Optimal Expressions
Part IX - I'M THE CANCER QUEEN!

AN: Gah, it's been so long. D:

I've been lazy. I'm sorry. BUT I have some yummy new quotes for you, youngens. Enjoy! :DDD

XxX

Quotes submitted by Always for the Gay:

Maggie: Oh, fifth grade...the good old days. You had Mr. Freeman, right Janet?
Janet: Yeah. I hate him.
Maggie: Psh, everyone hates him. But I remember one time he threw Amedeo's desk at him. 'Cuz it was unorganized.
Janet: Yeah, well he threw his last desk last year 'cuz he got fired. He's working the district office now.
Maggie: HOLY SHIT! PWNED, BITCH! Teach you to throw desks and talk about soccer during reading time. Fail.
Janet: (shakes head and walks away)

Maggie: Butterflies are probably the most terrifying flying insect around here.
Friends: What?
Maggie: (turns to Bobby) You know what I'm talking about! THE BUTTERFLIES, BOBBY?!
Bobby: OH MY GOD THE BUTTERFLIES!! WHERE?!
Maggie: Not here...
Friends: What the hell...?
Maggie: They divebombed us while we were playing badmitton!! We smacked them to the ground with the raquet BUT THEY BOUNCED BACK UP!!
Bobby: You could hear the wings beat! It was like a horror movie!
Friends: (disbelief)
Maggie: Yeah...that's why you shouldn't live in a swamp; I.E. MY HOUSE!

XxX

Quote submitted by Red Dynamite:

Olivia: I think you have a beautiful ass.
Lin: Oh, really?
Olivia: It makes me want to write poetry.
Lin: Poetry about what?
Olivia: Sunshine and butterflies and porn.

XxX

Luci: So my mom found the baseball shorts I borrowed from Curt for spanky pants, and now she thinks I was doing dirty things with a baseball.
Everyone: ...
Luci: Player! A baseball PLAYER! Not a baseball!

(My hair had gotten so damaged from bleaching, it was starting to dread all by itself.)
Chelsea: If you haven't fixed your hair by the next time I see you, I'll rip it out of your head.

Luci: Are a guy's balls supposed to hang lower than his penis?
Beth: What?!

Mom: (walks out of the room)
Luci: Is her hair starting to grow back a little?
Lary: Yeah.
Luci: Does that mean she's getting better?
Lary: I guess.
Mom: (from the other room) YUP! I'M GETTING BETTER! I'M THE CANCER QUEEN!

(Linda is my client and I can't understand anything she says)
Linda: (talking)
Luci: Linda, the Mouth Monster is gonna get you if you talk to me before 7 am.
Linda: ...
Luci: I can't believe that worked.

Luci: So I was drinking with Jacob and Shaun and Brandy, and I remember waking up hugging the toilet. Then puking. Then Jacob peeling me off of the bathroom floor. I think on the way out I apologized for Brandy for puking. I think I apologized to Shaun too but he was busy puking off the porch, so I don't think he heard or cared. Then I think Autumn and I had McDonalds. And then I fell down. I woke up in Jacob's room and my car was missing. It was a good night.
Kelly: I'm sure.
Luci: I think there's something to be said for waking up hugging the toilet. It says you probably didn't manage to vomit on your friend's floor.

(PAIS is a company like the one I work for, but they have a pretty bad rep for neglect of clients.)
Lary: PAIS has had ads in the paper that they're hiring for the last three weeks. And they pay nine-fifty an hour.
Luci: It's more than I make, sure, but it's PAIS.
Lary: WalMart workers make more than you.

(Watching that stupid Paris Hilton reality show.)
Luci: What is that stupid thing on her head? Is that a BOW? Made of HAIR? A HAIR BOW? REALLY? A PUN? PARIS HILTON MADE A PUN?
Lary: It was probably her stylist. She's not clever enough for that.

Luci: Oh my god! I saw Casey Ellison at the mall today and--
Karasu: I was there.
Luci: ... Oh yeah.
Karasu: Maybe you shouldn't have had that last Smirnoff.

Luci: Cheese popcorn! I loooove cheese popcorn!
Popcorn Bowl: (falls to the floori)
Luci: ... Wha... What? NOOO!
Luci: (sobs)
Lary: What's your issue?
Luci: I don't know. I think I just need to go to bed. Goodnight.

(Drunk texting is dangerous, boys and girls!)
Luci: We're drinking and talking about bras. I'm not sure how we got here.
Karasu: Tell them yours is snakeskin.
Luci: Now they want to see it. It's not really snakeskin. I don't know what to do. Requesting backup.
(ten minutes later)
Luci: I'm naked and confused. I can't bluff drunk. They now know my bra's not snakeskin.
(yeah... Karasu never replied to that one...)

XxX

AN: Welp, boys and girls, it was brief but I hoped you enjoyed it. I promise I'll have more soon, once I round up the quotes from Anime Boston.

: Haha, Always for the Gay is another FP member. They submitted quotes. And yeah, I loved the machete moment.

I'm not doing a full round of replies. I just had to put in that one cause it was a direct question. But I love you all. Please continue to review!

love.
luci.