How strange this all seems

How strange this all seems

Fighting to be hurt

Hoping to be broken

Just so I can say

I can Feel

I can suffer

I can bleed

Like everyone else

Does this make sense to you?

Most people beg and pray

God please don't let him hurt me, please!

Yet here I am

Hoping

Praying

Waiting

To be hurt

If I feel pain

That's one step farther

Because this impossible wall

That I've built

Keeps it all out

All of it

Not just pain

But joy

My life is in a fog

Yet there are some moments

My emotions find a hole

And flow through

Sometimes I laugh

Amazed by the beauty of the world

Sometimes I weep

Overwhelmed by the anguish surrounding me

I feel so foolish

So weak

I just can't do this

I can't break this wall on my own

I've tried

I've Failed

I don't want to risk failing again

Not Again

I want to feel something

I Need to feel something

Something deep

Something real

Something good

I can't live my life like this

I can not and shall not resign myself to this

You will save me

I know

I trust you to set me free

Finally free

Libre

When I'm free everything is gonna be alright….