It all started my freshmen year of high school where solitude surrounded me and friendship was distant. It all began with answers to a math problem and ended with a phone call. Three whole years of torturing pleasure and a stupid phone call was all it took to terminate what was and could've been if communication devices didn't exist. Sometimes I think out greater being made this all happen for his own sadistic enjoyment, but I think I'm atheist so that's a completely different story.
I think the most frightening thing I've ever done voluntarily was letting my self be loved. If I am loved I am in total bliss and forced to love back. Love is really hard, or at least what I think love is at my age is. When I felt like I was in love I couldn't express it because I had no idea how to. I didn't know how to use the word or if it was even socially legal to use it so young. My mind got so turned on by even the mentioning of his first name initial so I figured I'd try my best to open up to him. I was terrified as I typed those three simple words. So much that I completely missed almost every letter on the keyboard and ended up spelling "I kovw tou" instead. After I fixed it and pressed enter I felt like running away to hide under a rock in Japan, but there was no possible way for that so I sat there and waited for a response. When I read what he typed to me I felt like I melted and was drowning in myself, but It was just the tears on my face, hands and pants. He had said that to me before but I didn't believe it and I never replied back.
After that day everything was great, or so I thought it was. We had small problems, but it was all dumb teenage stress and you know how that goes. At one point, years after, affection wasn't demonstrated enough, or at all, and lots of questions weren't answered. I'd have to say that besides the saddest day I can remember having, it was also a pretty scary day that day I told him how I felt about our love not being reflection on each other. Still, I don't think it was as scary as the whole three year experience.
Things got fixed and broke down again many times. There were even times where love took over and we both just pretended everything was fine when it was blatant it wasn't just to make the other happy. This went on for about half a year and I got to tell you, I lost so much body fluid during that time.
Now everything is over and 'till this day that person is less than fifty feet away from me for ten hours a day, yet I feel like they are more than fifty million miles away from my touch and voice twenty-four hours a day. Although, there were a lot of scary and sad moments, I don't regret a thing, so I still got by what I've gone by for a long time; Don't treat other as you would like to be treated, treat other as they treat you. The last time I got a phone call from him was the last time anything he said meant nothing.