'It's just a dance,' I reminded myself. The next breath I took was so huge that I almost started choking. Apparently even the air was against me tonight. I opened the door to an over-sized white limo and stepped inside. My best friend Emily was already in there waiting for me. I still couldn't believe her dad rented us a limo, I mean sure it was prom, but still we were only Juniors, couldn't he have waited another year? I guess when your a rich lawyer and have that kind of money to spend on your kid it isn't that big of a deal, but I still felt uncomfortable riding in something so flashy. I lived in a small, not so rich town, so in that huge thing I felt like everyone was watching me and the last thing I wanted was to be noticed.
When I was safely in the limo I took a few minutes to look Emily over. She looked stunning with her long, sleeveless, electric blue dress on. You could tell it was expensive, just by looking at it you knew that her dad either bought it out of a catalogue, or in some fancy store way outside of our towns limits. Emily had a white, silk shawl on her shoulders to keep her from getting cold, and her silver stiletto shoes had real diamonds engraved into them.
She was georgous. Her usual pale skin had a new cream color to it so she didn't look as phantom like as she did most days. Emily's hair was also in some pretty type of bun/pony tail that had curls falling down onto her next. She'd easily have been the prettiest girl at the dance. Even her brown hair didn't blend in so much with other brown colors. She had had light gold highlights put in so she would stand out.
I looked myself over and frowned. I had never been very comfortable in tuxes. They made me feel stiff and business like. Emily had convinced me though to go in one tonight. My tux was pretty traditional. A black jacket, white long sleeve t-shirt underneath, and normal black dress pants. The only thing that even stood out on me was my red tie my mother had bought for me last summer for my aunt's wedding.
Emily's dad, George, forced me to take out all my piercings for prom. My face felt bare without them. I rubbed the bottom of my lip where the two piercings on either side were supposed to be. My face hurt in all the places I had removed them. Besides my bottom lip I had my right eyebrow, my tongue, and the top of my left ear pierced. My face would defianantly be in pain the next day.
"So is this night going to be amazing or what?" Emily asked, her eyes in a far away place. She was probably imaging what the room would look like and what songs they were going to play.
Emily's mood made me even more nervous and upset about having to go in the first place. It was already killing me that I couldn't go with my boyfriend Carmichael. I understood why he wasn't coming, he didn't want to ruin both our reputations. He was graduating in less than one weeks and he didn't need any kind of distractions. Which is why we hadn't been on an actual date for about a month. I loved him and I was willing to let him do what he needed to do to graduate. Besides it's not like we didn't call each other everyday.
Even thinking about him made me alittle sad and I wanted someone, anyone, to be just as miserable as I was. That's when I decided it was time to bring Emily's mood down a notch. " 'Or what' is more like it. I can't believe you dragged me into this, you know I hate dances, " I sighed.
" Whatever Jarred, you love dancing. Remember your the one who taught me," Emily reminded me. My plan was unraveling super fast and it seemed like making her upset was impossible.
"I said I hate dances, not dancing," I corrected her, trying to provoke an argument.
"Yeah right, Lier!" for a minute I had thought that I had won, but then she stopped the argument sooner than it had began."Last year you went to all of the dances and that was before you even met Carm-" she cut herself off and let out a big sigh, "That's it, isn't it. Jarred, you know he'd take you if he could, but imagine what the kids in school would do if they found out that you guys were dating. He loves you, you know he does."
"Yeah, I know," I replied, feeling a little better after her reassurance.
"Besides, he's never gone to any of the dances with you before, what would make you think he'd take you now? You really shouldn't be so upset. He's doing this for both of your sakes." I hated how the conversation had turned so serious.
"I know Em, but this is prom. You get to go with your Josh," I spit out his name like it was a contagious disease. Josh wasn't a bad guy, he really wasn't, we just never got along. We had a good enough friendship for him to know that I was gay and not tell on me, but besides that we had never actually bonded.
"You guys aren't like me and Josh. It's Carmichael's last year here and he can't risk ruining his life," she whispered, defending him.
"So now I'm a life ruiner?" I said to myself, allowing her words to sink in.
"That's not what I meant,"Emily answered. I could see the guilt building in her Emerald green eyes, but I didn't care how bad she felt because I knew she was right.
"Isn't it? Anyway even if you didn't mean it you were right. Maybe if I wasn't such a life ruiner C.M would have came. He probably thought I would try something or he was just afraid he'd hurt my feelings if he went and danced with some of the girls." I paused to get my eyes under control, my thoughts were running wild and I was on the verge of tears. "I knew it wouldn't work out with us, Em. It's just to hard to keep this kind of thing a secret. Neither of us are going to be able to handle this much longer." I stopped talking though I knew I was right, if we didn't break up eventually one of us was going to get caught. It was foolish to even think that we could pull this off. I loved Carmichael with all my heart, but it wasn't enough.
Emily didn't say anything to me, knowing that if she tried I would most likely cry. She knew I was doing my best to control my emotions. The limo came to a stop in front of Josh's house. I heard him open the car door and slide in next to Emily.
It took me a few seconds, but I got my eyes under control and said hello to my best friends boyfriend. Josh wasn't entirely bad looking. He was my height (which compared to Carmichael is decently short), he was well dressed, and he had the same color of green eyes that Emily had. His hair was dyed black and styled similar to mine (except he didn't have red low lights). All in all he was OK, a copycat, but alright. The only real turn-off was his braces, which Em thought was cute.
My best friends face was torn between Josh and me. She appeared to be full of mixed emotions. Sympathy for me, happy that Josh was here, and excited about the dance. The two of them quickly glanced at each other and then at me at the exact same time. He already knew what was bothering me and that irritated me to death. We weren't even close friends and I hated that he could read me. He whispered "Carmichael" to Emily and she nodded in response. 'Yeah, thanks Em. Why don't you just announce it to the whole world,' I thought angrily. The rest of the car ride was silent.
When we had gotten to school, our town was to small to have prom anywhere else, we were greeted by one of the longest red carpets I had ever seen in my life. Emily's gaze met mine, begging me to let her go on ahead without me. I didn't want to be a third wheel so I nodded at her. She and Josh bounced ahead of me with almost to much enthusiasm. It made me angry sometimes just to watch the two of them. It was infuriating because I couldn't do the same with C.M, (C.M has been Carmichael's nickname since he started playing on the school basketball team his Freshman year. His name was to long for our coach to holler at him during games so he decided to shorten it.) I never understood what the big deal was with the two of us being together. Yeah we were both guys, but this is the 21st century aren't we supposed to be more accepting? Why was I born in a town with absolutely no gay tolerance?
I dreaded the whole lonly walk down the carpet. Feeling embarassed the whole time because I didn't have anybody to walk with me.
The dance was completely, undeniably the worst social event I had ever been to in my life. The reasons are as follows.
First, Carmichael wasn't there to stop me from making a complete idiot out of myself. Plus all of his cheerleader wanna-be girlfriends kept asking me where he was. I tried to tell them that he wasn't coming, but they still kept asking. Talking to them is like trying to have a conversation with a brick wall.
Second, Since I'm a junior and not a senior, it was my part of my job to help clean up the gym.
Thirdly, Emily sent away over half of our cleaning crew, so it was only me, Emily, Josh, and a few close friends that were still there. Joy, I got to clean the entire gymnasium, as if I wasn't in a bad enough mood already.