CHAPTER 2:

The Beach PARTY

Eric opened my door Lucy walked behind him, "welcome back," he practically yelled, and then everyone came out of their hiding place and the bright lights that decorated anything that they could be hanged on shined. Eric opened my door and held me by my waist, this caught me of guard. I knew that he knew about my crush on him, but he never had reacted like the others, everyone else that I dated reacted to the way I looked, the way my body looked. He never did he was kind of departed from me, for him it was like I was always on the spotlight, a spotlight that he didn't like, he didn't like crowded places, and ever since I came here I'd had a crowd. I loved attention, but not because of my body I hate that kind of attention. I liked the kind of attention I got for the things I did like, help at school, plan parties like these, being crazy like Lucy, and being myself, happy, energetic, and never really showing a frown, not because I didn't want to but because a smile was easier to show than explaining the reason for my frown. Many times my smiles were frowns but no one noticed, not even Lucy.

"Hey pretty girl," Eric said bringing me back from my thoughts. I loved that he called me pretty girl it was something he only did when we were alone or around our friends.

"Hey," I whispered quickly turning to Alex. He was in the trunk of my car leaning on the edge. I let loose of Eric's arms and went to him, I knew I had to be nice, but that wasn't part of my personality, I mean at least not being nice to him wasn't. So why was I being nice? Had I changed my mind about him? No. Absolutely not, but still I walked to him.

"I'm going to introduce you, even though I think you already know everyone here," I said with a small smile, not a fake one like the ones I usually had but a real one, one that I never really showed anyone. I didn't think I could show a real smile this summer not after what happened to me the past year in L.A , California.

"Yep," he said "even though some people stayed away."

I already knew who he was talking about, and he knew that I knew who he was talking about, but he still turned to Lucy. I turned with him feeling something strong inside me, but I wasn't sure of what it was. I stared at Lucy; she was thin like me we were the same size in jeans, not so much in shirts my breasts were a little bigger than hers, but that wasn't what made us different. She was light and her blue eyes were like the sky while my hazel eyes were sometimes as dark as the sand in the beach. Her black hair made her look even more pale while my burgundy hair made me look lighter but not pale. She was a few inches taller maybe only two but she was still taller than me. She hated that it made her not be able to wear hills. As I thought this I reminded my self to take off my hills I never walked in the sand with any kind of shoes on. As I did this Lucy and Eric came to us. I'd forgotten the coldness that April still had in Michigan, especially at night. I hadn't picked out a great night to wear a strapless shirt and a skirt.

"Hey is he with you?" Eric asked. I took it as a double question like am I with him or did he just tag along.

"He just came along, Lucy you know Alex my new roommate," I stopped when I saw the expression on all the people around me, all of my friends, what had I said?

"Well she has her own room and a lock," Alex assured, which made Eric and Lucy loosen up. I thought about it for a while and laughed too loudly. They all started to pick me up in hugs, I usually got scrunched by two people at the same time which didn't hurt because I knew that they were happy to see me, I had been gone for almost two years.

"Are we going to stand here in the parking lot, or are we going to party?" Bruce asked loudly.

"We are going to party," I yelled back with as much enthusiasm as Bruce, jumping on him.

"Hey smiley," he said kissing my forehead. "Welcome back, we meaning I missed you," he whispered in my ear so that no one could hear.

"I missed you more," I whispered back, after a moment I added "Um do you think you could put me down I am wearing a skirt," I reminded him.

"Don't tell me you guys didn't bring bathing suits it's the beach," he reminded everyone else.

"Oops guess I forgot," I replied only to him.

"Oh," was all he said, he put me down gently so no one could see anything. I thought about it why had I said that? Its not like these people haven't seen me in a bathing suit, wasn't it the same if I was wearing my underclothes? I always wore a two piece it shouldn't be any different, then I remembered the only person who hadn't seen me in any kind of clothes, Alex, he'd only seen me in the clothes I wore yesterday and the one I wore and was wearing today. I also remembered the shame I had felt the last time anyone had seen me naked or in my underclothes.

Eric was about to grab me and I don't know why, I liked Eric I had the biggest crush in him, but yet I didn't want him to touch me not today not in front of anybody, so I said "Hey I didn't say you could put me down, how about you carry me to the beach," I said to Bruce, he was strong and tall.

He picked me gently and I laughed "Yeah like you ever cared if anyone saw you being harsh with me," I said to him, Bruce was always playful with everyone, he use to swing me around in circles until we were both dizzy and fell.

"Okay then," he said and he swung me in his arms while he walked to the beach, I was able to get a quick glance at Alex smiling when he saw how Bruce and I got along. Maybe he was smiling at me I wasn't sure but still I smiled even if he didn't see it.

When we got the seashore I saw the bonfire and other people there, someone yelled and Bruce to put me down or I would throw up on him, but Bruce didn't mind.

"Hey guys!" I said when I got close enough and Bruce stopped twirling me.

"Hey pretty face," a lot of guys said at the same time, I was used to the name calling it wasn't bad because I knew they meant no harm when they said that, it was like a way for them to describe me, the only one who called me by name was Lucy and Bruce.

Bruce put me down and I sat with everyone around me. I was happy to be close to all the people that really loved me; I loved the feeling when I was around them.

"Hey did you guys miss me," I asked.

"It was hard," a voice I knew replied "there was a substitute, around when you were gone." Jared finished

"Oh," was all I could manage.

"I'm playing," he yelled "come here and give me a hug you know I love you," he said. Love, I thought, we used for everyone we loved. I hugged Jared and then he saw Alex and went for him too.

"Hey dude, what have you been up to?" he asked Alex. He held us both in his arms and I could really feel Alex behind me. I was burning in every spot that he touched me; I don't know why I felt that way it was as if he was fire burning my skin. When Jared stopped hugging us, I felt relieved that I wasn't burning, but mad that he wasn't touching me.

"So," Eric said "What happened yesterday we had to cancel our plans?" he asked

"Oh sorry I had to stay to greet our guest," I said looking at Alex. Alex just smiled and didn't say anything; he went of with some of the people he knew. I sat around the people I knew and talked to them for a while. After half an hour I didn't feel right I glanced at Lucy and gave her a quick signal for her to go to the other side of the seashore. She got up quietly and started walking by her self; I got up after a few seconds and walked with her quietly.

"What's wrong?" she asked

"I don't know, I feel weird around so many joy, I know its weird but then again I am weird," I replied.

"Is it about Alex or is it Eric or maybe something else?" she asked. I couldn't lie to her I always answered her truthfully, why lie to her when she knew about everything about me, except what she never asked like about my life in California.

"I think its Alex, I don't know ever since he came I get these weird feelings, especially when I am around him," I paused to look at her "what do you think? I think I like him but not sure how." She stared at me as if hurt but she wasn't looking at my eyes just at my body.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"I'm sorry, I think I like him too" she looked away this time.

"What? Who?" I asked her, I wasn't sure who she meant it could have been Alex but no she told me she hadn't talked to him, but neither had I and I felt this way. She was still silent.

"Who?" I asked again, but it was too late Alex, Jared, and Bruce were coming our direction, they were actually shirt less, Jared and Bruce were wearing swim shorts and Alex was wearing boxers. I felt breathless I couldn't help staring at him only; it was unbelievable how he looked so fine, cute, and gorgeous.

I suddenly realized what was happening, Lucy and I were walking on the seashore we always did that when we wanted to be alone we were holding hands like we always did, we were best friends and nothing could separate us. Bruce and Jared were on the ends and Alex in the middle, they were running now, fast too, Lucy and I tried to run but it was too late they came pounding on us, they were too strong and Alex came in between my hand and Lucy's and unhooked us it felt bad how that happened as soon as he came Lucy and I were separated. They threw us in the water it was harsh but they were just playing, just like they always did.

Lucy and I went back to the shore I noticed her looking at all three of them especially one of them, suddenly I was thrown in the water again this time not so harsh I noticed it was Bruce, he asked if I wanted to change to let my clothes dry of before I went back home. He helped me out of the water and with my shirt, I saw Alex looking at us curious to see what we were doing I pulled Lucy to me as soon as I could and told her to take her clothes off too so I wouldn't be the only one there who got stared at.

"What?" she asked.

"Please," I begged.

"Whatever if I get sick it's your bill," she said playing.

"Yeah sure what ever you want," I replied serious now.

We both took our clothes off and left on our panties and bra, in my case, and her bathing suit. She shivered and so did I, it was like a reaction everything I did she did, everything she did I did, we were like twins with the same thoughts, same emotions. I decided to get in the water since it was so cold in the shore, Bruce didn't wait for my permission he just grabbed Lucy and I from our waist and threw us in the water.

"Is this the playboy beach?" I heard Eric call "Why is Bruce having all the fun?" he asked, I was sure why he meant it, Alex and Jared just stared at us and Bruce, I didn't care he was my best friend and so was Lucy. Eric came by and swung me around and before I knew it I was on his shoulders and he was playing with me in the water, it was fun I always like the beach and it was fun getting wet, I loved the rain as much I loved the beach it was good for me, with both I felt free. I was laughing now and smiling I was happy again.

When we got out it was cold I put my clothes back on and so did Lucy, again like a reaction. While I went to the bonfire Lucy went to her car to get her jacket, it was colder than ever or maybe it was just the fact that I had just gotten out of the water and was wearing a skirt and a strapless shirt. Either way it was cold, I saw Alex going after Lucy when she went to get her jacket maybe it was my imagination but I saw him smile, as he looked at my face, at my reaction. When they were back I saw both of them were smiling, it frustrated me not knowing what was happening, for once I didn't care what she was thinking but what he was thinking, which made me feel bad because she was my friend my best friend, I couldn't do that to her.

I saw Bruce look at my face; I could tell he had been looking at me for a while now. I looked away keeping away from his gaze, but before I could look away he patted the spot next to him and smiled. I moved quickly around all the people and sat next to him.

"Hey I know what's wrong with you," he said.

"Really?" I asked not surprised at all he always knew what was wrong with me, even before I found out. He hugged me and slightly kissed my hair.

"You know if you like him you should do something or at least tell her before someone gets hurt," he said.

"I already did," I sighed.

"Wow really I can't believe she's still at it though," he stopped and said nothing more, I waited a little bit more and then realized he thought he had said too much.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"Well I didn't want to tell you, but I guess you will soon know," he said.

"What!" I yelled now and Alex and Lucy stared at me and turned their heads at the same time. I was sad my best friend was keeping something from me, I knew about as much as she knew about me and she was keeping a secret from me, I felt betrayed, by her and by him.

"Come on," Bruce said "walk with me."

I got up slowly and he hugged me tightly, I turned to glance back this time only to see a tear running down Lucy's cheek and Alex's frown.

"Last year," he started "when he came….well he kind of took your place"

"I heard that three times now," I told him in a sad tone that only made him hug me tighter. I heard footsteps behind us and I didn't even turn if it was Lucy, I didn't want to see her not now not in some days, and if it was Alex I still didn't want to turn I detested him, not only for taking my freedom the first day, but for taking something that was more precious to me, my family, yeah this is what these people were to me my family, something I didn't have back in California.

"Here thought you might need this," I heard the voice and didn't even turn I didn't want to see him even though Bruce hadn't said anything I sort of knew what everything was about.

"Thanks a lot thief," the words came out of my mouth before I knew them, I ran and Bruce went after me.

"Wait!" he yelled "its okay let me tell you," he continued. As much as I wanted to run I couldn't, I wanted to hear the story first. I sat in the shore letting the water hit my legs and thighs, I could feel the water and got happy all over, I loved the water there was no way I could be sad here.

"Hey" he said "you run pretty fast, aren't you cold? You're half naked, you know you are about the only girl that I know that doesn't turn me on like that," he looked away

"Okay that was unnecessary," I said "whose jacket is that?" I asked.

"You know who it belongs to, don't act dumb with me and don't try to lie to me either, even though I know how you feel it is weird, I thought you had a crush on Eric?" he said.

"Too many questions, why don't we start with the story first," I suggested.

"Okay," he started "well first of all Lucy never like him, he was just a stranger to her, she was waiting for your arrival but you never came back, this was last summer somewhere around this time. We were all talking to Alex except for her, she wouldn't speak to him, he was doing everything you would do if you were here, and Lucy hated this she wanted so bad to talk to you. Then you called and gave us the news that you weren't going to be here that summer. Lucy became silent and for a while a month or so," he stopped to look at me.

"It must have been hard for her," I said "I wanted to come so bad but I couldn't, and I felt so bad when...my stay with my parents was for nothing" I stopped before I said something more, I wasn't suppose to say, not that I wasn't suppose to, it wasn't something I wanted to talk about, it was something I hadn't even told Lucy it would seem bad to tell Bruce. Bruce felt my silence and kept talking.

"Yeah it was hard for her, and then he started talking to her she would never respond still thinking it would be wrong since he was taking your house your space in between all of us. She knows how difficult you are when it comes to changes or new people. She watched all of us talking to him, becoming the same friends that we were to you. She was mad at first but she started giving in…" I stopped listening to him for a while and thought back to what Lucy had told me Lana wanted to talk to him, and since you weren't here he kind of took you place in school she was lying she lied to me, how could she? I never said I gave in did I? You know I would never do that to you, so my point was… she had changed to another subject, so I wouldn't notice, I was mad tears were running down my cheek, I tried to stop sobbing but couldn't it was impossible. I didn't know if it was what was happening now, what had happened then, or if it was my memories from California that were making me be so mad and furious at everyone. I think it was all.

"…she talked to him more everyday and he sort of started liking her but she didn't pay any attention to that, she liked him like a friend, she wanted him to be you" he paused and looked at me again and kept talking "so they kept talking and then she liked him more than just a friend she…well liked him already" he sighed "look I am sorry I didn't want to tell you this is just so frustrating that I had to be the one to tell you all of that" he watched me and I looked at his eyes, he knew me better than anyone now, better than Lucy.

"I already knew you would like him you know," he looked at me and I stared back "what? I am right and you know that… you probably love him or something he said. I just didn't know it would impact you on the first day."

"Yeah sure whatever, I hate him more than ever he is taking everything that I have left," I shivered in the cold, and Bruce put the jacket over me, I just let it fall in the sand and cried again as I felt the burning in my skin. I couldn't believe how deep in I was now, I believed Bruce I probably did like the guy, Alex, I thought. I should have stayed in California.

"What did you mean when you said that you had stayed for nothing last summer?" Bruce asked curious. I couldn't lie to him now we were closer than ever, and he might be the only thing I had left.

"Well it's a long story…," I started "but I guess we have time" I looked at the sky and then back down at the sea "my parents were getting in many fights ever since I was nine or eight, that's when I started coming to aunt Clara she is my moms sister and my only support, she took me in all these summers when I couldn't take my parents fighting every time I did something wrong they would get in a fight. I felt bad so I started running away and coming here it was the best place on earth," I paused and looked at Bruce and watched him stare back at me "so I came here, last summer was different, they didn't even sleep in the same bed anymore and I tried to get family nights with both of them in the same place so they could bond, but they didn't even talk. I was mad at them for every fight they made me watch I was old enough now to know what happened back then when I was nine I still didn't get it, but last year I was old enough and I was angry. They didn't care about me they only thought about their important jobs and money.

"I was mad at them I didn't want to hear them yelling so I ran off I didn't want then to know so I didn't get my car I just ran out and kept running. They didn't even notice me gone they just kept yelling, I kept running as if that could stop them. When I noticed that I wasn't alone in the street I was scared there were silhouettes in the shadows of the street light and they looked big not a girls figure not even a boys, they were men older than me and way bigger, I tried to run faster but couldn't…" I stopped talking and sobbed on Bruce's shirt and he held me tight like if he felt my pain.

"hush honey its okay its going to be okay don't think about it, I am sorry I made you talk about it," he said, I could feel his tears on my face now "do you know who they were?" he asked.

"I could probably recognize them if they came around me again, but I have no one to talk to about it, my parents pretend that it never happened, aunt Clara doesn't know and well other than that anyone else will never find out " I said.

"Okay you don't have to continue just lay down for a while," he told me.

"I told them not to," I whispered to Bruce knowing there were still people around, not many but enough to hear me if I yelled. I got caught up in my thoughts and kept talking.

"but they wouldn't listen Bruce they wouldn't and they started ripping my shirt apart all of them not just one, all of them." I cried even louder I was sure anyone could hear me but no one would come they knew I was with Bruce and that he was probably telling what had happened when I was gone. Such cowards I thought, Eric didn't even mention anything, I was mad at all of them. I kept telling him torturing him with my thoughts "they wouldn't let me go and they did it Bruce, and not one of my parents were there to save me, no one to stop them, they raped me." I cried even louder "my parents stopped fighting when I was in the hospital, and I kept getting hurt just for them so they wouldn't fight, I woke up in the hospital at least once a week after that. I pretended to be asleep and they were quiet trying not to wake me up. It was the only time they would be quiet, when I was hurt. So I just kept hurting myself, I was willing to jump of a high enough building hoping to only brake a bone. I wasn't just putting my life in danger now but someone else's too. Someone who didn't have any fault in this but still I hated her I hated her with all my heart and there was nothing I could do about it."

I stopped talking I didn't want to tell Bruce the rest it was enough that he had heard what I had said. I just sobbed and cried all over again like that February when I found out about the one little girl that I tried to hurt.

"Like I said it was for nothing they are yelling louder now, that's why I came back to Michigan I needed to get away," I was on his lap sitting there just crying and sobbing, Bruce held me tight and didn't let go. I saw a figure and knew fast who it was it was the same shadow that I had seen earlier over me when I was changing my doorknob.

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"Not long, just got here," his voice was shaking and I knew he heard part of it maybe just the end because he didn't look too startled like Bruce.

"Go away!" Bruce yelled at him.

I was still shaking and I felt a protective shield with Bruce there he was like my big brother.

"Everyone is gone and it's two already," Alex replied.

"Oh," was all I could manage I was mad at him he had taken my best friend and I was mad at that.

"We'll be there I'll wait until she is alright okay? Wait by her car." Bruce replied slowly, I could feel his anger too, he was as mad as I was. I hadn't noticed I was shivering, but not because I was cold but because my cry hadn't stopped I was crying louder each time. I was glad though I felt relieved that I had told someone, someone I trusted someone who wouldn't hurt me, my big brother Bruce.

"Need help?" Alex asked I laughed loudly at this, it was the second time he had offered his help to me. Bruce just stared at me as if I was now delusional so I talked again.

"I'm okay, it was just funny… never mind take me home Bruce."

I woke up to hear Alex and Bruce talking. I wasn't sure what they were saying, but I was sure they thought I couldn't hear them, and that I had been knocked out for a while now maybe an hour or so.

"Don't hurt her, whatever you do don't hurt her, please" Bruce pleaded.

"I would never do that, it's different now that I have met her," Alex replied, they were talking about me.

"Well I don't care if you see her differently, if you hurt her you will be in a lot of trouble with me," Bruce assured Alex

"Do you love her?"

The question caught both me and Bruce of guard.

"Yes of course I do, I wouldn't help her if I didn't. Don't you think?"

"I meant as a girlfriend you know like really love her," Alex asked again.

"Yeah you could say I do love her, but not like that. I always wanted to have a big brother, but never had one. I know she wants to have someone to take care of her, to want her so I'm always going to be anything she wants me to be, like the big brother I never had. If anyone hurts her they hurt me." Bruce answered his question and I was glad that I was awake to hear it.

"Sorry I didn't mean to offend you," Alex apologized.

"Yeah I know, so how much did you hear back at the beach," Bruce asked

"Not much, enough though," he replied.

Bruce looked mad "What is enough for you?" he asked mad. I started to move slowly as if I was barley waking up; I didn't want to hear his answer. Knowing how much he knew about me made me feel strange so I didn't want to know how much he had heard. They both looked at me and I was opening my eyes slowly, waiting for them to clearly see that I was awake.

"Hey smiley, how are you doing?" Bruce asked

"Fine, where are we at?" I asked curious

"We're about to get to your house," he answered "I wanted to let you relax just incase aunt Clara was waiting up."

"How long have I been gone?" I asked.

"An hour or so," Alex answered.

I didn't want to hear his voice it was disturbing so I just looked out the window.

We were home and I was glad that I didn't have to ride with Alex home alone.

"Well I guess I am going to get out now," Bruce said trying to hint to Alex to get out of the car.

"Well nice seeing you again Bruce," he said politely "see you in school Monday"

And he was gone without a glance at me he was gone.

"Smiley, you're the best you know that" he asked. I just smiled.

"Hey how are you going to get home?" I asked.

"Well I was hoping that you would let me stay, with you," he looked at me.

"You can if you want to, you would never hurt me and I know that" I replied.

"I was playing you know that, you take things to seriously, actually I am taking your car back to my house and bringing it to you tomorrow," he said.

"No really, you can stay with me if you want I have a queen size" I said playing about the queen sized bed, but serious about him staying with me I was afraid.

"No that is insane I won't bother you tonight you need a good night rest" he explained

"You being there would help me a lot you know, last night I didn't sleep at all I was scared of him, I think that is the real reason I bought the doorknob with a lock. I think I'm scared of him. Maybe he will come in my room-"

"He wouldn't do that"

"I don't know him enough so I'm scared, if you won't sleep here then I will sleep at your house."

"I shouldn't have said anything," he sighed "gosh your aunt will kill me if she sees me in your room."

"I got a lock remember there is no way, she can come in I got the lock that cost the most, that must mean it's secured"

"You really are scared of him aren't you?" He asked.

"Yeah I am, plus you are my big brother," I reminded him.

"You were awake, you faker" he teased me.

"Will you stay for me, please?" I begged.

"What ever you want," he said "how much did you hear?"

"Enough," I replied.

We walked in the house quietly, and still I could see the shadow of someone standing over the hallway and as soon as Bruce and I were headed that way the shadow disappeared into the only room left in this side of the hall. The other two rooms in the house were on the opposite side of the house. When we were in front of my bedroom I tried opening the door but it was locked, I shook the doorknob hard and the sound was loud.

"Oops," I whispered, I felt Bruce chuckle behind me, I laughed too, a little too loud though.

"Shhh," he whispered back.

I grabbed my keys from my purse and we went in my room.

"Wow, it looks the same," Bruce said looking around my room, as I turned on the light. I didn't worry about the light I had a dark curtain in my window and my door kept any light form escaping my room.

"Yeah," I said to my self "I don't like changing much I like how everything looked ever since I got here."

"You know I had a crush on you," he said matter-of-factly.

"What!" I shrieked. I didn't like Bruce like that; he was my big brother, nothing more.

"Calm down, that was when you were nine, and cute," he said, I took that as a compliment, I didn't like it when people talked to me about being pretty.

"What?" was all I could manage.

"You are still beautiful, but I realized that you are my little sister, and I your big brother."

"Oh, well hello big brother," I said laughing at my self. My voice was soft and childish; everyone could always tell when it was me.

"Where am I staying?" he asked.

"In my room," I said "Where else?"

"I meant where am I sleeping?" he asked again.

"Oh," I had lied about the queen size bed, and he knew it he had been in my room before and it wasn't new to him "what about camping on the floor with me," I offered.

"No, you stay on the bed and I will watch over you, and then tomorrow you drive me back to home, and I can sleep when I get there," he looked as if he was imaging everything in his head.

"Ok, you are not staying up, you are going to sleep."

"Don't tell me you are not afraid of him coming in here, I mean that is why you wanted me to stay."

"Yeah I am, but you're here and you won't let him hurt me," I said.

I was scared of Alex, as much as I didn't want to admit it I was, anyone who could have the right to stay in my house, in the same hallways as me would have me fearing because of them, it was another reason I didn't like him much, he could come in my room when ever he wanted to. Bruce sat on the window seat; it was built in between the walls so there was a small rectangle carved in the wall big enough for my window. I loved that spot of my room, I use to sleep in it without any intention looking out at the stars made me feel tired.

"Can I sit with you?" I asked

"Sure," he said, making a space for me the closest to the window.

"Why don't you like him?" Bruce asked, it surprised me I thought he knew that I like Alex I mean that was what he had seen earlier. In my eyes he had seen how I was mad that Alex had gone after Lucy when she had left.

"I don't know, at first it was the fact that when he got here I couldn't go to the beach, I was ready to be free yesterday," I replied quietly.

Bruce just looked at me as if expecting more; he didn't say anything so I kept talking.

"And today I find out he is taking my only family, aren't those enough reasons to dislike him? Hate him even?" I asked not only Bruce but also my self.

"He is not taking me." Bruce guaranteed me. I was happy to have heard this, then I thought even though Lucy told me she didn't give in she had lied, and then I wasn't so sure about Bruce anymore, just that one thought made me change my mind. I stared at him seriously now, I didn't know if he wasn't lying, he couldn't lie Bruce wouldn't lie to me.

"I am not Lucy ok," he assured me as if he had read my mind "and I am also not saying I wont talk to him, but still I wont leave you it will always be like the old times," he paused and took a deep breath "even better now, because I know that you trust me enough to tell me anything, and I trust you smiley."

I looked at him and then turned to look out the window, I knew Bruce wouldn't lie to me. We sat in silence for a while, and then I got up and turned off the lights, it bugged me that I was in clear view, anyone who walked by this window could see us with the light on. Bruce was on the opposite side of the window seat, so we were facing each other we looked at one another for a while, I was just a tiny bit darker than him, his eyes were green and they flickered with the light that came from the moon. He was also taller than me; everyone I knew was except for Lana she was a little shorter. Bruce was also built and strong, he carried me and Lucy together; he was good looking too, but not my type.

"Go to sleep and stop staring at me," he said bringing me back from my thoughts.

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to stare," I replied

"Well go to sleep then," he whispered.

I scooted to his side; the window seat was long about five feet and a half, so we both fit together. I closed my eyes and started to feel my thought shifting somewhere else. I was at the beach by myself and I was crying, but no one heard me, I kept walking deeper in the sea and still no one stopped me. Everyone watched me but no one stopped me, they let me go. I suddenly heard a light knock on the door, I thought about it and was surprised when no came in, I hadn't locked the door last night, I'd forgotten to with Bruce here I didn't need to lock it. If it was my aunt I was really grounded. The knock came back and it was a little louder now, really waking me from the long dream it was always long even though I did the same thing for hours, I had this every night after the night I had ran away.

"Come in," I heard Bruce say. The door opened slowly, I couldn't see the face behind the door, my eyes were still closed, and I felt too tired to open them. If I was going to get grounded then I would get enough sleep.

"Hey Aunt Clara is gone," Alex said, still searching for us in the room, he looked at the bed but we were by the window. Once he saw us he looked surprised as if he had seen something out of the ordinary, maybe it was just me I still had my eyes half way closed, the light from the window was too bright "Oh sorry I knocked," he said looking at me only. I yawned and answered him politely now, not so scared.

"Yeah I know," I didn't really know, but I didn't care if I lied to him, Bruce started to get up, but I grabbed his shirt tightly now, so he didn't move.

"I was just saying incase you didn't want her to see him in here," he responded.

"Well, I got to go take a nap," Bruce said trying to get my attention.

"No, you can stay here in my room, I'll make some breakfast," I smiled at him.

"Ok, but be nice," he commanded me.

"I am always nice to you," I responded surprised at what he'd said.

"I meant to him," Bruce said shaking his head toward the direction Alex had left, he had gone seconds before Bruce said anything, because he was already in the kitchen messing with some pans. "You know he doesn't know what you went through, and your being hard on him," he spoke quickly as if trying not to get me mad.

"He is taking my life, he already took Lucy," I said remembering our talk, and the fact that I hadn't seen Lucy today even though I had just woken up it was another old tradition. What time was it? Last night was so late I was sure I had slept through most of my morning, at least I did Bruce looked tired.

"He hasn't taken Lucy, but your giving her to him," he paused to look at me but I turned to look outside the window, we were still laying down on the window seat me on his chest "do you think you could still talk to Lucy?" he asked.

"I don't know," I whispered back.

And I didn't know, I was confused, Lucy had lied to me she had a chance to tell me but she didn't. Could I blame her the guy was good looking, and I knew that good looks were tempting, Lucy was as crazy as me I knew that just like I had a crush on Eric she had a crush on Alex.

I got up and went to my bathroom, aunt Clara had let me have the master room ever since I was younger I used to get up to go to the restroom a lot so I needed the bathroom. The room wasn't bigger than the rest of the four rooms in Aunt Clara's house, but she didn't use any of them only her own. Her kids were long gone and she didn't see much of them. She had two girls and one boy, there were now in their mid twenties, I used to be with them for like three summers until one by one they started heading of to college. I wondered what room Alex was in but then remembered the shadow from last nigh. I knew Aunt Clara was in Stacy's room, her first daughter and the one who had left her first, she was a single mother so she didn't need the master bedroom.

I went in the bathroom that was connected to my closet, and looked at the clock it was around noon, wow I slept a lot. I took a quick shower and got in my clothes, sweats and a tank top, like always, somehow now I felt naked. I brushed my teeth and stared at the reflection in the mirror; I hated my body and my face, they called for too much attention.

"Hey what are you doing?" Bruce asked, I jumped scared, I hadn't noticed him.

"Washing me teeth," I said pointing at my mouth.

"No, you were looking at yourself in the mirror," he corrected me with a smile.

"Yeah, I hate how I look," I said.

"Guess that's two now," he said smiling at me "but I get why you feel that now," he said walking away.

"I'm hungry, I think I'm going to go eat with Alex," he looked at me for assurance.

"Whatever, go I'll be there in a while," I said.

"Really he's not bad," Bruce said "You should get to know him," he said leaving my room and heading for the kitchen.

"Yeah," was all I could manage.

I went to the kitchen a few minutes after. I didn't want to eat but still tried to be nice.

"Hey that's my job," I said looking at Alex, while he was cooking.

"Yeah well it didn't seem like you wanted to when I arrived the first day and you didn't even eat at all yesterday," he said looking at the food and not at me.

Was he mad at me? He sounded angry.

"Okay, need help?" I laughed at the question, and I could see him smiling even though he still didn't turn to look at me. I could talk to him; it wasn't his fault that his parents were being dumb by yelling at each other in front of him. I knew how he felt sad, alone; mad for not being able to stop his parents from fighting. It wasn't even his fault that I hadn't come last year leaving him an invitation to take my friends.

"Thanks, but no thanks, I'm picky with food," he answered.

"Then I guess I should start learning what you like and what you don't, because I'm the one who does the cooking around here," I said challenging him as I sat on the counter, I could see Bruce smiling at me from the table where he was sitting on.

"No, thanks I can cook for myself," he answered.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today," I murmured too loudly.

"And someone didn't even wake up on her bed today," he answered me.

"Uh, uh," I heard Bruce cough from behind, I'd expected him to say something to Alex but he didn't.

I got of the counter and went to sit in the table. What was wrong with Alex? Why was he mad at me? What did I do?

"Hey guys what are you doing?" Aunt Clara said from the door, holding the groceries "Oh hey honey, what are you doing up so early its Sunday?" she asked turning to Bruce.

"Oh hey Clara, I just came by to see, Uh…Yohanna," he hesitated; he never called me by my name. He had always called me smiley girl. I use to be smile all the time, fake or not my face always had a smile. Bruce was one year older than I was; he was seventeen about to turn eighteen.

"Oh well I didn't see your car and I am certain you didn't walk," she accused him.

Bruce lived on the other side of Harbor Springs, so he couldn't walk all the way over here. Aunt Clara was now looking at us suspiciously, Bruce wouldn't lie to her she was always nice to him.

"Some friends dropped him off," Alex said turning to look at Aunt Clara.

"Hey why are you cooking?" Aunt Clara asked turning to Alex then to me "its tradition Yohanna."

"Yeah I know, but he wouldn't let me, plus he said he was picky with food so I let him."

"Help me with the groceries," she said looking at all three of us.

"Don't worry our traditions are forever, I will learn his tastes in no time."
We put all the food away and sat on the table while Alex served.

"This is awkward," Aunt Clara said.

"Sit, I'll serve," I told Alex.

Somehow he obeyed without any arguments. He sat on my chair and I started serving, only for them though, I didn't feel like eating with him there.

"What? Your not eating again?" aunt Clara began "you didn't eat yesterday either and you haven't eaten today; I can tell."

"Yohanna, sit and eat something," Bruce said after aunt Clara had finished, he looked surprised as if he hadn't known I hadn't eaten, and then I thought and remembered I hadn't told him I didn't feel comfortable eating around Alex either.

"Why are you guys teaming up on me?" I paused to see if they would keep trying to make me eat "really I am not hungry Aunt Clara, I ate dinner with Bruce last night and was way too full," I lied to her, and Bruce gave me a disappointing look. My stomach growled giving me away, I felt betrayed again by my own body. Alex just shook his head slowly and chuckled.

"Okay I'll eat but I am really not very hungry," I complained hoping my stomach wouldn't growl again, and it didn't. Thanks, I thought in my head. I grabbed some food and put it on my plate, sat down and chewed.

"Thought I wouldn't live to see this day," Alex teased.

We sat and talked about school, Alex's ride, and other things; turns out he lives on the southern part of Michigan, we also spoke about my flight I had left my car here two years ago. I had two cars, one in California and one here, my parents I guess felt guilty so they gave me everything I wanted, that's the reason they let me come here every summer without complaining. I had my own credit card, but I didn't use the money unless I needed it, I didn't want them to feel that they were right. There was only one time that I overused my card.

"So how was your summer Yohanna?" Aunt Clara asked. She was hurt last year when I didn't come to her house. I stared at Bruce and he frowned, I glanced quickly at Alex, and then away. I noticed he was curiously looking at me but I didn't look at him a lot.

"I don't know my summer hasn't started yet," I said with a fake smile.

"I meant last summer."

"Fine," I lied to her again.

"What did you do?" Aunt Clara asked.

"Many things," I said "how about you?" I asked her trying to change the subject.

"Oh I was here with Alex, just hanging out, waiting for you to change you mind," she whispered.

"I was just looking for a girlfriend last summer," Bruce yelled happily.

I knew why he'd done it, my face was something he didn't like looking at when it was sad.

"Really, so did you find anyone good?" I asked now curious.

"No, well her name is Suzy, she's hot," he smiled at me.

"Where did you find her?" Alex asked.

"At a party, she was really lonely so I kept her company."

Aunt Clara and I rolled our eyes and together said, "Whatever."

"Don't get mad," Bruce said "you guys are my favorite girls," he finished smiling.

"Yeah, sure," I said.

"So what are we doing today?" Bruce asked. "Party?"

"No I am too tired for that, its two already and I don't have my school supplies or clothes for this summer," I reminded him

I always left my stuff with my parents, I thought if I brought them with me I would bring every bad memory, so I left them behind, plus California was hot and Michigan wasn't always hot.

"Oh, honey you can go with Alex, he went to the store downtown last year," Aunt Clara said.

"Um, I already got my supplies earlier this morning," Alex interrupted.

"Oh, its okay I'll take her then," Bruce offered "I'll tell Eric to come with us" Bruce continued "he would be happy to go with us."

"I didn't say I wouldn't take her, just that I had already bought my stuff," Alex explained to Bruce.

"And who said I would go with you two?" I asked both of them "plus I don't need any help," I said mad at both of them. Bruce was trying to drag him with us and Alex was being weird, first he is mad at me and now he wants to go with us, well with me to the store, what did he want me to think? I stared at both of them and just shrugged.

"What, I want to take Lucy with me, you know is something we do every year," I said looking at Bruce "plus she's a girl I don't think you two want to wait for me outside a dressing room."

"Where is Lucy?" aunt Clara asked "she always stays with you the weekend before you start school, this is so surprising."

And it was Lucy would be with me from the Friday that I arrived to the Sunday before I had to go to school. I'd forgotten I didn't want to talk about her, which was why I wouldn't say her name throughout all of our conversations this morning. I stared at Alex; he just looked away smiling and frowning at the same time. Bruce just looked at me with a smile he wanted everything back the way it use to be, with me smiling all the time.

"You are?" Bruce asked.

"Why wouldn't she" Alex said, again more like a statement rather than a question.

"Well I am going to go to shower before I head of to work."

Aunt Clara was a secretary in a big company; she worked from 2:00 pm to 10:00 pm. She walked to her bedroom, which was on the opposite hall from mine and Alex's.

"So are you going to call Lucy?" Bruce asked.

"I don't know," I replied.

"I thought you were taking her with you," Alex asked.

"That was just to get Aunt Lucy to relax and to get you two of my back," I said sharply, suddenly I was mad at him again when I thought about Lucy and me.

"Yohanna!" Bruce snapped "remember what I asked of you, and Lucy has no fault in anything," Bruce finished.

"Yeah, well whatever I will call her I need to talk to her anyways," I replied walking to my room. I got my cell phone to call her; I wouldn't use the house phone when he could, at any time, pick up the other line and eavesdrop again.