You got much closer

Than I thought you did,

I'm in your reach.

So could you find it in your heart?

To make this go away,

And let me rest in pieces?


On My Own

"Jadence Ezbella!" Suddenly my dark haven was immersed in the blinding Texas morning sunlight; I winced at the brightness, not daring to open my eyes. "Get up now! You're gonna be late, you stupid girl!"

Why thanks mom, love you too.

Not like I didn't know what time it was, I had silenced my alarm clock about forty minutes ago, when the clock read 7:08, school starts at 8:45. I was screwed anyways, besides it's not like I really wanted to go. I'd rather not see Vicky's fucking satisfied face, and save myself the trouble.

I peeked cautiously through my sheets, and smiled sheepishly at mother who was standing inside of my doorway giving me the stink eye, damn Italian woman.

"Sorry ma." my voice was husky from lack of usage. I had been cooped up inside of my room for almost, consequently; three days. The only times I ventured out of my small room, was to eat twice when my mother forced me, and to use the restroom. I'm really rather pathetic actually, oh well.

Her grey eyes softened, and she told me softly to just get out of bed and she would take me to school, she said she'd even sign me a slip. I smiled brightly, the first smile I think I've cracked in three days.

I loved the short little woman that was in front of me, even her wild Italian anger problems.

She moved toward me slowly, sitting her small five foot frame on my bed.

"Don't worry about him, love. " She said softly, grabbing my chin and forcing my eyes to meet hers, the green eyes that looked back at me showed concern and sadness. I was stupid making my mom worry over a stupid boy. No matter if I loved him or not, I wasn't letting this stupid situation affect my mom.

"Momma, I'm okay." I said softly, conjuring up another smile, and kissing her on the cheek. "Now shoo! I need to get dressed."

She laughed loudly, another thing besides her height and eyes that I inherited from her, the Estela family all had very, very loud boisterous laughs that attracted attention. Among the other things that kept my family in the lime light, joy.

"Okay, I love you." She kissed my cheek softly and made her way to the door before pausing, and turning back to me with the wicked smirk that I had inherited. "Oh I bought you something by the way; it's in the kitchen, on the counter. That stupid boy will not make my daughter look stupid, ugh!"

I laughed quietly, shaking my head at my mom's craziness, loving it none the less.

I quickly scoped out a long blue striped tank top and shrugged it on with some tight pants, grabbing my black hoodie and my black slip on shoes; I rushed into the bathroom quickly brushing my curly mess of …

I guess that's my hair.

I put some bobby pins in here and there, bringing my waist length mass into a curly, mess of a bun. Satisfied that I looked decent I grabbed all of my stuff and headed down stairs.

"Love you ma!" I screeched, grabbing my sunglasses and keys on the front table. Hearing a loud 'love you too', I closed the door and rushed inside my car ready to face my school.

Someone please gag me.


"Jade, are you listening to me?" A feminine voice whispered shrilly by my ear, I turned to face my best friend and shrugged guiltily. Rayne Zoughi, my utterly beautiful, but most definitely gay best friend. The boy in front of me gave me a scowl from his usually warm brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, love." I said in a rather pathetic voice. I was pouting slightly and I knew it, but I couldn't help it. Today will go down in history as the worst day ever, and if I made it through the day without putting Vicky's head through a wall then I was doing good. "Other things are just floating around in my head."

Like stupid bitches that needed to be killed.

"Oh yeah, I heard about Josh. I'm sorry baby.' Rayne cooed lovingly, for a gay man he really was good at coming off as straight. Explains why half the female, let's not forget about the men either, swoon after this boy. His warm honey eyes, shaggy dark hair, and amazing body were helping factors as well.

"You could do better anyways." He hugged me tightly, looking down at me his eyebrows raised, a smirk on his face. He kissed my cheek, a ruffled my hair. "No loss, sugar."

I smiled brightly and hugged him, "If we're not married..."

Rayne laughed lightly, his face in the crook of neck, tickling me slightly" I know we're getting married at forty." He pushed me back slightly, and poked me on the nose playfully. "I'm more handsome than Josh Jenhikins, anyways."

"That you are my man!" Gypsy Noelin said cheerily, plopping down in the seat next to me. She put her thin arm around my neck, and pulled our cheeks together, tenderly. "Want me to beat his ass, Jade?"

I smiled at that, Gypsy Noelin was my other best friend. The three of us had been friends since we were in diapers. Our mothers were all best friends, so we, along with all of our siblings, were raised together. In this shit town in Texas, yeah I know fantastic right? I loved my friends, but this town was getting old.

Gypsy was waving her hand in front of my face, her bright blue eyes where squinted in concentration, and she had me wondering what the hell she was doing.

"Gyps?" I said hesitantly, her eyes looked clouded and wondered if she was trying to read my mind or something. I wouldn't put it past the blonde girl in front of me.

"Oh sorry, I was just thinking." She said almost in an absent was, I saw her eyes were now looking at something behind me, I turned and looked past Rayne to see Josh with Vicky in his lap.

Funny I hadn't seen my ex all day, leave it up to the cruel fates to let me see him with his hooker over his lap while I'm trying to eat. Go figure.

I turned back around quickly, and plastered a smile on my face, gypsy smiles an unsure smile back, and Rayne was reading his book as usual. I'd be surprised if he even knew what was going on.

"So how're you?" She said seriously, scooting her chair closer to mine, I felt her bare legs touching my jean clad ones, and her hands grasped mine. I was always a touchy feely kind of person, like as strange as it sounds, when I get close to someone I like to touch them. Get your minds out of dirty places, not that kind of touching, but like cuddling or just holding hands. I was a very free loving person, I guess.

So when Gypsy rubbed my hand in a reassuring manner I smiled happily, I loved how the people I cared about blocked me from thinking about Josh.

"I'm Okay, I guess." At her hard stare I sighed in exasperation. "What the hell am I suppose to say?!"

"You were with him for two years, Jadence!" She whispered harshly, her blue eyes going hard. She grabbed at her blue necklace around her neck, the one Rayne and I gave her for her sixteenth birthday. It had become her sort of stress reliever; she's grabbed it all the time. "Say anything! Goddamn"

"Say something, jade. Don't just sit there acting like your okay. It's not healthy hun" Came the deep serious voice of Rayne; I turned to my other side and saw his warm honey eyes filled with concern. What was I to do? If I showed them I was hurt it hurt the people I loved, but if I kept it all inside the same thing would happen.

Melodrama shit sucks.

"Okay then." I started out sparing a painful glance at Josh, with Vicky they were laughing at something. Had he completely forgotten about me? I looked back at my friends' worried face. "I'm not okay. Is that what you want me to say? That I've been wallowing in my room for three days crying and not wanting to wake up? That I want to beat that bitch until she won't even be able to think about having sex, least of all seduce my boyfriend, for not the first, but the second time?"

I paused briefly and looked at their shocked faces, then said a little quieter. More broken, "Or how this hurts so much? How I want to just move away and not face anybody. Is that the anything that ya'll want me to say?"

We sat there in an uncomfortable silence, when all of the sudden Rayne broke out in a grin, bending down slightly to kiss me on the nose. "God, if I was straight I'd so fuck you right now."

My face dropped and I felt a smile break out onto my face, Gypsy was already was ahead of laughing with no abandon. People where staring at our table, which was normal, but I briefly caught sight of a familiar pair of green eyes. D.C. smiled sweetly at me from across five tables, I smiled back. I turned to face my friends, and started laughing again when gypsy rasped out a, "You're a sick fuck, Zoughi."

He smirked cockily, "You know you want my big, fat, coc..."

I thought gypsy's eyes where gonna pop out of her head but she just laughed, plopping a grape in her mouth, " ha ha pretty boy, more like short, fast, and to the point."

I laughed. "Whoa now, no dirty talk while I'm eating"

Gypsy threw a chip at me, but she was smiling, Rayne just snorted and picked up his book again. I could feel the stare of eyes on my back, and I knew it was Josh.

I didn't turn around, just waited until the bell rang for the end of lunch.


The hallways were filled with students after the lunch bell rang, I had already said my goodbyes to Rayne and Gypsy, and now I was pushing past people to get to my last class of the day. One of the perks of being a senior; Getting out of school at two o' clock.

I walked into the room, and straight into the chest of…I looked up and got caught by two dark blue eyes, and I cringed. Fucking great.

I tried going around him but Josh just smirked and put his arm out blocking the way into the classroom.

"Move, Josh." I rasped out, staring him straight in the eyes. My face was hard, but I almost flinched when I saw sadness in his eyes.

"You gonna make me, Squirt?" He laughed easily, using his old nickname (that I hated) for me; I felt all the pity I had for him drained for me. I pushed his arm out of my way, and forced my way inside the classroom, ignoring the way everyone was staring at us.

"I guess I just did." I said haughtily, smirking at the dark headed boy. I sat in the back corner of the room, so I wouldn't have to worry about sitting anywhere near Josh, sitting my books down I sighed tiredly.

All I wanted was to go home, find my paints, and repaint my whole room until I fell asleep. Sound odd, huh? I always paint when I feel like shit, or just simply want to forget about everything. I smiled thinking about what I wanted to paint when I get home, when someone slammed their books down on the desk in front of me. I jumped slightly and looked up just in time to see the pissed off look on D.C.'s face before he turned around to take his seat.

Huh, wonder what's got the hot head all pissed off now?

Deciding that I would find out, I tapped the boy on the shoulder, he went stiff for a minute before turning around with an angry look on his face. Although I noticed his eyes softened when he noticed it was me.

Man I loved those eyes of his. Shaking myself out of my embarrassing thoughts I smiled softly at the red head in front of me. Anybody else would probably be scared being right under the nose of Sanders when he is in one of his infamous rage moods, but not me. D.C. and I had an understanding.

I wasn't scared of him, nor did I think that he was some kind of god come back to life, and he respected that.

"What's wrong with you, Red?" I whispered softly, smiling at him when he narrowed his eyes at me, I touched his shoulder, and it seemed like he relaxed slightly.

"Nothing important, baby jade." He said rather loudly, laughing while he poked me playfully. He shrugged it off carelessly, his smirk was slightly off though, and he did just storm in the classroom like a bat out of hell.

I snorted, rather ladylike, "Right, okay. Whatever you say."

"I heard about Kyle." His smile slightly fell from his face.

"Yeah, I don't want to talk about it." My eyes drifted to said boy in the other corner of the class, D.C looked towards him to, but he just shook his head giving me one last smile and turned around when the teacher stepped inside the classroom.

The thing that I couldn't stop thinking about was why Josh couldn't quit staring at me…

And hating myself for looking back at him.


A/U: So? Good or bad? Please review, I also need a beta if anyones interested please let me know!!! review!!!