Unbidden Thoughts

I wish,
that I'd let myself wish
for your death.
Not because I don't love you,
(I do)
but because Death is an End.

Death is Finality.
Death is picking
these splinters of pain from my flesh,
casting them aside for good,
and knowing
they will fester no more.

Death is Permission.
Death is allowing
myself to grieve
for what I know I've already lost,
and finding
a new beginning.

Death is Rest.
Death is laying
you in the ground
next to your mother, and her mother,
and praying
you're finally at peace.

I wish,
that I'd let myself wish
for your death.
But I won't.
Not because I love you,
but because Death is an End.