October 16, 2008
DEAR DIARY, DEAR GREGORY
(Miscellaneous Writing Prompt)
Gregory is my diary. Some people think it's abnormal that I give my diary a name but it's more like having a friend that listens to me that gives me comfort. I tell him things about me almost four times a week, two is the bare minimum. When I get scared, I tell Gregory what's bothering me. When I want to cry, I just having Gregory next to me is enough comfort to get me through the night. He's the best friend that I could ever ask for. Whether he's a person or not does not matter as long as I have Gregory close to me. I brought him to school one day. Some bullies found him and tore him apart. They said that a person my age shouldn't be keeping a diary. I was in shock. I never wanted Gregory to be found ever again. Since then, I've kept him hidden underneath my pillow. He keeps waiting for me to come back to him.
"Hey Gregory, we move tomorrow. I'm so excited. You know how things are at school. I don't need to get into detail into anything. All I am is picked on and tormented. I have no friends, just classmates that see right through me. No one understands me. I hate my life. I hate this place. I want to run away and never look back. I know I say this to you a lot but…you really do help me out more than you know. I love you Gregory."
It's been two days since my last entry to Gregory. I've moved to a different town with people that look much friendlier than my old classmates did. When we first moved our neighbors came over for a house warming party. I haven't smiled or laughed that much in so long. It felt good, really good. I also met Matthew, he's my new neighbor. We're going to the same school. I can't wait.
"Gregory, I have great news. I made a friend today, a real friend. One that I can talk to and he won't look down on me or make fun of me. We've only been here a day and already I'm in love with this place. His name is Matthew and he's got light sandy hair and the cutest green eyes I've ever seen. They're contacts. He hates the fact that he has plain brown eyes. I can feel my face getting hot. I can't believe I'm blushing just talking about him with you. But…I don't think that he could ever replace you. I need you more than I need anyone. I'll always keep you close Gregory."
Matthew came over to my house today. School doesn't start until next week so we've been hanging out almost everyday. He helps my parents with putting away boxes and furniture. He's really strong for his size. We decided to watch one of my older movies, one that he sort of remembered. The last time that Matthew watched it was when he was really little. I laughed and told him how great of a movie it is. We were watching it in my room when he shifted his elbow on my pillow and found my diary. He held it up, just out of my reach and asked, "What's this?"
"Give it back!" I lunged for my diary but Matthew kept it out of my reach.
"Tell me what it is and I maaaybe…"he gave me a sly smirk. I couldn't take it anymore. I had so many flashbacks of when the bullies got a hold of Gregory that I panicked and crawled on top of Matthew, pinning his arms down. I was fighting with a memory of what I wanted to do to the bullies.
"Don't you ever touch Gregory! He's not yours! Give him back to me!"
"What? Who? What are you talking about? Who's Gregory?" I came out of my trance and looked down at his expression. He was confused and I was on top of him holding his arms down, my diary fell under my bed while I was screaming. I slowly got off of Matthew and sat on the edge of my bed, gasping for breath. He put his arm around my shoulder and sat next to me.
"Are you okay? I'm sorry. I won't touch your stuff ever again if it makes you happy." I shook my head. I covered my face with my hands, still remembering that horrid day that I brought my diary to school. The bullies' faces kept taunting me and all I could do is hold my head. "What's wrong? Tell me."
"Their faces…I hate their faces…they took Gregory from me and ripped out his pages. I can't get their faces out of my mind…" I picked up my head and looked Matthew in the eyes. His were filled with sorrow and compassion. Matthew knew nothing of my past life. He had only known me for almost a week at best.
"Is Gregory your diary?" I nodded slightly. Matthew pulled me into a hug and I rested my head on his shoulder. "I won't hurt you, you know that." I sniffed into his shirt and felt so at peace in his arms. It was like Gregory was a human, but this was Matthew.
"Matthew, can we stay like this for a little longer, please?" My voice has a little raspy but he whispered a yes into my ear. He gently rocked me back and forth until all those horrid memories went away, far away. Something inside of me felt insecure. I loved Gregory, but I was starting to develop feelings for Matthew as well. My head and my heart where spinning at equally dizzying paces. I leaned a bit to much into Matthew's shoulder and he fell backwards on the bed, still holding me in his arms. I scrambled to get up.
"Matthew, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" He looked at me with seriousness in his eyes. I couldn't read them. Is he angry? He sat up and took my cheek with his hand and brought his lips closer to mine. Just before they touched I pushed him back into my pillow. I turned to face away from him and I felt his arms wrap around my waist.
"I'm sorry. I won't try anything like that again. I just…I don't know what came over me." I bowed my head, not willing to look him directly in the face.
"Go." I couldn't take this. He almost kissed me…
"What?" Matthew's voice grew desperate and he pulled me closer to his body. I tried to get out of his grip.
"Go home Matthew." I pulled harder on his arm. He wouldn't let go.
"Please, I'm sorry. I won't try anything like that again. I just want you to be happy." I picked my head up slightly, looking at my knees. I looked down at my stomach, observing Matthew's arms round me. This feeling that he gave me, this security, I was scared of it. I had only ever received this kind of feeling from Gregory. Maybe it was time that I let go. A few minutes passed while we sat in the darkness of my room. The movie credits had already finished.
"Matthew?" He loosened his grip. I leaned back into him, pulling his arms around my chest. "Please stay here." I rested my head back on his shoulder and his eyes shone with happiness. I shifted to look Matthew better in the face. He wanted to kiss me, I could feel it. I wanted to kiss him back. I leaned my face closer to his and he did the same to me. Our lips brushed, and all the sadness in my heart melted away. Maybe, just maybe, I could find my new Gregory in Matthew.
It's been almost three weeks since I even thought about Gregory. Life has been getting better for me ever since Matthew kissed me. We've been seeing more of each other. Not just as friends, but as a couple. He's been introducing me to all kinds of new people from our school. He's really popular. All the new friends have I've made have been so kind to me. One day, I was cleaning my room when I found Gregory under my bed. As I was rereading some of my entries, I found a pencil and thought this was the last time that I would speak to Gregory.
"Hey Gregory, I've been doing great. Matthew and I have never been closer. I'm sorry that I haven't been talking to you lately. School is going so much better now that I have friends. My grades have sky rocketed because everyone is willing to help me with my homework." I stared at the page in front of me, unsure of what to write down. "Gregory, thank you for being there for me all these years. Thank you for being my friend when I was alone. You were the only thing that kept me going even though I had no friends. I'll always keep you somewhere safe, where I'll always be able to find you."
I always have kept Gregory close to me. He always stayed right beside my bedside, silently watching over me from my bookcase, his bindings standing out from the rest of all my thick paperback novels. Matthew asked if he could read it one day, forgetting that it was my old diary. I was unsure at first but I told him that he could read it only when he's in my room. I would never let Gregory be taken away from this safe place anymore.
Matthew once asked me, "Who was Gregory?"
"Gregory was someone that I could be with even when he was never real. I made him up just so I could get through the days. I didn't have any friends back at my old house, I was alone. He listened to all that I had to say." Matthew gave me a weak smile but I felt so at peace telling him. Gregory was an old love of mine and now my new love knew everything about Gregory and my past. He just sat on my bed with me, silently reading. I sat next to him and looked over his shoulder, remembering everything that I had gone through. I wrapped my arms around Matthew's waist and waited for him to say something.
"I…had no idea…" I smile at his back.
"But now, my life is so much happier. I have you, I have friends." Matthew turned around and looked into my eyes. All I could so is smile happily at him, feeling at peace with the world. He opened his mouth to speak but I brought my lips to his and silenced him. I wrapped my arms around his neck as Gregory fell to the floor. This is my life now, happy, filled with smiles, filled with a love that I can hold.