october, the echo
by: october lies (august 15, 2008, 11:24am)
alter ego - ("the other I") a second self, a second personality.
she doesn't know what to do with herself, aching and smiling and breaking and laughing, all at the same time. falling apart, but keeping it together, she wonders if one side of her will ever "prevail" and if the other will ever be at rest. she lies to herself, sometimes, telling herself that she won't break that day, but she knows she will because it's not something she can stop.
when she smiles, she laughs at herself at the same time, bitter and resentful, wishing she no longer echoed the days of happiness. when she dances, she hopes to trip and fall, break a neck, sever a vein, end the days, but she knows she won't (because she can't try to be clumsy.)
when october comes and rolls along, reaching out from the cave beneath her heart, she takes it all in stride. letting october control and reign and speak the words that an echo could never possibly say, she smiles because that's exactly right. she counts the hours until october passes by, waiting for echo to come back outside, knowing that all it takes, sometimes, is time.
\ \ \ i hope this clears things up, what, with all the "echo"s and "october"s you keep seeing.
echo is the better side of me.
october, to put it lightly, is that vengeful, raging, (self) destructive, (self) loathing, burning part of me that doesn't trust anyone, sees the worst in people. the part holding all my bottled up secrets, emotions, feelings, opinions, views, lies, all tucked inside my ribs, laying just underneath my heart.