so i was wrong.
i meant a lot to you then,
but things are done now.
you moved away, and moved on,
leaving me here to miss you.
i'm going to move on though, i swear it.
i've let my heart break too many times over you
and i think i need to get away.
don't blame yourself. i wanted to,
that would have been so much easier,
to just say, "it was all her fault";
but you did nothing wrong.
i built you up as this, amazing,
unattainable, nearly God-like entity
that i was always just on the verge of attaining.
but at the same time, i really didn't.
i've just accepted all your flaws, and embraced you.
it was never a moment of, "she's perfect."
i just loved you despite it all.
and every time you said
you didn't understand why i still liked you
"i'm not that big of a deal," those were your words;
all i could hear from you was "you're not that big of a deal",
and that's why you'd managed to move on
when i hadn't.
oh, and the words i said to you…
you always manage to find someone better for you that me,
but i still haven't found anyone better for me than you.
i almost wish you'd read them, so you could see
how much this is killing me.
but i'm not mad at you, i swear.
i understand that it was just a relationship to you;
it wasn't THE relationship, the way it was to me.
but darling, you tell me you can find another girl who makes your heart skip like i do,
and you let me know the next time you meet someone for the first time and talk for twelve hours straight
and don't you forget to tell me if it never happens either,
because sometimes i wonder if i'll ever find someone who just made me feel as right as you do,
and i guess some part of me will always hope you feel the same.
AN: this is the last thing i'll ever let myself write about you.