It was impossible to stay away from him, even though I knew our relationship couldn't work. He didn't know I was there, like I was there every year for the past three years. Turning into a vampire had changed me, but it hadn't changed my feelings toward him. I would never love again, vampires could only love once in there life times. I was in love with a werewolf and there was a time when he loved me to. Back when I was still human.

Now, I'm 23 years old in human years, but permanently stuck as an 18 year old. Even though Erin aged about twice as slow as humans, I could still tell he was older, where as I was the same as ever. I wanted to hold him, to kiss him, but every time I got to near his natural instincts made him want to kill me. I looked at him, he was with another girl, even though he knew damn well I was his real mate. What werewolf would want to admit they had mated with a vampire?

As if he could feel my presence he looked out the window. Our eyes met for a moment and I cried, honestly cried, for the first time since I had been changed. I could see his inner struggle. Part of him wanted to comfort me the other wanted to rip me in half. I ran before he had time to make the decision. It was three days before Christmas, he didn't need to worry about disposing of my dead body. I would never hurt him, he knew I wouldn't fight against him if he decided to kill me. The sun was rising, I could still be out in it without being hurt. The older you got the harder the sun was on your eyes, but all vampires could go out in it.

I sent Erin a Christmas letter like I did ever year. He always told pack members I was a human that lived somewhere in Italy. This year I decided to write my own words in the card.


I just wanted to let you know that I'll always love you. I understand that we can never be together, even though I want us to be. I feel so lonely now that Christmas is on it's way. You know I haven't celebrated Christmas since the year you left. I was hoping that I could just pretend that the human world didn't exist, but the more I try the lonelier I get. I truly hope you are happy and I wish you the best in life.

I congradulate whatever girl that is lucky enough to be with you. Honestly I want you to be happy and forget about me, after all you can't waist your life with someone who can't even grow old with you. The only thing I ask is that you remember me always.As long as your heart knows I'm real I can live through the heart ache. Be good and try to stay out of trouble. Listen to James and enjoy life.

This is the last letter I will write you because I realize that it's time for us both to let go. I know my letters have been hurting you and that I've been selfish to even send them. I love you forever and always,


Tears were starting to fall from my eyes so I quickly sealed the envelope to stop the letter from getting wet. He couldn't stand to see me cry. I wouldn't ever let him know how hard it was going to be for me to cut him away from my life. I felt the last human thing fade away and was left as a true heartless vampire. Without love I was a cold, violent creature. I would need that to survive.

I used my strength to run super fast and put the envelope in his mailbox. I was quick enough that he didn't even see me put it in there. My mind was numb. My heart stopped beating as the result of leaving Erin behind. I was the lengenday evil creature humans spoke of. Nothing hurt anymore now that I was a heartless being. I was at peace at last.

James finished reading the letter for a third time letting my mate's words sink in. The charade was over, he knew she was a vampire. I was waiting for the yelling to come, for something other than the errie silence that surrounded us. I was so mad at myself, I let him read the letter before I even got the chance. If I would have known what she was going to say I would have gotten it as soon as I saw something pass the mail box. Now my girlfriend was mad at me, my pack alpha wasn't talking, and my mate might be in trouble if she was ever caught in this town again. Could I be anymore stupid?

I knew it was over between us, but a part of me always hoped that she'd come back. Of course every time I was around her I would start to shift and try and kill her. I loved her, but her vampiric scent made me want to kill her. I hated my life. Just as things were starting to look up, I saw her through my window. I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted her dead, but the other part of me wanted to take her in my arms and let her know that everything was going to be alright. Was everything going to be alright?

"Say something," I pleaded.

"What do you want me to say, Erin?" James asked sarcastically. He was angry and I flinched at the hatefulness in his voice. My eyes begged him to forgive me, but I knew his mind would never let the accident slide. How could she do this to me? I thought she was going to stay out of my life, not ruin it.

"Anything, Sir." I added respectfully. He looked at me, his eyes never really seeing my face. It was like he was reliving a bad memory. Jame's face was tortured, he was in pain that even I could feel.

"How could you? You not only let a vampire into your life, but you risked the packs safety by telling her about us. I can't just let this slide Erin. You've made some mistakes before, but this has to be the worst. You know how you should be punished, don't you?. If you weren't my cousin you'd have already been dead." he answered.

"I know," my head bowed down to show him respect. Then I tilted it to the side, showing my neck. A sign that if he chose to kill me I wouldn't fight back.

"Relax, I'm not going to hurt you. But your mistake will be fixed." I lifted my head up after his words were out.

"How," my voice was hoarse, and came out scratchy.

"First, you will be the one to announce to the pack what you have done." I nodded my head in response. "Second, your going to find out any friends this vampire might have, who she would have told, and where she's living," I nodded my head again. "Third, I want you to see to it that she never endangers our pack. Your to lead the pack in an attack and kill her personally. Then, so I know you didn't spare her, you must bring me her decapitated head." his voice was demanding. A direct order.

" Sir, there has to be another way!" I shouted. If he only knew that she was my mate, he would know why the order had affected me so much.

"What? Are you becoming a vampire lover now?" he was probably questioning my sanity. Afraid that I was going crazy like some of the other pack members.

"No, sir. I just feel like Angeline hasn't done anything wrong." I responded casually. Emotion tried to seep through every word, but I managed to hold it in.

"Angeline, I didn't know we named the leeches!" he spat."Your to kill her fast and quick. If I find out you disobeyed me you, your pack friends, and your vampire will all die." he resolved. My body jerked at his command, willing what he said to happen. This was a true order from our alpha.

" Icarus and Chander have nothing to do with this. They didn't even know Angeline existed." I defended them. Shouting at an alpha wasn't normally allowed, but I was to angry to stop myself. Shurly he wouldn't blame my friends too. It was my fault for letting her get to close.

"How do I know that your telling the truth? You obviously have lied to me before. You will fix your mistake."he demanded.

" I know," my voice quivered and I realized I no longer had a choice. He was making me do it." When do I start searching for her?"

"I'm holding a pack meeting tomorrow morning. Your to announce to everyone what has happened today, then I will assign you a search party and you will all go wherever necessary to get rid of her permanently. Is that understood?" James finished.

"Yes," my teeth clenched together in an attempt to protest.

"Good," James walked out the door in a huff letting the door slam shut.

I stood there for a few minutes, waiting for something, anything to happen. The wind was blowing air around the house and snow was beginning to stick outside. The air smelled like pine trees and water. I loved the chilly air. I tried to not think about what to do about Angela. She wasn't important anymore and she was going to probably hurt the pack. Even knowing that I still had a hard time with wanting to kill her. After all the two of us had been high school sweethearts. We'd been dating since she was a Freshman. I fell in love with her the moment she transferred into my school. Angeline was beautiful, tuff, and sometimes a real pain in the ass. My perfect kind of girl.

The door opened and Icarus came inside. I turned my head to him, knowing that he had heard the yelling comming from the house. He and Chander were almost like brothers to me. They had stuck by my side ever since my parents died and one of them were always there to help me when something bad happened.

" Wanna talk?" he asked, sitting down on my brown leather couch. I sat down in the recliner across from him.

"Not really. It's a long story." I answered. Ashamed for keeping Angeline a secret from him. He nodded his head and closed his eyes. Icarus knew that if I wanted to tell him I would. He never pressured me into anything. His eyes were black and blue underneath, probably from long nights scouting for enemies with James. What would Icarus think of me if he knew my x-girlfriend was one of the people he was out hunting for?

" I'm in huge trouble," He nodded, listening intently, even though I knew he was exhausted. "My old girlfriend was in town this morning. She came to visit and James saw her."

He chuckled alittle at that. "Wow that is terrifying!"

"You don't understand, Icarus. My x-girlfriend is a vampire." My face turned red with embarrassment and he bolted up out of his seat.

"Shit! Erin, why in hell would you date a mosquito?" he was wide awake now. On the alert and checking to make sure our conversation wasn't being listened in on.

"She was a human when I dated her," I defended myself.

"Oh, then why don't we just hunt the thing down? Why was James so upset? It's not like it'll be hard to fix the problem. It's not like she knows we're wolves and even if she does she hasn't had enough time to tell any others." he resolved leaning his head on the couch again.

" It's not that easy. She knows we're wolves and she's known for a long time." my voice was sullen

"How long are you talking about?" he grunted, clearly not concerned enough anymore.

"Since before she was a vampire. Nearly seven years ago, when I first changed." I was already prepared for his response, so it wasn't very surprising when he once again began to sniff around the room to make sure no one was near us.

"Why did you tell her? You know only the pack can know about us! Why didn't you just take care of the problem the moment she became a vampire!" Icarus's voice was harsh and judgemental. I would have to tell him the whole story or else he'd never think of me the same.

" She's my mate. I told her as soon as I realized that the two of us belonged together. You know James gives us permission to tell those we our mated with. That's all I was doing. When she was turned, I couldn't kill her. I still can't, but James has ordered me to.I-I don't know what I can do now." I buried my face in my hands and let tears fall from my eyes. He came to sit next to me.

"Does James even know she's your mate?" he asked.

" No, and I don't want him to. It wouldn't change anything. I still can't even be around Angeline without wanting to murder her. Besides he's right, any vampire that knows about us can't survive." I whispered.

"I'm sorry, friend. Truly I am. Your right though. Weather she's your mate or not James will want her dead." he told me, making his voice softer. He got up and moved to his room in the upstairs bedroom. Icarus and Chander both lived with me.

I leaned the chair back and allowed myself to drift into a light un nerving sleep.

I sunk my teeth into her forearm, my whole body quivering as her blood flooded into my mouth. I let out a deep grunt and pushed my teeth further into her skin. I felt her tremble and her body stiffen. Slowly my sanity came back and I dropped her. She wasn't dead which was good, but she was unconscious. No permanent damage done. Besides, she was a runaway, whoever found her would probably think me for putting her out in the open under a street lamp. I saw my teeth marks slowly fade into a scar on her arm. The poison my teeth carried made all humans forget they were ever attacked and it also made them heal faster. The amnesia wasn't permanent.

I had never fed from a human before, although I knew all about how it worked. Most of the time I fed from animals or drank from dead corpses. Their blood wasn't very good, but it let me keep my humanity. Last night I was so far gone that my humanity didn't matter to me anymore. All I wanted was to forget my human life and I had while I was drinking the human blood. Thoughts didn't hurt anymore and I was glad of that. The only downside was that when feelings did comeback, they came back full force.

My heart had stopped beating again now that I was away from Erin. It wouldn't start back up until I saw him again and for that I was relieved. Now I could be who I really was and my heart beat didn't betray me and allow people or other things to locate where I was. My friends didn't know about Erin, they thought I hadn't found the one I loved because they had never heard my heart pumping again. I hated when my heart worked because I had to feed and drink more blood to keep myself alive. It was an over exertion especially when blood was a necessity nearly once every two days. Here I could get by with feeding every other week.

I headed back to the cabin, but heard another sound. Instead I went to check the noise out. I wasn't afraid anymore, I was the hunter, never the prey. I saw a man drop the body, but I still didn't turn away. I could smell his too sweet smell, his strong cologne, and his fabric softener on his clothes. I new this man was a vampire, and I thought I knew who he was so I moved closer to him on the street.

"Arabella, is that you? I knew you'd come searching for me. You need me, don't you?" he asked. I hated how he called me that. I hated the name he gave me when he turned me into this creature. I cringed in memory of that night. He destroyed everything and then wanted me to stay with him! I wanted to destroy this man, but he terrified me and put me on the verge of tears.

"Khalid, my name is Angeline not Arabella and I wasn't searching for you. I'm perfectly fine on my own." my voice was strong and steady.

"No, I named you and you are Arabella, like it or not. Just like my name is Khalid, not Hayden. I got over it, just like you will my sweet."he whispered. Khalid stepped up to me and placed his hand against my cheek. I slapped him in the face and he backed away.

"You will never touch me again." I said. My knees were shaking and my head spinning.

"We will see," he laughed. I don't know what came over me, but I ran away as fast as I could, not afraid of the humans. I was running so fast that they wouldn't even have noticed anything. When I got to my cabin I didn't bother on knocking on the door. Rebeca, Bridget, Cara, and Leda would all be sleeping. The cabin wasn't very large and we could all barley even fit in it, even with it being two stories tall. I found my bunk bed and climbed to the top praying for a good nights sleep.

Fire burned brightly, the flames eating the manor all around me. I couldn't get out, I couldn't run, and even worse was that Erin was inside. I tried to find him, to get to the outside, but everywhere I turned fire followed. I could feel my skin burning, my face broke out in a deep sweat and smoke encased me. I tried to scream, but the smoke made my throat to sore. The fire department would never make it and I would die.

I felt my last breaths come and sat down so I could more properly give up. Just then I felt a cool mist beside me. Khalid stood by me and found a way out. I hugged him, breathed in his scent, then remembered Erin. I screamed, knowing that my mate was hurt. I felt his pain as my own. I could hear the fire surrounding me even though I was out in safety.

"No, let me go!" I shouted, struggling to escape Khalid's arms. He wouldn't release me. I tried to hit him, tried to pry myself away, but it was no use. Nothing was making him budge and I could feel my boyfriend being burnt alive." He'll die! Let me go," I pleaded. He laughed at me.

"It's better this way,"was all he said. Every second counted. The longer we talked the more pain Erin was in. I could feel his lugs straining for air.

"I love him, please. You have to let me save him," tears broke out across my face while he just stood there and let me be miserable.

"No," his voice was firm. His eyes sparkling in a language I didn't understand."The werewolf needs to die."

"How did you know?"I asked. My mind was temporarily distracted.

"I know everything my dear Arabella. Shhh. You'll understand soon," he crooned me. I spat at him, pulled at his hair, pushed him, but he didn't move still.

"What did you do?" I blurted out. He pinned my hands to my back to stop the punching. Then he kissed my cheek, sending a spidery feeling crawling all through my body. I continued struggling as the yard became a pile of ash and flame. The house was barley even there now. I could feel my breaths coming quicker, and assumed they were Erin's.

"You should be happy that I relieved you of your wolf problems little girl. You owe me." Khalid grinned.

"You did this?" I nudged my head in the direction of the fire. He nodded his head and laughed."Erin?"I began crying again.

"He had to be taken care of," he answered. "That mate of yours was a huge problem. Good thing we won't need to worry about that anymore." He bent his mouth toward my neck. I thought he was going to kiss me at first, but instead his teeth pressed into my flesh. It felt good in a weird way, but made me light headed. I gasped for breath and lost control of my body suddenly. It was like I had became paralyzed. No part of my body would work for me, air barley even went through my lungs. I couldn't feel Erin anymore and thought that he must have been dead.

Khalid layed me on the ground and pulled out a knife. He cut open the palm of his hand and opened his mouth. His blood began to drip onto my tongue. I tried to not swallow, but he pushed on my throat until I had no choice. Somewhere during this time I heard a voice.

"No,"Erin screamed. I heard his running, felt his exhaustion from the fire, felt his feelings for me overrule it all. His skin was black in some places, but he seemed alright. Khalid chucked a deep and throaty sound and picked me up from the floor. The last image I saw before I went unconscious was Erin's face. He looked sad and pained. I tried to reach out to him and I thought my arm had actually twitched. Then I saw nothing. Black surrounded it, it was as if no light existed in the world.

I woke up to someone pulling me off the bed. I felt weird, and for the first time in four years I couldn't hear Erin. I couldn't feel him either. My mate was nowhere which sent my mind into a panicked frenzy. The cell I was in smelled damp and mossy. I opened my eyes and was in a dungeon type room, with a gray stone floor and ceiling. My nails were longer and sharper, my eyes saw everything, even the dust in the room, which went beyond perfect vision. I thirsted for something, but I didn't know what. When Khalid came by the cell he had put me in I shouted to make him stop.

"What am I?"I asked his. He smiled at me, sending chills down my body.

"Your a vampire" He said. His face an evil mocking face.

I woke up screaming as I recalled the old memories.

There was a sharp pain in my side. It was a struggle to even breathe, let alone move. Natural instinct took over and I quickly checked my ribs to see if I had any broken bones. There was no blood, or bruises, my bones were in proper working order, so why was I in so much pain? What had happened to me?

I must have screamed out in pain before I had woken up because in less than thirty seconds Chander was down the stairs and sitting on the couch next to me. I hadn't felt that kind of pain since Angeline and I had stopped being able to empathize on one another. When our bond was nearly completely broken, near the end of her change into a vampire, I could feel her every pain, hear her every scream, what I had felt just then reminded me of that day. Maybe something happened to allow me to tap into her mind again. Maybe our bond was strong again. What if she was hurt?

I bolted up and then laughed at myself for having such a sudden reaction. I was silly to think it was her. When she was a full vampire I stopped being able to go into her mind, it wouldn't make sense if I could now. Plus, the only trouble she'd be in would come from my pack. I shouldn't be warning about her when I'm her future killer. Chander looked at me, my sudden outburst had spooked him, he was probably worried that I had lost it.

" Are you alright? I heard you from all the way upstairs." his eyes were a deep and troubled. A black color darker than the latest night. He hid many secrets from the pack. None of us knew where he came from.

"Yeah, just a bad dream," I lied. He didn't tell me his past, I didn't tell him mine. He wasn't going to know about Angeline, at least not until the meeting.

"That was no dream. You were really in pain. I have lived a long time and can tell the difference. You know back when my mate was still alive she would send me these distress calls. It was just a dull light pain, my mate wasn't strong so it was hard to hear her calls, but they let me know if she was hurting. Sometimes I could help her, other times I couldn't, but I was very happy to have an idea of when she needed me. Larka went off on her own alot, she was human and couldn't stand to be around wolves so much, I wouldn't force her to stay with me." he cut himself off. I saw him reliving old memories, his thoughts in a far away place. Chander's eyes were starting to water. "Anyway I was just thinking that maybe your mate could be calling you. She might be in trouble." he whispered and for a second what he said made sense and I almost believed him.

"I have no mate," my voice was deep in furious. I'm not sure weather I was telling him this because I wanted him to believe it or hoping that the words would make it true and make Angeline disappear.

"You may not have found her yet, but she's out there. She might even need you." Chander reassured me.

"I have no mate," I repeated. He nodded his head, understanding the bad mood I was in.

"Whatever the cause of your pain, I hope you feel better soon." he said on his way out of the room. I layed back down praying that the pain wouldn't come back.

Would I go hunting today? The answer should have been easy. I didn't need to after last night, I wouldn't need to for at least a week. The blood though was hard to resist. I had never ran into such a powerful addiction in my life. It was like if I didn't drink more human blood I would go crazy. Feeding from animal was never like this. Animal blood never tasted bad, but compared to human blood I might as well have been eating cardboard. Ever since that first drop of blood last night I had been hooked. I needed it like a baby needs its mother, like a druggie needs his heroine, like a flower needs water. I honestly didn't know if I was going to go out and hunt again today.

It was reaching sunrise now, the sun already beginning to weaken my abilities and to hurt my eyes. It wasn't very painful, but it was on the border of reaching very uncomfortable. My room mates were older, that didn't like it at all. I shut the curtains so they wouldn't wake up then I went and began to fold the blankets on my bed. I don't know why I use blankets, I can feel the cold, but my body just doesn't react to he temperatures like it should. I was surprised at how soundly my friends had been sleeping, they didn't even wake up when I screamed. Of course vampires who lived passed their hundreds usually slept more deeply.

Feeding in daylight would be difficult, but not impossible. All vampires were pretty, our skin was never blemished, our hair was always modle shiny, our eyes practically gleamed in the light no matter the color. Most of the myths ere false. We could touch crosses and holy water, we didn't sleep in coffins, are eyes wern't red, we didn't even have to be invited in somewhere to go inside, and although are teeth are marble strong we don't grow fangs. When we meet the person we love our hearts begin to beat and if we stay with them we would even age, at a slower rate of course, but it was better that permanent immortality.

I was more than capable to lure a human to go somewhere with me. Now the only question was where to go? The town square was to open, someone would notice me,most people were with there families for Christmas, and I didn't want to drink from another person off the streets. The mall? I would go to the mall. There would be alot of late Christmas shoppers. I would find some random person shopping alone, lure them into a secluded spot and then take care of them. I cringed at how awful my thoughts sounded. Could I really be that evil? I pushed that thought from my mind and started walking toward the mall.