My dearest parents,
After all of these eleven years together, I have decided to move on. My time with you has been absolutely excellent; however, I feel as though my growth as a family member has been hindered when I reside with you. I would like to thank you for the wonderful times that we have shared together, and I hope that you will continue with these wonderful times long after I am gone.
There are a few issues that I would like to address for the benefit of your future children. I have experienced some dreadful things at the hands of my siblings, and each letter of complaint I sent to you was discounted without a thought. I feel as though, in order to maintain an inclusive and harmonious family, something must be done about this. One of my siblings, a young man who I will not mention by name, who had been with the family for many years before I took my position here, seemed to take great pleasure in mixing up the papers in my work place. Not only do these actions greatly reduce the productivity of the family, but they pit family members against each other.
Another dreadful occurrence I must raise to your attention is the death of the family pet, Chester. I understand that I am not a contributor to the financial department of our family, but I feel as though putting the family pet to sleep in order to save four hundred dollars in surgery money on our poor, invalid dog, is cruel and unfair. I believe that when more situations such as this one arise, a vote amongst the family would be a much better plan.
And so, in conclusion, I must announce my resignation from the family, effective immediately. I do hope that you will understand. You may reach me at the tree house in the backyard.