I watched several planes flew away off the tarmac. The afternoon wind blowing furiously against my face and chill seeped into my tiny jacket. I watched the passing people around me unconsciously. I let my legs wither in pain for standing for hours, I let my shoulders limp, I let my body shiver.
It was all due for me. It is my payment and it'll never be enough.
I looked at the time. The ticking watch mocked my ears and the sky line was turning into a humid purple and tangerine.
I took a shaky breath and time and time again tried to stop the impeding tears that threaten to break out of the corner of my eyes. I was slowly losing the battle of my tear drum. I sniffled.
I have no right to cry, shed any tear. I don't have the right to feel pain, remorse, or even guilt. I don't have a right.
There was a continuous rush of people. Coming in and out of the glassed panels. I watched each languidly.
In the teeming crowd I felt so alone. I could have felt warmth and belongingness but I… threw away the chance.
I stifled another sob.
I tried to stop my shoulders from shaking.
It was fruitless.
I said no to him.
I didn't know how I did it but I did none the less. It was true, I did.
I broke his heart.
A hand over my lips as I controlled the sob that was coming out of it, I felt a tug on my pants.
I wiped away the tear that made out of my tear duct. I saw a little girl with her pony tails sticking out of her head.
"I'm lost." She said with her pouted lips.
"I'm lost too." I answered and let out a mournful chuckle.
The little girl looked confused. She didn't understand how such a big woman can get lost. In her head only little girls would get lost, little girls who disobeyed mama not to follow the boy who was eating ice cream.
"Mama, told me we'll buy ice cream later." The little girl explained. "But I want to eat ice cream now."
"I know what you mean." I definitely know what she means and I know I'll be more of a loss now than I'd ever been my entire life.
"I should have listened to Mama." The little girl pouted and started to sniffle. She was trying hard to be brave but little girls' courage can only take so much.
"I know. We should have always listened." I kneeled in front of her and wipe her tears away. Then I felt her tiny hands on my face as well. She wiped another tear that rolled down my cheeks.
"I'll get you an ice cream and then we'll look for your Mama, okay?" I smiled at her as she took small breaths as if calming herself.
I smiled as I watched the little girl wave goodbye at me as she was carried away by her Papa and Mama. I waved back at her.
"You're still a cry baby." I stiffened upon hearing his voice.
I turned around and found him standing right behind me with his suitcase in tow in his hands.
"I know." I tried to smile. "I'm here to see you off."
"Figures." He gave me a lop-sided smile that didn't make it into his eyes. I cringed in guilt when I have no right to do so.
"How long have you been waiting?" He asked. I watched him move about his hand over the small packet he holds. He was still wearing that ring. The promise ring we both wore since a year ago.
"A couple of minutes ago," I answered.
"Liar," he chided. "You've been here longer. You were with that kid since an hour ago."
My eyes grew larger as I looked at him just to turn away.
"Yeah, I guess so." I shrugged.
He looked at me deeply.
"Why did you have to come here?" He asked. Immediate pain flew out of his eyes caressing my skin. Longing was there as well.
"Please." That's what all I said before breaking out into sobs.
He let go of the bag and pulled me into an embrace. "Ask me to stay, say yes to me… I'm begging you, Lore." He was hugging me so tight that I might as well leave an imprint on his body.
I was tempted. I was so tempted to utter the words he wanted to hear, not just because that's what I wanted to do but just to lessen the pain he's feeling.
But I pushed him back. I placed my palms to his chest and pushed him straight back.
I didn't give a care if I was sobbing and shivering in front of him.
I've been selfish enough, I can't be more selfish than what I already am.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Hector." Tears flowed without mercy out of my eyes and I saw anguish written all over his face. He hoped that I would change my mind but I didn't and I already regret it.
"Why did you have to come? You're so cruel."
"I know." I lunged into him and hug him so tight. I hugged him with all my might, breathing in his scent so that I'll never forget. "I'm cruel."
I grasped his hand and pried his fingers open. His hands stiffen knowing what I was about to do.
I fought to open his hands as he was weakening with grief and pain, I pulled that ring away from his hand. I grasped it in my hand.
I looked at his face and saw tears trickling down. God only knows how much it wrenched my heart.
My eyes can't look at him any longer.
"Kiss me, Lore." He asked. I didn't want to.
But I did.
I stepped in closer and cupped his face inside my hands. I ran my palms against his stubbles and traced the contours of my jaw. His eyes were closed as if embedding all emotions, sensations in his mind.
He was always the one giving me kisses.
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. It wasn't that pure first kiss, it was far from the hungry locks, and not even a tiny bit close to the passionate unions. It was just a kiss.
He didn't attempt to move against my lips but I knew because I felt his need to deepen it. I broke it right away.
"Good bye." I mutter as the call for his flight was heard. "Good bye."
As he walked away, my heart sank deeper and deeper to an abyss and I knew it will be really hard to save myself.
I made a mistake and knew it.
As I drove back into the night, I rolled the car's window. I pulled two glistening rings out of my shirt's pocket. "Will you love me again?" I asked but no one answered. He wasn't there anymore.
In that dark night two glinting rings were caught by lights as it flew separately into the ravine.
"Hell is on the bill, and surely I'm paying for it."
thank you for reading this series of one shots
finally it had come to an end.
its fairly short and lacks details to be a full pledge story
but still i hope that you all enjoy it as much as i did.