A/N: Ahh.... A new adventure for me. I've been working on this story for awhile so, if I get enough reviews (eh, one happy review would make my whole year!) I'll keep on posting. I'll probably post chapter two and see what kind of response I get. Hope you guys enjoy!
"You know what I think?" Jerry asks me.
I roll my eyes while moving my camera here and there. "No, I don't know."
"Well, what I think is that this history book is bullshit! It's a conspiracy to brainwash us I tell you! Conspiracy!" Jerry gradually yells with vengeance. He shakes his fist in the air to emphasize his point.
I roll my eyes again but keep my eyes looking upward. I was praying to God for patience. "God, please don't let me kill him. I don't want to go to hell. Not today at least."
Jerry gets up from his comfortable position on my bed and asks, "Whad'ya say?"
"Nothing, just praying to God."
He gives me a bored look and says, "Really? That must be exciting."
I smile and shrug. "You know God's my home-boy."
"Yeah. Yeah." He waves his hands as if to wave me away. He quickly moves off my bed and falls smack dab on the ground.
"Smooth, Jerry, smooth." I say dispassionately.
He quickly gets up and dusts himself off. "What? I didn't do anything."
I quickly look at him than down back to my camera. "You might want to put your glasses back on." I hear some rustling and Jerry mumbling. "I tell you, mumblers never get laid."
"I guess you should know."
I glare at him but he's back to his smiling-self. "You know what?"
I groan and yell, "No Jerry! I don't know what!"
He moves as if he wants to get away from me (cringing his hands and all) and says, "Touchy, touchy." He gets back to normal form and says, "Anyway, what I was going to say was-what the hell are you doing with that camera?"
I look at him then back to the camera. I smile and scratch the back of my head. "I'm not quite sure yet but it'll come to me. Eventually." We look at each other and start laughing. After we get back to being semi-normal I ask, "So, did you hear about Alan?"
"Well," I say smiling, "He got laid."
His jaw drops. "What?" He asks two octaves higher.
"Well, seems like Alan got himself some ass." I pause. "And some more."
Jerry balls his fists and hunches over before putting his arms out like he is in agony. "No! That bastard!"
"Just because you get no ass . . ."
"Shut the fuck up! It's not like our gettin' any, virgin boy!"
"Whoa! Getting hostile, much?"
Jerry's shoulders sink in defeat. "It's just . . . that . . . you I know . . .I . . . I'm . . ."
"Yes, yes, we know. You're a virgin I'm a virgin. We get it. We're screwed. Or should I say unscrewed?"
Jerry glares at me and says, "Shut up retard. Just because you're fine with it doesn't mean we all are."
I smile. "Yeah, I know."
Jerry groans before falling down on my bed dramatically. "I hate you."
"Yeah, yeah. I know I would hate me to."
Jerry peaks form beneath his arms, "You know, you weren't supposed to say that?"
"Um . . . why?"
"Because, asshole, you'll sound conceited if you do."
I swivel in my chair and ask, "So? It's not like people don't know I am."
"Why?" He asks. "Why do I even try?"
I shake my head and say, "I don't know. Maybe you're a masochist? Maybe you're just dumb? Maybe you're just born that way?" I shrug. "The world may never know."
I hear Jerry sigh. "No wonder people think you're going to be a vamp. Your humor just sucks."
I raise my eyebrows (no I can't lift one eyebrow. I'm not that good.), "And you think you're Mr. Sunshine, virgin boy?"
Jerry 'hmphs' before turning his back to me.
For a while we are in a slightly awkward silence. My eye starts twitching. I hear the unmistakable sound of Jerry's snores. Bastard. I slowly and quietly gather my pillow. I get two steps before Jerry speaks abruptly causing me to jump and drop the pillow.
"You know, when you get angry you snarl?"
"Bitch, you could've told me you were awake."
He lets out a breath. "You're a retard. You know I have ultra-awesome hearing and you expect to snake up on me? Pathetic, John. Real pathetic."
I decide to be quiet but I was simmering on the inside.
"I bet you're going to be a Were."
That gets my attention. "Whad'ya mean?"
"I mean every time you get angry or extremely annoyed you growl or snarl or this grumbling that sounds like a growl. Seriously, if you're not a Were I would be surprised."
I droop my head and pick up my camera. "Yeah, you wouldn't be the only one."
"Yeah, but it's weird."
Jerry turns back around. "What is?"
"Your face!" Before Jerry can do anything I jump him.
To give Jerry some credit, the kid tried. But as everyone else knows I'm the stronger male. I have him crying 'uncle' in less than two seconds. Okay, maybe a bit longer but I never said I'm good at keeping time.
As I tape up Jerry's mouth I hear my mother yell from the living room, "Quiet down in there! And stop playing rough John! I don't want to patch up any holes tonight!"
I look around the room seeing I if broke anything. I didn't break anything but there is a hole in the wall. Shit.
I quickly assess Jerry, deeming him helpless; I start to hide the hole. Again. I quickly determine that if I place my lamp in front of it hides most of the hole. Brilliant. Where are some shirts?
Just so you know, if you haven't noticed already, between Jerry and me I'm the brawn and Jerry's the ears. Just so you all know. Okay, as I go on all fours to retrieve a shirt I left under my desk a week ago (I think) I don't hear the 'whoosh' of a foot until too late it hits my stomach.
Damnit. I hate when he does this. Oh well, I'll get him back soon enough. I roll into the small opening in my desk (which after a second I realize that it's not the smartest thing to do). I look up to see Jerry close by but he tries to look innocent by not looking at me. I growl.
Jerry's eyes pop out and he tries to get away from me by trying to 'thump' his chair away from me. Happily (for me at least) Jerry's chair tips over.
I get up form my position under the desk and check on Jerry. He is a bit dazed but no worse for wear. I wonder if I should tape him to the floor but decide against it. I'm running out of tape. I did tape his feet together though. I wonder how I forgot to do that? As I lift Jerry up off the floor, I ponder this. Actually I start pondering many things. Was there other life in the universe? Did I do well on my English test? Did my mother hear?
My pondering gets boring after a wile so I decide to let Jerry go.
Jerry glares at me and says wile rubbing his wrists, "You're such a whore."
I raise both my eyebrows. "Why you so angry? I untied you so what more can you ask of me?"
"Like, you know, not tie me up in the first place?"
I smile, "Sorry 'bout that. It just couldn't be helped."
He glares at me for a moment but then he's back to his sunny old self. "Riiiiiight."
"So-" that's when my mangy little brother comes in. Damnit.
Now Jerry and I will have to suffer in his presence.
Don't get me wrong. I love my little brother, Andy, but the little shit is just that. A little shit. I won't punish you all with all the excruciating details of my brother's visit. Suffice it to say at the end of the visit I want to pummel not only Andy but myself as well. Jerry is a good sport about it. Maybe too much of a good sport?
Twice I have Andy out the door but Jerry sends him back in. Damn his conscience. It works at the worst of times.
When Andy finally leaves Jerry has to leave to. Jerry is mid-sentence when his ears jerk up and he grimaces. "Mom's calling. She doesn't sound too happy."
I pat his arm and say," Don't die."
He nods then moves toward my window and climbs out of it. I shake my head at his stupidity. He could have just walked the front door.