m a y b e - s h e - w a s - a l r e a d y - d y i n g

and the world will claim over
everyone
who had died in huge red neon signs
saying 'i loved him' and 'she was
such a wonderful person'
my bottled blue hope skims
the sky to find emotion, you've
drained the earth already
my mother cuts the onions
so i pretend the onion
is making me cry. i
hate feeling this
way, don't you know?
this inability to achieve
the fumbling dreams.
the years being mountains to
cloud the view, forget the
sun,
stars,
moon,
they never believed in you
anyway
why not give me that aching
heart and i'll fold
it into a stone,
emotionless will suit
you much better

through the lens you'll
be my perfect girl, catch the smile
that won't fit to their size, that
won't conform, that won't
limit thinking to
the lines they think have kept
the world out

behind you, i've eteched this
hurl of longing in breaking words

i lingered in front of the glass door
of the cancer ward today
but i couldn't find you

and i wondered if you
were
really gone
but my own mind laughed at me:
silly girl, she'd be in her room,
reading plath and pretending
she's a rockstar
why don't you check
?

why don't i check?

because i'm scared
if i can't find
you, then
i
won't
be
able
to
find
me
either.