It's so small
I offhandedly decide
Peering through these many layers
Colliding and coiled in a flurry of woven flesh and buried cotton
A painful glimmer that breaks open inside of me
Hope

It doesn't spare this body
Prying off each supposed vital
Grown for a little fire never enlightened
Or lighted

People burn off the ends of their white cylinders
Sipping on the smoky edge
Only to open their lips with a gray tinged caw
I cringe tighter into this place of tinted emotion
Raw and smoldering inside my limbs
Chest lunging for an oxygen filled world
But not discontent with the slight taint of sharp cigarettes
That sadness was saved for my future fingers
Trying to shove themselves through tiny oval throats
To reach inside and be the remedy
For a little life burning from the inside out
As my hands poke holes through the already tattered lungs
So they won't drown as my tears of shame crawl down
And pool

I look out my aunt's window
There are gray clouds and telephone wires
Treetops that give off the feeling
That they're rooted to the rooftops of vacant buildings
As if the ground is a grid of pollution
And the shingles are the saviors for a decaying race of beings
Is this where I want them to be?

All those unwoven fingers
Faces I want to hold and lips I want to kiss
They are yet to be planted and yet--
I feel them
Deep inside and underneath
Crying to come out and explore
All the hopes and dreams of this world
Though I try so hard to drown their sounds
With all the noise
All the hate
Allowing it to seep through my skin
Horrific photo images my mind wraps around my body
Sinful dances and warlike trances
Aimed straight for this heart not beating
It's strings only fantasies my heart likes to breed
Causing me to cradle macabre in rebellious love
Because it's so much better to be torn and tainted in this sickened world
Then spread the illness to mirror-like eyes of innocence

How I hate myself for wanting
For peaking into those places where the pain is
Shooting the sentimental reminders through my veins
That my agony is the best replacement