(A/N: Hi!! I'm back again, this is the sequel to 'Dear Tragedy'-if you haven't read it I suggest you do otherwise you probably won't understand what the hell is going on in this story haha. Remember to make my day and review thanks! :) )

Chapter 1- I Think I'll be Okay


"Hey everyone. This is Stevens Untitled Rockshow. We have some great videos lined up today and stopping by the studio to chat about their new album and upcoming tour are Liv and Jayme from Dark Angel-" I shut the TV off, and tossed the remote on my leather couch with a sigh.

"God! If I hear one more damn thing about their fucking band I'm going to throw my damn TV off my balcony!" I muttered aloud to no one in particular. My smoky gray longhaired cat Jack Sparrow meowed in response to my outburst. I picked him up, nuzzling his little nose with mine. "Did I scare you, Jack? I'm sorry. I would never throw you off my balcony my sweet little thing," I cooed to him. Jack purred in response, trying playfully to swat at my nose. I laid him back down on my couch and glanced at the clock. I had 10 minutes before I had to leave for my job that weekend, so I killed it by making a quick phone call to Emily.

I suppose you're wondering how I ended up where I am and what has been going on in the past four years of my now pretty stable and normal life. I did go out to California after I left New York and stayed with Emily for about 6 months before I did some internet searching and found a nice condo in Seattle. I was subletting my apartment back in New York to a nice young man who was going to Parson's School of Design so that was where part of my current income was coming from. Coming from New York to the Pacific Northwest was a pretty drastic change for me. The streets were quieter for one, and the people were much more friendly. I walked away from my life at the firm and my life in New York, finally. I called up Mr. Phillips after I left and basically explained to him what I was feeling at that point (I left out what had been happening for the past 7 months or so between Jayme and I), and surprisingly enough he was alright with it. He was a little upset that I just up and left, but what could he really do at that point? He wished me the best of luck, as there were no hard feelings between us (plus I got to keep my pretty black Lexus that was considered a 'company' car-a nice parting gift from my now former boss).

What happened to Dark Angel? Well, you can only pretty much guess. After I left, and they got picked up by Epitaph Records in the following months-it just blew up from there. They became famous overnight pretty much. Two albums and a worldwide tour later, they were complete rock stars now. I caught on TV them a number of times-award show appearances, album advertisements, numerous late night show guest spots. Honestly, I was happy for them-but at the same time I was glad to have left that all behind. I don't think I really would have been able to handle it. There was one thing that bothered me at least a little bit every day though.

I hadn't physically seen or spoken to Jayme in four years. I'd be completely lying if I said that I didn't think about him at least a little bit. Wondering about what could have been, if I had stayed. But, I've seen and apparently read firsthand all the pretty models and girl members of other rock bands that he's dated-so good for him I guess. I was happy and content with my life right now. I got out of the big time music industry and was now just a simple photographer for a local music magazine. Of course, I'm sure part of the reason why I got the job was because of my experience and that I did know of the bigger and more popular bands. The magazine had tried on more than one occasion to get me to pull some strings over at the record labels and book at least one big band for me to photograph and do some sort of piece on, but I had always refused. I had my reasons obviously.

"Hey Em, how's it going?" I asked when she picked up. Emily was the only person from my so called 'old' life that I even still kept in contact with. I liked it that way, and she knew that. She also respected my privacy and did not tell anyone that were mutual friends of ours that she still spoke with me. She yawned.

"Pretty tired actually. Just got done with doing a sound check before we hit the stage tonight." Action Design had experienced moderate success, and they liked it that way. I always figured they were really never destined for superstardom anyway. When Warped Tour came around, they were always picked up for the California, Pacific Northwest leg of it. I nodded, picking up an apple from my kitchen counter out of my fruit basket. "What are you up to?" she asked me.

"Nothing really, just going to do some shots of this guy/girl techno duo that are local for an upcoming piece," I answered, taking a bite of the apple.

"That's cool. Will you be out of town this weekend then?" she asked. I grabbed a bottle of juice from my fridge, and took a quick swig before replacing the cap on it.

"Probably not, just for today I'll be out of town. It shouldn't take more than a couple of hours. Why, you guys coming up here?" I asked, with a hint of hopefulness in my voice. I loved it when Emily and her band came up to visit. Our friendship became much closer the last few years because I had moved nearer to where she was. When they had some down time or were touring in the area, she always visited me.

"I think we hit Seattle tomorrow. You want to check out our set, maybe hang out with some old friends for a little while?" I smiled, and immediately agreed. The job I had now wasn't so demanding anymore, in fact it was hardly demanding at all. It was mostly freelance, so I could pretty much decide if I wanted to do a piece or not at will.

"Hey, as long as Dark Angel isn't there and maybe I could take some shots of you guys for a possible story if you want-definitely count me in." Emily made arrangements for me of where to meet them tomorrow and to check with security that I had the proper credentials and all that. She assured me that the band would definitely not be there. "Alright, Em. Well, I should really be going but I'll see you tomorrow afternoon okay? Later." I hung up with her, grabbed the bottle of juice from earlier for the drive as well as my car keys and headed out the door.

As I drove towards the city limits, I phoned my editor at the magazine to make sure it was alright that I took some shots of The Action Design and do a special 'warped tour' piece on them. She immediately agreed, pretty ecstatic that I was venturing into 'popular band' territory. I emphasized that this was a one time thing, and that it wouldn't be a common occurrence for the magazine. I could tell she was disappointed a little, but I reiterated my reasons why I wouldn't go that route.

"Allison, why don't you ask Selene to do it? She would kill to do a piece with some awesome rock band-you know that," I asked her. Selene was a colleague of mine that I was really good friends with for the better part of three years. I had met her through working at the magazine, and she was always asking about my time in New York working at the firm. She was insanely jealous of the bands that I had met, worked with, and befriended-constantly ribbing me about it. My editor, Allison laughed.

"Hal, Selene didn't work for the best Public Relations firm in New York-you did. Nevertheless, I won't pressure you to do anything-you know I'm not like that. Just have the 'Warped' piece and the one on Default ready for the end of next week, alright? Have a great time tomorrow and if anything goes haywire, just call me on my cell." I assured her I would and hung up. Default was the techno brother/sister duo I was on my way to see. They had gained some notoriety by playing local clubs around the city, and I had worked with them once before. They were very nice and extremely easygoing.

Summer was just on its way out, and the leaves just beginning to turn. Autumn was my favorite season out of the year-this was to be my third Autumn in Seattle. The Pacific Northwest was extremely beautiful around this time of year, and I inhaled the crisp, clean air when I parked my car just outside Cedarwood Park. Default and I arranged for a small and simple photo shoot in the park, around the trees and by the local reservoir. I got the interview about their debut album coming out and took an entire roll of film of them in various places in the park. A few hours later, and everything was done. I told the two the magazine would be in touch with them and I would email them the copies of the photos in the next two days so they could pick out which ones they wanted to appear in the magazine later on that month. The sun was just setting and I decided to give Selene a call to see what she was doing later on that night.

Selene was the music critic of the magazine. She got to listen to the latest CDs and research the latest tours. We were relatively good friends, but she had literally become obsessed with Dark Angel. It was almost pathetic, she was reduced to nearly being a groupie of theirs. She was so convinced they were the 'next big thing' and was constantly trying to get me to book some time for her with them. Of course I refused every time. That part of my life was over, and I wanted it to stay that way. She just didn't get it though. Selene lived in Redmond, which was just outside of Seattle. Her town was quaint as there were little shops lined up down the main street, but tonight I wanted to have a few glasses of wine and maybe do a little karaoke. Yes, thanks to Jayme's drunken phone call all those years before-I got up the courage to do some karaoke one night right after I moved to Seattle and have been doing it one night a week religiously since. I wasn't expecting to get picked up by a label or anything, I had no aspiration to become a singer-it was just a fun hobby that I enjoyed.

"Hola Chica! What's good?" Selene asked cheerily when she answered my phone call. I pulled out my lighter from my leather jacket and my slightly crushed pack of cigarettes, removing one from the pack and lighting it. Yes, this was another little nasty habit that I had picked up since moving out here. I could now understand why Jayme smoked, it did seem to calm my jittery nerves.

"Not too much Selene, just finished up doing some photo work on Default for that piece due later in the month. You heard the CD yet?" I asked, exhaling the smoke from my lungs.

"Nope, but I bet it'll be sitting on my desk Monday morning, knowing our ever punctual street team." I had to laugh at this remark. The magazine had a local street team that were constantly researching the new groups that were always popping up around the local circuit. Unfortunately, sometimes the results of said research came a few days later, and it irked us to no end seeing as how we were dealing with deadlines constantly for every months new issue. "You done for the day?" she asked. I took another drag off my cigarette.

"Yeah, I am. You up for some drinks and maybe karaoke in a little while?" I asked.

"I always am, you know that Hal," she answered. Everyone around here either called me Hayley or Hal. In the four years that I had been here, not one of the people that I had met had called me Hales. Emily was the only person that I felt still in my eyes had the proper right to call me that. I didn't mind, it was almost like I had a completely new identity here. Nobody was judgmental in the least about where I had come from and they didn't pry into my private life or my past because it was something that I had difficulty talking about. "You want to come by the apartment? I was just doing a little cleaning up and maybe some redecorating. I could use some help and another opinion," Selene offered. I crushed the end of my cigarette under my boot and smiled.

"Sure I'll come by." I answered. I hung up, got into my car and headed over to Avignon apartments where she lived.

I loved Selene's apartment. It was a little more upscale then mine and the community club house had a huge in ground pool. When I knocked on her door, she opened it in her sweats and her shoulder length light brown hair a tangled mess. Music from one of the local bands in the area was streaming out of her CD player, and when I peered inside-her entire living room was in the process of being rearranged.

"Hey Hal. Excuse the mess, obviously," she said, letting me in. I took off my jacket and slung it over the couch, rolling up the sleeves on my shirt. I gave her a warm smile.

"It's okay Selene. So, what do you need help with first?" I asked. She looked around at the mess in a bit of bewilderment. She then looked back at me and laughed.

"Honestly, I don't know where to start. I just started moving things around and now I don't know where I want anything. I guess the couch can go over to this wall here," she started, grabbing one end of the couch while I grabbed the other.

"Shit Selene, this is heavy!" I groaned as we scooted the couch over to the opposite wall. She wiped her dirty hands on her sweats.

"I know, but what can I say? I love my couch to death and I don't want to get rid of it anytime soon," she answered. I laughed. We then spent the next two hours moving the rest of the items and furniture around her apartment. When we finished, we both collapsed on her upholstered couch. "God, I'm tired!" Selene exclaimed "But it looks a lot better than it did before." I nodded, getting back up and going towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from her fridge.

"How about we unwind and have some wine and do some singing, huh?" I asked with a grin. She happily agreed, heading into the shower to get ready.

Selene and I frequented the local wine bar in Redmond called Jerzy's Wine Bar. It was a far cry from the crummy, dimly lit clubs that I remembered from my days in New York. The place was brightly lit, with lots of twisted iron accents and decorated in rich reds, oranges, and gold tones. Paper white Chinese lanterns dangled from the high ceilings and candles were scattered across the whole bar. In the next room, they did have a little area for singing karaoke, complete with a bar stool, mic stand, and mini television monitor to read lyrics off of. We were regulars in this bar and everyone knew us, they were very welcoming and friendly as well.

"There's my two favorite girls! I thought you two wouldn't show up tonight!" The bartender, Will said when we arrived. I completely adored Will-he was loud, and very animated. We would always end up in stitches over the many stories he had to tell. Selene and I took a seat at the bar and ordered two glasses of wine-Chardonnay for her and Blackberry Merlot for myself. "You singing tonight, Hayley?" Will asked. I sipped my glass and nodded.

"Of course. How long I been doing this now, and I haven't missed a night?" He chuckled, dumping a bucket of ice into the sink below the marbled counter top of the bar.

"I think you have your own little fan base built up," he said with a grin. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"Please! It's just a silly little hobby," I quipped, getting up to pick a song from the rather large three ring binder that sat on the karaoke stool. I brought the heavy book back to the bar and began to sift through it.

"So, what are you singing tonight?" Selene asked, peering over my shoulder at the various selections of songs. I stopped on a particular page and started at the time. It was a band that I hadn't heard in a very long time. Jayme had introduced me to them the night I confessed to him I was quitting the firm. I pointed to the song, and immediately closed the binder.

"That one," I told Selene. She saw which one I had picked and followed me into the next room, our glasses of wine in tow.

"You've been thinking about him lately, haven't you?" she asked, her voice dropping so I could only hear it. I hadn't told her much about what had happened between Jayme and myself, just that it didn't work out. Yes, it had been four years and I had dated people. But none of them really interested me, and plus they stopped calling me for no reason at all. None of the guys I saw had really stuck with me, and I became disinterested after only a few months. I hadn't been in a real relationship..well, probably since I was in New York. And I hardly qualify Jayme as a 'relationship'.

I sipped my wine, and took the mic off its stand. I hit the selection from the menu, waiting for the guitar to kick in. When it did, I just closed my eyes and only focused on the song. Memories flooded back to me, like they did every time I sang about a song that related to my past. I was no longer in Jerzy's Wine Bar, no longer in Redmond, no longer in Seattle.

I was back in New York, back in the studio at Bowery. I was back at Maxwell's, and The Basement, and Dark Angel's hotel suite. I was back in my apartment, in their old apartment. I was back in Jayme's room, in his arms.

I sang and my voice meant every word:

You keep saying you've had enough
and I know just how you feel
You keep it all inside and its nipping at your heels

It's eating you alive
I can see it in your stare
I'd sit with you all night if I thought you'd even care

I've lost track of who I was some time ago
I thought I figured out which way to go
now I hate to say that the only thing that keeping me alive is you
the only thing that's keeping me alive
but I can't say your name
I think I'll be okay

I've had it up to here
with your morbid ways
your happy being sad and you prove it every day

I've lost track of who I was some time ago
I thought I figured out which way to go
but now I hate to say the only thing that's keeping me alive is you
the only thing that's keeping me alive
and I can't say your name
I think I'll be okay

You don't want to see the less the polite side of me
just say your prayers and close your mouth start curbing what comes out
and find another way to feel important that can't be drank or snorted
don't call me up to say hello cause I don't want you around when I get home

but now I hate to say the only thing that's keeping me alive is you
the only thing that's keeping me alive
but I can't say your name
I think I'll be okay

(A/N #2- So what do you think? Like it so far? Push the little blue button on the bottom of the page and let me know! Thanks :) )