The lyrics are from Snow Patrol's "Lifeboats". They have been inspiring me today lately.


Lifeboats

"Um…Christie?" I say slowly. I hunch my shoulders forward in an embarrassed way when I hear you sigh.

You know what's coming.

Hold on, hold on,
let me get the words out
before I burst.

"Um…" I stare at the pavement before me. Here we are, finally alone, sitting on the edge of the curb. This is what I wanted, wasn't it? I needed it to be just us, or else I would have been too afraid.

"L-Look, I…" My voice starts to fail me. I close my eyes.

God dammit.

There's no truth at all,
poking out the child eyes
of ancient gods.

I let out a huge sigh. I refuse to look at you as the November air chills me through and through. I wrap my arms around me, suddenly cold and afraid.

My mind races.

What if…?

No.

No I can't think like that.

"Christina…" I say your full name and I can feel you tense beside me. God, you're so close and I think I'm about to explode.

My throat closes up with dread as I use all of my courage too look at you.

Your eyes meet mine.

Cool heads have failed,
and now it's time for me
to have my turn.

I open my mouth but my voice has become lost in those beautiful eyes. I close it, feeling stupid, but my eyes refuse to look away.

"There's something…" My voice whispers without my consent.

I vaguely wonder that, when you look in the mirror, if you see how gorgeous you are.

Your dark hair falls in tiny clumps around your face, framing something that God had to have planned out beforehand. Your cheeks are slightly pink from the cold and your lips are venomously red, like the poison apple.

I take your face in my cold hands unexpectedly. You flinch, either from the cold or the contact, and I lean in.

I claim the poison and close my eyes.

Kiss me, kiss me,
life is way too short
to scream and shout.

You remain still, shell-shocked, but I press harder against you. I pull you deeper and hold your face so close to mine I can almost hear you swallow.

I move my lips against yours, wanting to taste so much more than this, and I breathe in deeply through my nose. It doesn't help; in fact the cold air makes my chest burn uncomfortably.

It almost feels like I'm in Hell.

But as I finally feel you press your lips against mine, I suddenly don't care.

Flashed up in my wildest dreams,
the dark red blood streams
stretching out like crossed red lights.

The veins of you, the veins of me,
like great forest trees
fishing through and on away

I fist my hand in your hair.

I love you.

I want you.

Don't leave.

The phrases, so cliché and overused, dance inside my head until they are the only things I know. I can feel your small hand press against my shoulder and you curl your fingers around the fabric desperately.

Despite my aching chest, I pull away and allow you to take a shuddering breath.

Our eyes open and meet.

Land like a satellite
in the broken night
then I'll wake you there and say

"Christie…" I whisper.

Love is light while outside
and hide set against the sky,
it seems the balance always own.

Your breath comes in gasps and I can feel the heat rushing to my face as I realize what I had just done. I blink, unable to do anything else, and my chest constricts.

Sing out, sing out.
The silence only eats us
from the inside up.

"I…" My voice is soft and hot as it escapes from my throat. "I'm so sorry…"

Don't leave.

I meant no harm,
but I only get to sing
these words to late

I immediately shove myself three feet away from you and bury my head in my hands. I shut my eyes tightly and feel my world crash down around me.

What did I do that for?
I was simply going to say, "I like you", not kiss her!

God dammit.

God damn me.

I can feel the poison burn through the folds of my throat and turn my insides black.

There's no escaping it.

Wake up wake up
Dreaming only leads
to more nightmares

My heart cries out as I hear you stand up on your feet. Don't leave, don't leave. But my body melts unconsciously as I feel your arms wrap themselves around my shoulders.

You lean in and lay your head against my shoulder.

You breathe against my neck.

I could die from the heat.

Snap out of it
your sitting in a way that showed
you really care

I turn my head to look at you.

You return my gaze.

You're not smiling, you're not laughing.

You're just looking.

And then you kiss me.

I gasp into it and you steal away my breath. Your hand goes to my hair and the other holds the back of my neck. You move your lips against mine, just as I did earlier, and I close my eyes.

My heart flutters and sets my blood ablaze in my veins.

Flashed up in my wildest dreams,
the dark red blood streams
stretching out like crossed red lights.

The veins of you, the veins of me,
like great forest trees
fishing through and on away

I turn my body and gather you into my arms. You press yourself against me and I feel something prick at my heart. Your poison fills me as our lips stay connected but it doesn't matter, because I'm not Snow White.

And you can always wake me up.

Land like a satellite
in the broken night
then I'll wake you there and say

"I love you."

But it's not my voice.

It's yours.

Love is light while outside
and hide set against the sky,
it seems the balance always own.


Send your lifeboats
not for me
send your lifeboat out

Kir Sirin