8/28 of the Lunar Year – 1:01 am.
It's a nightmare, an utter nightmare. Please, let it be an utter nightmare. For this cannot be true.
Or can it?
I don't know, I'm far too lost to tell. Do you know where I am?
No, don't answer that. I don't need to know. Because this is a nightmare, right?
How can this place exist? This place that is so dark, so oppressive. I can feel it in the air, the enchantment, the delusion, whatever word works. But this place cannot be real. It must not.
It's a dream, a nightmare, and I will wake up from it.
For how else could I have ended up in you're arms? What other reason is there that I do not pull back? How can I be so calm in you're embrace, how can you be willing to hold me?
Yes, it must be a dream. It is a dream.
I have dreamt this dream before. I remember now, and it is not so surprising of a dream. After all, you were created to hold me. Yes, so long ago. I created you, so that you may wrap your arms around me and that I may feel cherished in your embrace.
Are you real now? No, what am I saying. You cannot be real. My bed is still beneath me, my head against my pillow.
There, I can feel it now, the cotton sheets against my skin. The orchard of cherry blossoms fades and I no longer bask in your warmth.
I miss your warmth, for a moment, but it no longer matters. You will be back. I will make you return. For I need it, crave it - the contact that is another person, whoever you may be. You give it to me, the feeling that I am, if not loved, cared for.
Yes, you will return. I will fool myself for another day.
What does the real warmth of being in the arms of another feel like, I wonder. Is it really so sweet, so peaceful? And you, who mold yourself to my every fantasy, will I ever meet you for real? I feel like I know you so well already, the time that I have spent with you in my mind. Will I be able to tell you those things, when I really meet you?
Or do you really not exist?
Will I never find you?
When all the people around me have discovered what true bliss is and reached their paradise on earth, will my conversations with you still be in my head? Will you always be that faceless man, ever changing as my fickle and misguided heart tries so hard to name you?
Who are you?
I really wish I knew. Even if I don't know you yet, to know your name would give me hope – hope that you really are out there. Hope that I will one day find you and that every moment I share with you now will someday be reality. Hope that someday, there will be one to love and cherish me too.
But not now.
For now, I will satisfy myself with you that I have created. As long as I have you at least, I can hide anything from the world, and you will be there smiling oh so quietly at me, and I may tell you what I have been burdened with.
You are not a nightmare at all, are you? No, you are a good dream, the most magnificent dream.
Let me fall back into this dream again. The haze is not so bad now. And your arms will be there to catch me.
Yes, dreaming again sounds good right now.