I'm over him.

Just when he might actually care again.

I'm over him.

I talked to the people around him today at lunch.

We didn't say anything to each other.

We just looked at each other. That said enough.

I got told to sit at his table for the Friends Of Rachel club activity. So I asked the first question on the ice-breaker list.

"Are you going to Semi?"

The guys around him all laughed and told me that Semi was dumb. I didn't look at the one I really wanted to hear the answer from.

"I am… but my girlfriend won't go with me."

My head snapped up, and he was already searching to meet my eyes.

"Why did you say that?" I thought. "It was a yes or no question…"

We stared at each other for a second.

"Were you trying to tell me she wasn't going?"

Nothing got said. Our eyes stayed locked.

After a moment, one of the jocks said something to him.

"Hey, isn't this that girl that wrote you the stalker-letter?"

"Shut up, Peter. That's not important."

His eyes never left mine when he said that.

"What?"

Then Brooke walked up behind him. She hugged him and said hello. His eyes flickered away from mine for only a second, but in the time it took him to greet her and turn back to me…

I was gone.

He looked around for me, but I wasn't there.

I heard the same guy who asked about my letter again.

"Dude, stalker-girl totally just ditched you!"

"Dude, I said SHUT UP!"

"Wow."

Then the bell rang. He stood up, and when he did, he caught sight of me.

Our eyes met again for a split second.

All he did was give a quick, short nod.

And then he was out the door.

I told my friend all of this.

She said "Wow. He defended you?"

"I guess he did."

"He really must care, even a little bit."

I thought about how my life was so complicated with this love for him… how if he didn't like me he shouldn't talk to me, how if he did actually care, why was he picking now to stand up for me, after making fun of me so much in the first round?

And when I thought about how much I should hate him, how much I actually love him, and the fact that he's actually caring now…

I couldn't cry about how conflicting it was.

Immediately I thought about everything that's ever happened between us. Good times, bad times, no times…

Nothing.

"Tiffany…"

"What?"

"I can't cry about this any more."

"Good for you."

"No, I mean at all. I can't cry about him, or how much I love him and he doesn't love me, or anything about him."

"What?"

"I'm out of tears, Tiffany."

"Well what does that mean for you?"

I can't think about it. It hurts too much to think about it.

But I can't make myself cry about it.

"I'm getting over him."

And it must be true. I can't even cry as I'm writing this, or reading it over. I can't cry.

Not at all.

I'm getting over him.

Just when he might actually care again.

I'm over him.

--

a/n: Oh my god. After three years of trying to be over him and failing... Right when he starts caring again, right when I don't want to be over him any more... I get over him. I can't believe the way life works out sometimes. But I can't cry about it. I can't even cry when I think about what this means for my feelings for him. If I can't cry when I think I'm not in love with him anymore... I must really be over him. I can't believe how I've been trying for so long by myself, and all along his help, his support, his care, was all I needed to get over him. Oh my god. It's over. It's finally over, and I don't want it to be.