A/N: I offer you all my sincerest apologies. It's been a long time, far longer than I ever expected. I hope you can all forgive me for the ridiculously long wait, I could give you hundreds of excuses, but I won't. Just know that things have been difficult and my writing suffered because of them. However, now I'm back and so is Calen.
There have been several edits to this work, some scenes are gone and some new ones have been written. I won't say it's necessary for you to reread, because I do think you can get away with just going forward. Just know that there have been some alterations to Himel's character and some of his actions.
Please enjoy and I thank you all for your reviews and alerts.
'Cause a Lawyer Killing Party has…Apes!
Tristan ran down the halls, screaming like a wild howler monkey with Mimi racing right behind him, her wicked sharp nails reaching out to snag him by the collar.
"Tristan, will you fucking stop!" Mimi finally yelled, coming to a stop in the middle of the posh hotel hallway. "It's not a fucking zombie! Zombies aren't real, ok?"
Whirling around, the brunette ex-basketball player stared at Mimi with the eyes of a frightened bush baby. "Mimi! That's what all the people who die in the zombie movies say! Ok, first you're all, oh they're not real, I'm gonna leave the sanctity of the barn and go into the post-apocalyptic world outside and then bam! Your ass goes outside and a zombie is chewing on your fucking scrotum, dude! Your fucking scrotum!"
Taking a deep breath, Tristan paused before placing his hands on his hips, chest still heaving from running. "Now, I don't know about you, but I like my scrotum."
Mimi wanted to kill something. She really wanted to just stick her hand through someone's stomach, rip out their intestines and then wrap them around their throat and choke them to death because Tristan was so damn stupid it was driving her crazy.
God! She could have been part of the Mathletes, she could have surrounded herself with smart people, but no, she went and made friends with the neurotic, retarded gay kid and the guy who believed that his penis would fall off if you didn't use it often enough.
"Tristan," the small women snapped. "First of all, I don't have a scrotum. So, I don't really have to worry about that now do I? Second of all, zombies are not fucking real, so when you're done imagining an imaginary zombie chewing on my equally imaginary scrotum, why don't you turn your ass around?!"
The brunette man rolled his eyes. "Well, how do you know you don't have a scrotum, have you ever looked for it?"
Were they really having this conversation right now?
"Tristan!" Mimi started, only to jump nearly five feet in the air in surprise as a door directly in front of them burst open.
"Stop where you are! This is the police! Put your hands in the air!" The officer shouted behind his shield, the man fully decked out in SWAT gear. Damn, rich people really panicked when poor crazy people got into their hotels, pretended to have seizures, and then jumped onto chandeliers making monkey noises.
Sweet Jesus! Now she really was going to end up in prison! Of course, she'd do better than Calen but still! She had a life to lead, people to meet, hot men to see, an adorable and slightly homicidal Chihuahua to take care of!
Tristan immediately put his hands up, but Mimi did so much more slowly. Part of her wondered if it was possible to maybe roundhouse kick the first cop, then throw Tristan at the other before stabbing him to death with a bobby pin. Of course, she didn't try, because she wasn't a moron, but it did work out very well in her head.
"Ma'am, sir, you can put your hands down, you're safe now," one of the SWAT men said gently.
Mimi and Tristan looked at each other. "Say what?" Mimi finally managed to ask.
"The gorilla, ma'am, we're here about the gorilla," the other explained.
Tristan was trying really hard to look anywhere but at the officers, because he was about 90% sure that he was the gorilla. Actually, what the fuck? He didn't look like a gorilla! This was fucking insulting! They better think they were trying to gun down a hot ass gorilla…
Rather than be perturbed about the fact that one of her best friends apparently greatly resembled an ape in the eyes of the rich, Mimi was more than happy to use this information to their advantage.
Swooning, the short female faked a near faint. "Oh officers, thank God you're here. It was like King Kong up in this bitch," she fell into one man's waiting arms and he pat her on the back sympathetically. "You know, me and my friend who has the mind of a child were playing with our electric plane and motherfucker just knocked it out the sky. We were afraid for our lives."
"I know ma'am, it's very frightening, but we've dealt with monkeys before and we know how to handle this." Grabbing Mimi by the hand, he hid the snickering, malicious woman and Satan's spawn behind him. Tristan was simply flabbergasted but he shuffled back behind the officer too.
"Actually," the other man behind the shield corrected, "Gorillas are actually apes, not monkeys."
The other officer glared at him through his visor. "No one gives a fuck, Bill." Well excuse Bill!
A large rumbling noise started from down the hall and the group jumped, the officers aiming their guns from behind their shields.
Confused, Calen's two best friends shrugged their shoulders at each other before cowering behind the officers. Their surprise could only be on par with a drunken man's at seeing that the woman he brought home last night was not a woman at all but a cluster of sewer rats dressed in a poncho when they saw an actual, fucking gorilla storming towards them and beating its chest angrily.
"What the fuck?" Mimi stammered, mouth gaping open.
"Dude! What are the chances? What are the chances?" Unable to control himself, the messy male was falling apart with laughter. He fell over and slid down the wall, tears falling from his eyes. "It's King Kong, motherfucker!" he added just before falling over to his side, clutching his stomach.
The gorilla made a grunting noise and started forward, but the officers held up their guns and the ape paused, looking at them suspiciously. "Put your hands in the air, you damn dirty ape!" screamed one of the officers.
Obviously, the ape just blinked at them before turning around and going on its way down the hall. If tears hadn't blinded Tristan's eyes too much to know for sure, he could have sworn it was shaking its ass indignantly as it went.
"We're gonna get that son of a bitch, Bill! We're not gonna let this go down like the chimp incident last September," shouted the shorter officer, shield raised in rage.
What the fuck was going on?
Officer Bill, choked back a sob and lifted his shield as well. "Let's do this for Jimmy's missing testes!"
"Yeah!" the other hollered before charging with a primal scream at the gorilla, who really looked as if it did not know what the fuck was going on and just decided to run for its sweet, sweet life. Officer Bill followed a moment later, still sobbing a bit over Jimmy's fallen testicles.
For a long while, Mimi and Tristan simply stood there, their heads tilted.
"Wow," the man said after a minute. "That was really fortunate. I mean, there was really a fucking gorilla in the hotel. Rich people are awesome."
Snapped back into the reality of their situation, the small girl quickly punched her companion. "Shit! We need to get back to Calen!"
Snorting, Tristan shook his head. "No way dude, I didn't just survive an experience with the police and a gorilla to die by zombie before I can tell anybody. Actually, I'm totally going to tell Isaac first, he's gonna think this shit is hilarious." He laughed.
Mimi punched the brunette in the head. "Nobody gives a fuck about what my dumbass cousin thinks is funny. What you need to do, is get your skinny, skanky ass down that hallway and help your friend." Confident that the other would follow out of a fear, the female practically strutted back to the spot that they had left Calen…only to find that he wasn't there.
Shit! Mimi could already imagine what had happened. The asshole lawyer had probably woken up and dragged Calen back to his insane stalker by his pretty ass. Shit! They were probably back up in his room sticking different types of sausages in Calen's ass while slathering him in gravy!
"No!" The brunette male shrieked as he fell to his knees, clutching the bloodied sheet in his hands. "Why did they have to take Calen and not my old math teacher?!" He cried aloud.
Rolling her eyes, the petite young woman sighed before she kicked the other in the back. He cried out in pain and turned to her accusingly while still clutching the sheet. "Damn bitch, can you not see I'm mourning here? Somewhere out there a zombie is chewing on Calen's scrotum!"
"No, somewhere out there a German is trying to stick his dick up Calen's ass!" She screamed. "We have to get back to that room and save him before he gets raped or worse…" Like being covered in sauerkraut and eaten on a whole wheat bun. Beautiful people were always the cannibals.
Tristan bit his lip and stared down at the sheet. The amount of blood did seem quite small. Maybe Calen had escaped from the zombie or died in the first wave? Or maybe the lawyer was now taking Calen to his zombie king!
Jumping up, the ex basketball player grabbed his friend by her shoulders. "I have an idea!"
"Well that's new."
Part of her wanted to tell Tristan that this was the stupidest fucking plan that he had ever come up with, but at the same time, she really could afford the shits and giggles. Plus, as long as they found out if Calen was in the room that was all that really mattered.
So, that was why she had helped Tristan steal a room service worker's clothes and procured a fake mustache for him and also why she was staring at him from around a corner as he sashayed through the hall with a meal tray.
He winked at her and flashed a thumbs up as he knocked on the door. She clutched her head in her hands. This was either going to be the most embarrassing moment of her entire life or the moment she wrote about to her parents when she threw herself off a cliff.
Himel Aldercyde, if that was his real name, answered the door sleepily, squinting slightly. "Hello?" he muttered, rubbing at his eyes.
"Well hullo, ja!" Tristan giggled as he twirled his fake mustache. "Ichs room service, ja. Straight from Germany jus' like you, ja?"
Mimi simply fell to the floor with laughter while Himel Aldercyde's eye twitched profusely.
"I didn't order any room service," the German man managed to say in spite of his rapidly twitching eye. "I think you have the wrong room."
Eyes wide, Tristan shook his head like a dog that had just come from out of a rainstorm. "Nein! Ist you, ja. Ist da sexy pancake for rubbing all over hot sexy poor boy with cat." He giggled again, before shooting Mimi a wink. He knew this plan would work. Everyone knew Germans loved pancakes and sausages!
Meanwhile, Mimi was seriously questioning whether or not there was actually something wrong with Tristan, like missing a vital part of one's brain, wrong.
Himel Aldercyde was altogether unsure as to how the hotel even knew that he had a hot sexy poor boy with a cat. He was also unsure of what kind of person would assume he wanted to rub pancakes all over mentioned hot sexy poor boy with a cat. Ultimately however, he was pretty damn sure that this was not cool. "My guest is out at the moment and I…well, I never really planned to rub pancakes all of him, but thank you. I appreciate the thought."
Fuck, Calen wasn't there. That meant he could still be with the zombie! They were probably out there, spreading their undead spores as they spoke! Tristan gave a nervous nod. "Ja, ja. Eez Ok, ja. I see you later!" He attempted to run off, but Himel pulled him back by his collar.
"Just out of curiosity," Calen's stalker said emotionlessly. "What is the name of your manager?" There was something off about all of this, but the German just couldn't put his finger on it…
Rising from her hiding spot, Mimi mentally prepared herself for having to really kill someone this time. If the freak stalker realized who Tristan was, then she would have no choice but to place her foot so far up his ass that it came out of the other side. It was the only logical option left! She just wished she hadn't chosen such fabulous boots to do so as it was kind of a downer.
Fuck! He was caught. He had to think of something. He'd improvised with the whole chandelier thing, so he could do this too. Now what was a German name…? "Danke schon," he said, completely serious.
Mimi nearly fell over from Tristan's sheer stupidity.
Himel Aldercyde was not amused. Not only was his eye twitching now, his whole face was. "Your manager's name…is thank you?"
"Yes?" Tristan said with a shrug before he gave a shout. "Ow! Dude! What the fuck!" The brunette boy rubbed at the spot where the other man had ripped off his fake mustache. Damn that mustache glue hurt…Did he still have an upper lip? He hoped so, because he was pretty sure girls didn't hook up with guys with no upper lip.
Squinting, Calen's stalker pulled Tristan closer. "You," he started, peering harder at Tristan, the brunette boy's eyes widening in fear.
Scrambling, Mimi looked around her. She had to think of something to keep Tristan from having his balls flambéed and placed on top of a bed of fresh greens! Grabbing the sheet from off a dining cart, she grinned.
Himel was still holding Tristan up off his feet and squinting. "I know you… Where have I seen you before?" he questioned to himself, only to be nearly thrown off his feet by a chocolate colored blur. He looked up, surprised at the young woman whose head and face were covered by a large white scarf.
Bowing quickly to the larger German man, Mimi grabbed Tristan's hands with her sharp nails. "Oh I'm so sorry, sir!" She exclaimed, sounding tragically apologetic. "Has my son been bothering you? He just can't help it. He's troubled, you see. Once we were taking a trip to Africa and we were on safari," the devious female stopped for a moment to wipe away a fake tear. "He slipped out of the car and ended up having the back of his head mauled by a lion. It eventually decided that he wasn't delicious, but the damage was already done."
She grabbed Tristan, forcing his head down into her breasts as she pat his head. "That's why his hair looks like shit, to hide the damage." Pushing him roughly away and eventually, into the wall, she bowed to Himel again, who looked like he really just wanted to get the fuck out of there. "Please accept my husband and I's sincerest apologies."
"Bitch, I don't know you," Tristan snapped, putting his hands on his hips as he stared down the cloaked little weirdo who had pushed him.
Mimi was on the verge of losing her shit. Was Tristan really that stupid that he couldn't tell who she was? She glared at him, but he only pouted at her. Dear God, he really was. Maybe he really had been mauled by a lion as a child. Snatching him by the front of the shirt, she covered herself as she quickly lowered the sheet to show her face. "Really, honey, you don't know your own mother?" she hissed through her teeth.
For once in his life, Tristan was quick on the uptake. "Oh Mama," he cried, throwing himself at her in what he felt was a truly Oscar worthy performance. "I'm sorry! It's just…when I pretend that I'm a German busboy I can finally close my eyes without the lion's fangs closing down on me!"
"It's gonna be ok, my sweet baby. It's gonna be ok." Mimi sniffled, shifting her large, imploring eyes at Calen's stalker, who looked mad uncomfortable at this point.
"Why don't we just…forget this ever happened," the man said after clearing his throat in discomfort. "No harm done." He slowly started to back up into his room, anxious to close the door and probably never open it again. He was really unsure as to why this hotel received such good reviews when they let insane people reside in it. The German man felt more like he was in an asylum than a hotel and that was saying something considering he was constantly in Johann's company.
As the dark haired man attempted to retreat into his room, Lily came strolling out and took a seat. Mimi and Tristan looked at the cat in slight horror. The feline stared at them for a moment before she raised a paw and seemed to point at the both of them. "Meow. Meow," she sounded out in what sounded like a reprimand.
The two took off running down the hallway. "I'll remember this, cat!" Mimi shouted back. "There's a special place in hell for traitors!" The deranged female dragged Tristan behind her as she thrust the sheet off of her body, like a villain shedding her cape.
Himel watched them go in slight awe, the whole interaction making a striking amount of sense as the girl with the afro and the messy, slightly racist boy ran off. He picked up Lily and stared into her bright green eyes. "You're a genius, aren't you?"
Suffice to say I'd never been knocked out before. Black out drunk, yes, but in my defense there had been a shit ton of jello shots and when there's a shit ton of jello shots, you have to drink them all; it's like a rule. Anyway, I was pretty sure my eye was swollen shut and my head was pounding like a sumo wrestler was dancing an Irish jig on my face when I woke up.
"What happened?" My mouth felt like it was filled with cotton and there was this disgusting taste in it, like I'd eaten pennies or something and that's when it hit me. He hit me! That son of a bitch Satan loving lawyer head butted me in the face! And honestly, not going to lie, it was the face part that was really killing me. How the hell was I supposed to make tips when for all I fucking knew, I looked like some creature from out of the Lord of the Rings?! Couldn't he have just punched me in the stomach, you don't really need your stomach to make money…Ok, that probably wasn't true either, but still! Fuck this guy!
Picking myself up off the floor, I looked around me. I was still in the hotel hallway, but it seemed like I was alone. There was no sign of the head butting psychopath or Mimi or Tristan. I sat up slowly and then clutched at my throbbing nipple. What the hell? Was I lactating now?
I tried to remember everything that happened and then I jumped. Not only did Himel's senile best friend head butt me, he'd given me a tittie twister! What the hell were we, five? Why not just throw sand in my eyes and hit me in the face with a pail?
Was this the kind of shit he was teaching his demon offspring? Forget that image of a cute little girl; she'd probably have feasted on her father's remains before stealing candies from babies and throwing salt on slugs while laughing diabolically.
"Are you awake now, you little pig fucker?" My stalker's lawyer coughed. I suppose I should have expected a nasty greeting, but pig fucker? That was low. I mean, not to be conceited but if I wanted to be fucked, and I didn't and especially not by Himel, I could do much better than a pig.
Scrambling onto my feet, I pointed at the haggard man who had dried blood crusted all over his face. Ew. "You asshole! You assaulted me! You're lucky I don't turn you into the police." I shouted superiorly. Looks like the only one who's gonna be seeing 'Lil Stabby today was Himel's lawyer, although admittedly, I doubt the man would be anyone's bitch. I could really only seeing him getting into a knife fight out in the yard.
My deranged attacker gave a hysterical laugh as he pushed himself towards me, using the wall for support. "I assaulted you? You tried to murder me!"
I gasped. "No I didn't! You-you tried to murder yourself, I mean who just stands in front of a door that's about to be rammed open?!"
He just looked at me.
Alright, my argument didn't make that much sense but can you blame me? He was calling me a murderer and shit, I was one of the only people in my life that actually had a problem with killing people and now this asshole was accusing me of trying to murder him! Well, clearly Tristan also wasn't down with the whole killing people thing, but his reasons seemed to really focus on not bringing zombies into this world and I'll be damned if that's legit.
Himel's lawyer lurched towards me and grabbed me by the shirt. "You listen to me, you gonorrhea infested peasant!" Why did everyone think I had a sexually transmitted disease? How many times did I have to announce it to the world that I hadn't had sex in three years before someone actually believed that my ass was as clean as my teeth? Was there just something about me that screamed hobo whore? "I'm going to drag your ass to the police station and once there I am going to tell them about you and your friends attempt to murder me and then I'm going to tell them about your plan to dump me in your shitty neighborhood to cover it up and let me be anally penetrated by a sewer rat!"
Oh…he could hear us? That's awkward…
I managed to push the other man off me before raising my arms in a placating gesture. "Look, we panicked, ok? We couldn't think of anything else!" I tried to explain.
"You could have done anything else!" The guy screamed into my face. Suddenly, a sick smile crept over his ashen face. "But it's all going to be ok, Calen. You know why?" No, and I'm pretty sure I didn't want to either. "Because there are large men in prison, Calen. Very large men with hands the size of footballs and arms as thick as telephone poles and you know what they do to crack whores like you? They stick their whole fucking arm up your ass! And I hope when you can't shit for a week you think of me!" And then he took off down the hall. Well, it was more like he hobbled down the hall, but it was a relatively fast hobble.
He was also laughing maniacally.
The only thing that I could do was watch him for a few minutes because clearly homeboy was crazy and I mean like Mimi-level crazy before I finally realized what he had said. Shit! He was probably running for the police and in a nice place like this, they were probably all around the fucking place. It was only a matter of time before some officer put me in cuffs and 'Lil Stabby was brushing my hair with a toothpick while some other guy tattooed his name onto my ass!
Running after him, I tackled him to the floor. Himel's lawyer made a shrieking noise as he fell before he scrambled back towards me and attempted to scratch my eyes out. All I could really do was swat his hands way. I'd never been in a real fight before; I was too pretty to allow someone to punch me in the eye. I'm pretty sure he was too weak from blood loss and general abuse to actually put up a real fight, judging by the way he was huffing and puffing. Then again, I really couldn't afford this fucker to have a heart attack either…
I grabbed both of his hands and pushed them to the floor. Taking a moment to wince at the fact that I was straddling a man who was probably old enough to father me, I tried to talk some sense into him. "Look, you're hurt. You can't beat me right now. So what do you say we put all of this behind us and I take you to the hospital?" I gave him the best case of puppy eyes that I had in my arsenal, but much like Mimi, he was more than willing to kick a puppy into oncoming traffic if need be.
Motherfucker bit me. The asshole sank his teeth into my wrist and then shook his head like he was a rabid dog! What the hell? The thought that Himel might be a cannibal came racing through my head for a moment. What if that kiss was really an attempt to see what my lips tasted like?!
My mental processes were taking a turn for the worst hanging out with all of these crazy people. Once I got away from the rabid flesh eating German and his sex god best friend, I'd have to take a break from Tristan and Mimi and go hang out with some normal people, you know, like old people baking cookies inside of a yellow house with a white picket fence normal. I bet they never got stalked, bitten, or had their little yellow houses burn down.
I rolled away from him and held my bleeding wrist. "Listen you freak! You can't bite people. If you have rabies I swear to"-
I didn't get to finish my thought as rabid lawyer got up, spit blood from his mouth and started running down the hallway while holding his side. "Wait!" I ran after him, but he must have gained some serious energy back because he was hightailing it down the length of the floor and I could barely catch up to him.
A door was opening and my eyes widened. He couldn't get away! Time seemed to go in slow motion as I dove at him and I could hear myself, yelling, "Nooooooooo!" like we were in some Matrix film and bullets were able to pummel the chosen one or in this case the chosen rabies infested one.
While I was falling towards him in slow mo, he suddenly stopped running. "The fuck is that?" he slurred but it was just then that I landed on top of him and we careened onto the side wall. Again, I heard that garbled sound of a slow motion no, but it was him instead of me this time.
Feeling quite triumphant, like old school victory dance, grab your crotch and scream about it triumphant, I looked down at him and grinned. "Ha! Your ass isn't going anywhere. Now, first, tell me who's your daddy and then afterwards, you and I can work this all out?"
"Shut up," he hissed at me, spittle flying into my face again. Swear, he really did have rabies…
I crossed my arms from where I sat on top of him. "Yeah, no." Hey, so maybe I was being an asshole, but anyone who gave another human being a tittie twister didn't deserve respect. Nipples can't grow back.
The old guy's face actually turned nervous and good, because it was about damn time that someone in my life realized that I actually did have some power over what happened. "Be quiet you idiot before it comes over here."
It? What the hell was he talking about? The last thing I needed was this guy to get delusional. Although that could work in my favor if the police came…
I opened my mouth to say something snotty when a very inhuman sound made me turn away. My mouth dropped open and the sound a fat kid who dropped his ice cream cone makes came out. There was a fucking gorilla in the hall.
Wait a minute… It couldn't be… "Tristan?" I called out cautiously.
It opened its mouth and revealed a set of fangs. Yeah, definitely not Tristan.
Jumping off the lawyer, I screamed. "Oh my God! Oh my God, Oh my God!" Why was there a real gorilla in the hotel? Was I in bizarro world? Maybe the gorilla was Tristan and hell, maybe a loving kind Mimi dressed like an angel was going to come down the hallway next. At least that would make sense.
Homeboy grabbed me by the leg and dragged me back down again. The gorilla was surprisingly cool about our presence and proceeded to merely stare at us. Maybe it thought my life was as weird as I thought it was. Or it could have been thinking of the best way to rip our faces off. Who knows?
"We have to get away," the lawyer rasped. No shit, Sherlock. "There's a utility closet right there," he pointed directly behind him, in the opposite direction of the gorilla. "We just have to make it there, before the monkey kills us both."
"Aren't they apes?" He glared at me. "Ok, right, right, focus. On the count of three, we'll just make a run for it, ok?"
The lawyer nodded at me his jaw set. "One," he whispered as the gorilla came a little bit closer. "Two…" We both stood up at the same time. "Three!" He snarled before pushing me to the floor as he ran.
It had to be righteous indignation which sent me sprawling upwards three seconds later. I saw red. I felt like Mimi on a rampage. All I wanted to do was smash his stupid German head in and then break dance in the mush in a pair of Uggs. We both fell into the closet at the same time and that's when round two began.
He punched me in the stomach and I pulled his hair. I smacked him in the face and he kicked me in the knee. Himel's lawyer poked me in the eye so I bit his finger. Basically we were having a school yard brawl without the flea infested woodchips.
There were voices in the hall and we both froze. They were yelling something, orders. Police! It was the fucking police! I was happy and horrified at the same time. At least, something that made sense was happening now. One would hope that if a gorilla was walking around scratching its ass someone would do something about it.
The man, who had somehow convinced a woman to breed with him, started to call out for help but I clamped my hand over his mouth. "If you call out for help, I swear I'll tell them that you were…were trying to solicit me for sex!" I hissed through my teeth and was actually rather impressed with myself. I'd never really blackmailed someone outside of my family before. Well, Mimi once, but it's hard to blackmail someone who counters your proposal with a kick to the balls.
"No wuff udd eve you!" he hissed back at me, but I only smirked at him.
"Oh yeah? Well, you thought I looked like a whore didn't you and let's be clear with each other, I'm an adorable younger man in a whole lot of debt and you're a crusty old man with a lot of money and we're in a closet. Who's gonna win this one?"
Was it appropriate that a 21 year old man was being seen cabbage patching in the middle of a posh hotel parking lot? Probably not. Did it feel damn good? Hell yes!
The car door slammed angrily and I jumped out of my victory dance as the angry lawyer shoved himself into the vehicle. Why weren't we taking the limo? Also, where did this new Audi even come from? Honestly, did people with money just have the ability to pull luxury shit out of their asses? It hardly mattered though, cause I was beaming as I climbed into the passenger's seat. "Should you be driving? You did get hit in the head."
If looks could kill…"Why don't you just shut up? I'm so tired of you I could kill myself."
What was this guy's problem? I apologized for hurting him, even tried to nurse him back to health but nothing I did was good enough. I wasn't good enough, not to live, not for Himel and I was tired, my nipple hurt, and my head still felt like it was the floor of a river dance competition.
"You know what? I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry you got hurt, I'm sorry we panicked like a bunch of dumbasses and I'm sorry I ever crashed my stupid car into your stupid ass limo, but right now I'm trying to help you. And once we get to the hospital, if you want you can call Himel and you can tell him to bring my cat and then you'll never have to see my ass again!" I was panting by the time I had finished. I was just so angry. Every possible thing that could go wrong had and I kept catching shit from this jackass and my friends and why was I still thinking about that stupid kiss?!
A crack resounded through the car, so loud that I jumped. Himel's lawyer had slammed his fist down on the steering wheel. He turned towards me, glaring but the look in his eyes was different from the hate I'd seen before. He looked…scared. "That! That is why I wish we never came to this country. You think this is all a joke, don't you? You're such an idiot that you just think that Himel is this suave playboy that can't get hurt, but you don't know anything!"
He laughed, softly and bitterly. "No matter how much he might make it seem like all he wants is a shag, that is not who he is. He can lie to you, to himself, but not to me." Something in the way he was looking at me made me lean away from him. It wasn't the anger, although that was definitely still there, it was the honesty in his gaze, it was the way it seemed so imploring. It was like he was begging me to do something, but I didn't know what.
"I see the way he looks at you; it's the same way he looked at Yuri. And I knew Yuri from the moment I met him, knew exactly who he was and I could hear a little voice inside my head telling me to keep him away from Himel, but I didn't because of that look. Because he was so happy and I didn't want…"
He squeezed his face so hard I was scared his fingers might puncture through his weathered skin. Suddenly he looked up at me, his black eyes hard and emotionless. "I hear that same little voice now, whenever I look at you but it's too late because he's enraptured with you and already, you're ready to leave and you don't care how it might affect him. You're too bloody stupid to see past that pathetic façade. Too stupid to see him for what he really is. And I have to put a stop to this but I don't know how."
"Shiza! Shiza! Shiza!" He slammed his fists over and over into the steering wheel until his knuckles were bleeding.
Part of me wanted to run out of the car before he started hitting me instead of the steering wheel but then I looked at him a little bit closer. If I squinted, shrank him, gave him boobs and an afro, he could have been Mimi. He could easily be my best friend.
We didn't speak at the hospital or on the way back to the hotel. At the hospital, we'd both made up an elaborate story about a group of thieves on rollerblades who were beating up the innocent for money and sacrificing cats to their pagan gods. They'd looked at us strangely for a minute until I told them my address, then they said they'd heard about that before. Not gonna lie, not so upset about having to find a new place now.
The old guy ended up getting stitches on his head and had a bruised side, but other than that he was alright. The doctors wanted to keep him overnight in case he had a concussion, but the look he gave them kept them from pushing the issue. His wife was apparently a doctor and he, and I quote, "knew what the fuck to do when you have a goddamn concussion, you dumbass."
I surprisingly did not have a concussion and the doctor told me that I had mostly passed out from shock, rather than being hit in the head. I didn't bother to seek treatment for a bruised nipple, as I felt that would just be awkward for everyone.
When we got into the hotel, the old guy just glared at me and walked to his room, leaving me alone to face Himel. I was kind of hoping that the door would be locked and that I could just run all the way to Sarah's and beg for a place to stay, but when I turned the knob the door opened right up. The lights were out and I could see a mass lying on the floor and wide green eyes were glowing in the dark on top of it.
Why was Himel laying on the floor and why was my cat sleeping on top of him? Actually, who gave a fuck? If he was sleeping then that meant that we never had to talk about our impromptu make out session, which was fine by me. I tried to tiptoe around him towards the bed.
"Your friends came looking for you," he yawned, his stupid voice just as sexy as it ever was. "I don't know where they got the impression that all Germans say 'ja' after every sentence or that we like to rub pancakes all over people's naked bodies, but I'd thought I'd let you know that they were here."
Damn Tristan and his German pancake obsession!
My stalker rolled over and even in the dark I could see his stunningly white teeth. "I'll also be sleeping on the floor to keep you from thinking I'm trying to molest you." Little late for that. "But if you want I can -join you on the bed and we can finish off-"
"Go fuck yourself."
He chuckled. "Goodnight, Calen."
"Goodnight…" I watched him roll back over to sleep and felt my stomach drop. If the lawyer was right then what if...what if this really was about something more than sex? And if so, what the hell was I supposed to do about it and why did that seem…better?