You have no idea. That feeling that you feel towards her- that's not love. You don't care about her, everyone can see it. She must be stupid, if she can't see it too. You cheated on her within two weeks of getting together. At first you said it was just sex, that it was no big deal-- then you said maybe you still liked that other girl..
That other girl was the girl that you nearly killed, when you said goodbye. She loved you. She still loves you. Minutes, hours, days, weeks, months go by and she still loves you. God knows she doesn't want to love you anymore, but she can't help it.
Don't you get it? You broke her. It's not like she's breathlessly waiting for you to come back and beg for forgiveness. Yes, she wants you to come back, but the first thing she wants to do to you when you come back, is make you hurt too. She's always been cynical, so it's not like that should be a suprise to you. She wants you to feel the pain in your finger tips. She wants you to feel like dying, when you aren't with her. She wants you to feel like shit when she isn't around. She wants you to realize how amazing she is; she wants you to appreciate her again.
Maybe she isn't the only one for you; but you're the only one for her. Why can't you realize that? Why can't you remember how she saved your life. You don't remember that, do you? She saved you, stupid, and this is what you do to her? You leave her broken, for men better than you, to pick her up and put her back together? She knows she deserves the best. It's not her fault she thought perfect was a relative term. You were her perfect, you idiot. She would've stayed with you until the day she died.
How cold is your heart that you decide on a moments notice that it's over, and you can't even think of a reason why? Or maybe you can, you just don't have the guts to share it. Your dick should be revoked. You aren't a man; you're still a little boy. You either don't know what you want-- or you found what you want, and you're scared of it.
"Give me some time." You whispered through the phone. That's right, you didn't even have the balls to do it in person. Is it because you were afraid you'd back down if you saw her face? You saw her later, you kissed her later, you held her, later. Why did you do that? Why, damn it? Why did you do that? You broke her, you confused her, you left in such a way that she could never have closure. She can't ever move on-- because you're it for her. She doesn't want you to be, but you are.
Smarten up already, she'll forgive you. You know she will. She'll hurt and she'll yell and she'll hit, but she'll forgive you. You aren't worth her forgiveness, but she'll let you keep coming back until something better comes along-- which it won't, because she won't let it.
For God's sake, don't try to take advantage of her, please. She won't realize it until too late that you're walking all over her.