Chapter 1

'Strange! This place vaguely reminds me of something I have seen. I just cannot remember what it is. Just look at all the purple lavenders in the field! Look at that sea of purple! It is so gorgeous.'

Alice just stood there and stared at the field. Suddenly, the field seems to grow smaller and smaller. The sun seemed to get nearer and nearer to Alice.

'My my, what a strange thing this is. It is as if it is a dream! I don't remember me falling asleep. I don't recall me lying in bed. The last thing I remembered was me standing in a field of orange where I was looking at blue flowers! Now, now, where are all the yellow sunflowers? Goodness, I am confused. I can't get my colours right!' Alice just stood there and thought really hard.

The moon started to rise. The sun started to set. Alice just grew and grew. Her head is almost as big as the planet Jupiter.

'Goodness me, how is my shoulder ever going to be able to support my poor head? How is it possible?' Alice mumbled out loud to herself.

Suddenly, a brilliant idea struck her.

'My my, what a clever little girl you are! I never knew you would be able to think of such things. I am really proud of you! How can I ever have forgotten about it? My long hair is helping my neck and shoulders support my big head!' Alice just grinned to herself. She simply could not believe how great she was.

Come to think of it, I have not thought of such things before. Alice is really indeed a genius, isn't she? Perhaps it is due to her large brain in her large head that helped her think large thoughts about large complicated things. I am not sure, my head is Pluto compared to hers.

Alice started to get bored. She was too tired to move. She was hungry. All she could see was the black starless sky with the big moon. She had to find ways to entertain herself. It would be 75 hours more before the moon will set. It will be 75 hours more before Alice can become her unusual self with her small head.

'My teacher once told me that the moon had Moonians on them and that they only come out to play once every blue moon. Oh, how I wish that the moon is blue now. How I wish I have a paintbrush in my hands right now. Then, I can paint the moon blue. Then the aliens would come out and play! I wonder how they look like.

I think that they are yitty in colour and that they have long tomas and short harabad. I wonder what language they speak in. Maybe, they will speak in Moonish.'

Alice just kept on wondering. She knew how to speak Moonish. She was great, wasn't she?

'If they come out all of a sudden, I will say "Yellose Moonians! Aitrok juet gossum icktickiny? (Which of course [you are not that dense, are you?] meant Hello Moonians! How are you today?) Then, they will reply me with the greatest enthusiasm because they have not seen any human beings for the longest amount of time for nobody ever do bother to visit those poor Moonians. 'Yellose Earthlian! Eee'se lioah! Aitrok juet gossum icktickiny?' (Which of course [Not that you are that thick, just to be what all good narrators do – they explain!] Hello Earthlian! I'm fine! How are you today?) Then, a conversation will go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on! Oh dear, I have better stopped. It will go on forever!' Alice just stood there on the field with all the sleeping flowers.

Those poor flowers in this plot of land! All they do is to sleep all day. If not, they will just stand and have some idle chats. They are just not productive! Haven't the government been promoting child birth? Why aren't they pollinating each other but having idle chats and swaying in the wind? It is no wonder that there are less and less flowers in the land. Inbreeding is happening! That is why we have strange ugly colours in those poor flowers with down syndrome. What a sight! What kind of colours are these! Orange, blue, purple! They are all hideous!

Alice just stood there. There she stood waiting for the time to past.

'Dear dear, I wonder what time is it now.' Alice reached her hand into her pocket. She grabbed the first thing she got hold of in her pocket. Out she pulled a cat. SHREK! The cat screamed at Alice. She was just sleeping.

'I am so sorry Kathy. I didn't know you were in my pocket. I thought you were at home. Now, now, go and play okay in the fields okay.' She dropped the cat onto the ground (Now, now, you must be wondering. How on earth does Kathy survived such a high fall? Don't worry, cats just have their ways of doing those things.)

Alice reached into her pocket again. She pulled out a book. Nope! That was not what she wanted. She stuffed the book back in. She pulled out a water bottle. Nope! That was not what she wanted. She stuffed the water bottle back in. She pulled out a lamppost. What a thing! She couldn't recall having that in her pocket. Oh, never mind. She put the lamppost back in. She pulled out a watch. Yes! Finally, a watch! That was what she was looking for all the time.

Sometimes, Alice amazes herself. Her pocket was so small, how can she manage to put so many things in them.

'My my, it is only seventeen o'clock. The sun will only rise at twenty nine o'clock. I guess I have to occupy myself. I shall call my bestest friend! I wonder what Ed is doing right now. Maybe he is washing his clothes using his super ancient washing machine. I cannot believe it! The technology is so advance now and he is just using a washine machine that will help you wash, dry, fold, iron, starch and put the clothes on for you. That is a bit behind in technology, isn't it? My washing machine is so much better. I get to use my hands to beat it and scratch it and use the soap to cleanse it thoroughly!'

Alice put her hands into her pocket and pulled out a phone. Two-zero-zero-seven-zero-zero-a-e-i-o-u-elephant-hippotamus-hydrogen-three-five-oxygen-purple-pink-nine. Right, she has successfully dialled the number.

'!#$%^&*()_#$%^&*()(*&^%$#$%^&*()' The phone rang.

'Hello?' A high pitch voice went into the phone. Ouch! That hurts!

'Hello.' Sigh, Alice again, Ed thought. He was busy. He was trying to play his cyber broomball game. Oh well, Alice is his bestest friend.

'Ed! What are you doing now?'

'Alice, I am playing my cyber broomball game. What a time to call!'

'Oh Ed, not that low technology thing again. Come on Ed, it is time to 'upgrade' yourself. Technology is already so advanced! Why don't you just pick that club up and go play the Barbaric-Beating-Each-Other-Up Game! Isn't that so much more advance?'

'Alice, sometimes it is nice to lag behind the technological advancement. You know Alice, I am really busy right now. I have to go and play now. That guy is sweeping the ball into the goal area! I need to get my mop and get the ball away. I can't afford to lose! Catch 'ya later!'

CLICK… !#$%^&*()(*&^%$##$%^&*(

The phone went dead.

Ed rushed immediately to pick up the mop and started sweeping at mid air. Hurray! He managed to mop the ball away. Oh no! That guy is using his speciality. He is vacuuming the ball toward the goal! Sigh, being the goal-keeper really stinks. Ed wasn't afraid. He had just the idea of getting that guy. He picked up the rubbish bin and scattered a row of rubbish in front of the goal area. Then he picked up a clean piece of cloth and braced himself. The vacuum came. It got stuck at the rubbish line. The ball got loose from the vacuum machine. Ed immediately used the cloth and wiped the ball away from the goal area. His cyber team-mate caught it with a dustpan and aims it at the defending team's goal area. GOAL! Ed's team just won the match. The defending goalkeeper's weakest link was the dustpan. He could not manoeuvre his detergent well enough.

The cyber broomball game has ended and Ed felt tired. He sat down at his vibro-vacuum massage machine and clapped his hands. Efoc dripped into his mouth immediately as Ed just opened his mouth and enjoy the aroma of efoc.

Mmm… efoc! He just simply cannot resist the aroma of efoc. Ed started to reflect. Should he really move on with the technological advancement? Should he just give up his cyber broomball game and pick up the Barbaric-Beating-Each-Other-Up Game?

***

Night fell. The sun rose and the moon set. Alice grew to her unusual size again. Immediately, she went to find Ed. Ed was sleeping. Alice was annoyed. How can anyone sleep at such an ungodly hour?

I mean, it is only thirty o'clock! Who on earth sleeps at thirty o'clock? It is night time, it is bright and warm. How is it possible to sleep at such ungodly conditions? It is noisy. It is the time where the earth is the most populated. All the creatures come out to play. You must be sick to sleep at such ungodly hour.

***

The earth controller said, 'WE MUST HAVE BABIES!' He turned and looked the crowd gravely. His face solemn, his hair white, he looked as if he had not slept for ten years. 'WE, THE GOVERNMENT BODY, HAVE WORKED TOGETHER FOR DAYS AND NIGHTS. WE REALISED THAT WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH BABIES IN THE EARTH. NOTHING IS BEING PRODUCTIVE. THE FLORA AND FAUNAS ARE NOT BEING PRODUCTIVE. YOU HUMAN BEINGS ARE NOT BEING PRODUCTIVE. I THINK THAT THERE ARE EVEN MORE MOONLIANS THAN YOU PEOPLE.'

The crowd just remained silent.

***

Alice walked towards Ed. Slowly, step by step she walked.

'My my, this is so exciting. I do wish he will get a huge fright when I scare him up!' Alice sniggered to herself. Thinking of such naughty thoughts always makes her excited. You see, Alice is just a kid. You can't expect a kid to think like a philosopher.

BOO!

No reaction.

BOO!

No reaction.

BOOOOOOOOOOO!

Still – no reaction.

'Wake up Ed! I am here to visit you!' Alice shook Ed. Ed just rolled onto the floor.

Then, Alice saw something that she never would want to see in her entire life. It was the most gruesome thing ever on earth.

On Ed's neck, something white was oozing out. It looked like some white precipitate in a red solution. Slowly, these things just kept flowing out. Soon, it formed a pool round Ed. The white thing formed a wall around Ed (something like a dyke) and the red liquid just kept flowing and flowing and flowing. Ed was one quarter covered. Ed was half covered. Ed was three quarters covered. Ed is totally submerged into the red liquid. The white thing manifested itself and formed a white layer above Ed. When the whole process has ended, Alice knew. Ed has died.

Standing in the middle of the room is a white marble coffin. Engraved on the coffin was: "Ed Thomas. 19."

Alice just dug into her pocket. She pulled out a thick encyclopaedia and started to browse through it.

'Coffin… coffin… here it is. "When someone dies, the body will manifest itself into a coffin. There are different colours for the coffin and each colour would mean different things. Purple if you died of old age. Orange if you died of diseases. Blue if you committed suicide. White if you were murdered. Under the murdered category, it is sub-categorised into different parts. If it is marble, the person was poisoned to death. If it is Styrofoam, the person was stabbed. If it is plastic, the person was shot." My, my, Ed was poisoned! What in the name of the moon?'

Alice dug her hands into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She dialled the police immediately.

#$%^&*()(*&%$#$*()(*&

'Hello, the police force.'

'Someone's murdered here.'

'Alright, we'll send some men over.'

#$%^&*()#$%^&*(*&%