another year thrown away with the autumn leaves -
it feels like i've been worried about you for so long.
are you smiling too wide to create laugh lines that lie?
are you speaking too loud to drown out the memories
of telling me half your secrets? you said, "i'm afraid,"
and though i felt helpless, i never let you know.
now you say, "i'll never tell anyone everything,"
and i wonder who i am if you no longer need me.
it's been so long since you cut me open and left me,
licking my wounds in the hopes of healing them
before the scars set in. (they match your eyes.)
it's been so long since you trusted me enough to tell me
about the deep dark desperation inside you. and yet,
i can't trust you enough to tell you (that it feeds mine)
how much you mean to me because then you'd stop
hurting me and start hurting yourself even more.
i've pinned my hopes like a butterfly on your happiness,
because while you still need me, you have me, you know.
and i wish that you'd keep me and cast me away all at once,
dreading the day the sunlight breaks golden on your hair
and i watch you give someone the smile i saw once.
once in an old photograph, you smiled like the world was new.
when everything that's ever been (or could have been) has ended,
i know i'll finally be able to rip my heart (my self) free.
i need to know i haven't a chance before i give you up.