What am I?

What have I become?

Why don't I care?

Sometimes I want to smack myself

Why do I do the things I do?

Don't I see?

Don't I understand?

This is getting out of hand

I don't like where this is going

I don't want to be like them

I'm bored but that's no excuse

I'm lonely but still

Its not right

Not only am I being dumb

But I'm playin with their hearts

I didn't even think

I didn't think for a moment

Maybe it means more to them

Then it means to me

They don't I'm bored

They don't know that I don't care

How could I be so cruel?

So heartless

I didn't see

I didn't mean to

How many hearts have I hurt?

And I didn't even realize

I didn't even think

It never pasted through my mind

I feel so horrible

So evil

How could I not realize?

Yeah,

It was nothing to me

Not anything crazy

But maybe

Just maybe

It meant something to them

I'm just like all those guys

That we girls are afraid of

Scared to death

That they will make us believe

That they care

When they don't

How I've hated them!

And now

It seems I have been akin to them

I don't do it on purpose

I don't do it a lot

But still

It s wrong

Bad

Awful

I feel so dirty

So wrong

Yet there is a part of me that still doesn't regret

There's a part of me that is disgusted with myself

There is a part that doesn't care

There is a part that says 'just move on'

Which is right?

Which is wrong?

Are any of them right?

Are they all right?

I don't know

I just know that I need to stop

I can't be like them

I can't go breaking hearts

How could I have not seen what I was doing?

I am so stupid

They had no way to know what I was thinking

Why did I expect that they did?

Part of it comes from my warped view of guys

So many of them are jerks

Cruel

Mean

And only looking for one thing…

I just supposed that they all were like that

Then they wouldn't care

It wouldn't bother them

But they aren't all bad

There are nice guys

And I've hurt some of them

And its wrong

I'm sorry

I was selfish

Stupid

Cruel

Will you ever be able to forgive me?