can remember. My parents hated me for being who I am, my friends always left me for whatever reasons that I still don't understand." He started to cry and I sat up with him in my arms. My head throbbed but I was more concerned about him then me. I took his face in my hands and saw that he was crying.
"Kitty, I'm here now. It's okay. Please stop crying. It's okay." He looked down to hide his tears but I just pulled him closer to me so that he could cry on my shoulder. "Shhh, its okay kitty." That's all that I could think about saying. I didn't know what else to do. All I could do is just sit up while my head throbbed and he cried on my shoulder. I can't say that I didn't like this. I did love his body so close to mine. I didn't want him to cry anymore, I wanted to take away his pain, his suffering. I wanted to make a new life for him so that he would look at the good side of life and not only think of the bad. And I also knew that, more than anything, I wanted to see him become better.
"Emmitt…I…" He managed that through all of his sniffles, my shoulder being doused in his tears. He had calmed down considerably but his voice was still crackly and I couldn't really move, due to recent head injuries and the fear of him breaking down again. He hugged me tighter, gently digging his fingers into my back. "Emmitt, no one has ever been there for me like this. I…I just don't know what to do. My whole life I've been so alone, so scared. But then…" he leaned back and whipped a few tears from his face. It was beat red and swollen. I thought that he looked cute but I still didn't want him to cry like that again. With one final sniff, he said the three little words that I would have never expected in my entire life to hear. "Emmitt, I think I love you." Okay five words, close enough. My first reaction was to either run, slap him, or just hide. To be honest, I've never really been up for any commitment with anyone. My relationships, with guys and girls, have never lasted to long. I'm still friends with them but I'm more their counselor than their ex. My mouth dropped open to say something but nothing came out. All I managed was just one thing.
"Ki…" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me. My head moved back and forth, the shock to great for me to even feel my headache anymore. My head feel forward and I stared at my feet. I couldn't tell you what he did next. I still couldn't believe it. Someone actually said that they…they…loved me. It had only been a few hours since I met this person. How could they say that with a straight face? It doesn't make sense! I sat there for about 3 and half minutes and all I could hear with running water. The next thing I knew, Kitty was standing in front of the bed holding a blue plastic cup, and me with cold water on my face and hair.
"Emmitt, I said that I love you. Why didn't you say anything?" he said as if it was the easiest thing to do. I grabbed my head with both hands and rest my forehead on my knees.
"What you're asking me to do…it's not that simple. I just met you a few hours ago." I look up at him, the water dripping from my bangs. "What do you expect me to do? Say that 'I love you' back? I don't know anything about you. You're just a stranger off of the street for all I know." That didn't mean to be a stab to the chest but Kitty's hand went over his heart and I knew that it was about to break. He looked like he was going to cry again but he did the complete opposite. He took a small step forward and slapped my hard across my face. The cup dropped to the floor and I could hear his footsteps running for the door. I quickly got up and grabbed his arm before he made it too far. He was going for the window instead. I pulled him into a hug so that his arms couldn't be used and all he could do is just stand there and scream at the top of his lungs, which he did.
"Why?! I finally found someone that I can talk to and this is what happens?! I can't take this anymore!" His last words did something to me, something that I never wanted to happen again. I dragged him back to my room and threw him onto my bed. He landed with a loud creak and I got on top of him, preventing him from escaping. He looked back and me with nothing but fear in his eyes, I can't blame him. I grabbed his shoulders and positioned my legs so that they were at the sides of his waist so that he couldn't move around. He couldn't move, my eyes stopped his every move. All he did was staring at me with those blue, green eyes of his. I couldn't hold back any longer, I had to scream at him with all that I had.
"You want to throw your entire life away just for one person? That's bull-shit! You don't know anything about me and you're just going to throw everything that you've got away all for one reason?" I got right up to his face and screamed louder. "I can't stand people like you! I hate you for not wanting anything to do with your life! If you can't take it, then…then…" My anger slowed to a crawl and I realized what I was doing. I had him pinned down on my bed with me on top of him, screaming at all of my frustrations that I had kept in me for so long. My head throbbed harder and I groaned. I got off of Kitty and sat down at the foot of my bed, holding it with both hands. I knew that I had some pain killers in my cabinet but I was unable to move. And then, something happened, something that I have never done in my entire life. I started to cry for what I had done. My tears were hot on my cheeks and my head throbbed even more. I kept choking on my breath. I didn't know what was happening or what do make of this. This entire day was so damn confusing that I guess I just couldn't handle all of it at once. The next thing that I knew, Kitty's arms were around me and my crying worsened. I just sat there while he held me.
"Why? Why are you…doing this? Why' don't you just run…away from me?" That's why I have friends instead of relationships. Something inside of me snaps and I can't stand the other person anymore. That usually drives them away and makes them think that I'm crazy. That is, until now.
"Because I love you." Because I love you? Those words echoed into my very core and shook me. I didn't know what to say to him. I nearly attacked him and yet he still stayed by me. This was all happening way to fast. The minute I thought of what I had done I broke down more. This was not a normal situation by any standards. I meet a guy at a random café in my area. I take him back to my house to feed him and then he ends up confessing his love for me.
I wiped the snot from my nose and looked at his still red face. Maybe he cried a bit to during that. He looked peaceful again and all I could do was stare into those beautiful eyes of his. I felt this strange pull towards his lips and he felt the same. I closed my eyes and the next thing that I knew, I was enveloped him a warmth that I had never thought possible. His arms wrapped around my neck and I wrapped mine around his back, wanting never to leave him alone again. All the thoughts that I had, all the pain that I felt were washing away with that one kiss.
One kiss, one boy, one night love?
Love Kitty. X3 - meow!