Bob, The Happy Kid (theme song)
He's happy and sweet
The happiest kid you'll ever meet!
But, oh, no his mother
Don't treat him all that well
But Bob thinks that's just swell
Because Bob, the happy kid
Is the happiest kid you'll ever meet!
He has 101 enemies
And a friend
But this is where the song ends
Because no one pays us enough to
Sing about a freak
Who's happy about everything
He's Boobbbb! The….happy….Kid!
The Lucky Slippers
Bob, the happy kid
Alice, defender of the weak
= story and setting
Various Intrusive Characters (Bob's many enemies, a guy dressed as a shoe-sole, etc.)
[Bob is letting a bee sting him in the yard while his mom looks at her watered plants. A green shiny lawn stretches beautifully under his feet. It further progresses into the neighbor's yard but a brown six-foot fence blocks his view of it. All throughout Bob's smile never falters.]
Mom (a grumpy woman in a green dress sitting on a lawn chair and sipping on a glass of tea): Bob, get away from those plants!
Bob (happily): A bee stung me in the eye mom! It's fantastic! I have become a member of those that try to reduce the bee population of the world.
[Bob's left eye looks red and swollen]
Mom: Ohmygod! I think there's a fly in my tea! Oh, wait, it's just a grape.
Sister ( a pretty older teen girl wearing blue jeans and a yellow T-shirt as she comes out the house): Mother, where are my slippers?
Mom: Get your sisters slippers, Bob.
Bob (winks and gives a thumbs up to the audience): Yes! I have a chore!
[Scene change. Molly's room. Here we find a mess. Shoes upon mountains of shoes are thrown all over the place. Most of them are red slippers. The place has stains of pizza and soda pop on the walls and there's a variety of un-interested roaches running around.]
Bob (to no one in particular and with a most triumphant smile): The light of day shines upon me! I will rearrange the room and find Molly's slippers!
[Bob turns into a whirlwind. It swiftly roams around the room and next thing you know everything's sparkling, including a few hundred pairs of red slippers stacked up against a wall neatly and well-polished. Only two of the sets of shoes are blue.]
Molly (distantly): It's the red ones!
Bob (exclaiming): Yes! All the pairs are red! I have the honor of improving my choosing skills!
[Bob carefully chooses a pair of red slippers. He then walks down stairs. Molly does not even turn to look up at him.]
Molly: Those are not it!
[Bob beings a comical running up and down of the stairs at about fifty miles an hour. At one point two Bob's present the shoes to Molly, who keeps negating Bob's efficiency. Finally, Molly stops him.]
Molly (annoyed): It's my lucky slippers, Bob. I can't believe you don't know which ones!
Bob (happily): I shall investigate the nature of my forgetfulness, my beautiful sibling. If you'll excuse me, I'm off to find the lucky slippers!
Mother: Bobbbb! Take out the thrash!
[Bob's feet freeze in mid run. His smiling face does a courteous turn and he runs to the kitchen and back out in seconds with a twelve-foot black thrash bag in both hands. It's so big that four feet of the thrash falls off to the carpet when he walks out of the door. His neighbor and friend, Alice, meets him outside, all the while her foot taps on the concrete beside the thrash can. Bob sets the thrash bag down and opens the thrash can, then tries to put the thrash bag inside it but two feet of it overflows, spilling out a gross orange-brown goo.]
Alice: Bob, what are you doing? We were supposed to go to the arcade and fool old people into giving us money.
Bob: My life of crime must wait, Alice. I have to find a pair of lucky slippers, isn't it wonderful?
Alice: No, you don't. Your sister's just pushing you around. You have to stand up to her and tell her no.
Bob: Alice, why do you sound so sad? Can't you see it's a bright sunny day!
[It begins to rain suddenly.]
Bob (still happily): A rainy sunny day!
[Bob gives a thumbs up to the audience and the scene fades.]
[We appear with Bob and Alice up in Molly's room. There's a leprechaun there. His name is Jimmy the Evil Leprechaun.]
Bob: Look, Alice, it's our good friend Jimmy!
Jimmy (startled): What have ye doen wit me lucky shoes!
[Jimmy had demolished the neat stack Bob had made for his sister's shoes.]
Alice: He's a jerk. Don't you remember, he turned you into a chicken, Bob.
[Flashback! A small furry chicken plucks a the floor. Reality! Bob wipes a tear from his eye, however he does it without frowning.]
Bob: Ah, yes, the good times!
Jimmy: Look here ye'! I will have me shoes!
Bob: Look, Alice, he's offering to help!
Alice (producing from her back a previously unseen Smack-You-Meter, a long stick with a metal hand and a Stupo sensor in the middle. It's arrow pointed back and forth between a red dot. Apparently, it smacks people when they act dumb. The two ends of the Sensor read SmackBob vs. SmackBob'sWeirdoEnemy): I guess it won't solve all our problems but it'll make me feel better.
[Alice's Smack-You-Meter spins and smacks both Bob and Jimmy.]
Bob (happily): Oh, that sensation of sincere affection makes you a dear friend to me, Alice!
Jimmy: Ugh! Enough of this foolisness, girly! Where be me shoes!
[Flashback! This time we're in Bob's living room. Bob is talking to a guy with glasses dressed as a shoe-sole.]
Shoe-sole Guy: Bob, I want you to hide these shoes for me!
[Bob gets the lucky red slippers.]
Bob: (thumbs up to the audience and winking): Yes! I have a chore! Now to look for a dictionary and look up the word "hide."
Shoe-sole Guy: It means to put in a place where no one will find it.
Bob: But what if someone is looking for these?
Shoe-sole Guy: Don't tell anyone! Not even yourself!
Bob (smiling): Where, oh great smelly one, shall I hide them?
Shoe-sole Guy: A place where even you will not dare go!
Bob: Under my bed, got it!
[Reality! Back in Molly's room.]
Bob: I've just had a brilliant thought! The shoes could be under my bed where I put them!
[The Smack-You-Meter smacks Bob.]
Alice (chuckling): Haven't turned it off.
Bob (happily): Worry not Alice. The sting of the metal against my cheek has distracted me from the pain of my bee sting. The sensation was fantastic like a refreshing breeze!
[It slaps him again.]
Bob (still smiling): A refreshing breeze made of eye-gouging pain!
Bob (smile remaining): Let's not let our generosity get the best of us. To my room, Alice, and, uh, name starts with a J--(from the corner of his eye Bob notices movement of the Smack-You-Meter and quickly saves himself)--er, weird little elf.
Jimmy: I'm a leprechaun!
Bob: Yes, and I'm sure there's a cure for it, now let's move on!
Jimmy: Friggin' kid, it's not a decease!
Bob (winking at Jimmy): Yes, that's the spirit!
[The Smack-You-Meter slaps him again.]
Bob: Oh, what a wonder of science, may I see it, Alice?
[Alice hands him the Smack-You-Meter. Bob smashes it on the floor roughly all the while still smiling.]
Bob: Oh, no, Alice, some unexpected accident has occurred but worry not I have a book that explains the workings of this do-hickey. I shall fix it.
Alice: You smashed it!
Bob: Let's not dwell on the past. A promising future of experimental science and lucky shoes awaits us!
[We are now in the cleanest boy's room that ever existed. The shoes, baseball cards, laptop, video game counsels, ugly blue bed with pillows are properly arranged and they all shine with a glinting sparkle that dazzles the eye and brings wonder and joy to the mind. Bob points down under the bed.]
Bob: We are here. Now, Jimmy you may find the shoes there!
Jimmy (hesitantly): Eh, under the bed, ye say?
Alice, Bob, you hid them under your bed?
Bob (blinks once but his smile doesn't falter): Yes, as instructed.
Alice (with an eyebrow raised and crossing her arms): By whom?
Bob: The big smelly man.
mean, Wally, don't you? He dressed up as a shoe-sole again?
Bob: Your talent for ruining plot twists is unmeasured. I congratulate you on your success of the extermination of a key question that may have--
[Alice slaps him.]
Bob: Your eagerness makes me feel like I deserved it and because of this I loved it!
Jimmy: I ain't gonna go under dat thin, ye here!
Molly (coming in): What's the hold up, twerp?
Bob: They're under my bed, my beautiful angelic sister!
[Molly comes in and lifts the bed. There's a twirling void of black space there. You can see unknown stars and universes and shooting stars and hear a rocket taking off somewhere.]
Molly: MOM! Bob threw my shoes into a void of unknown space and time!
[Jimmy drools staring at Bob's sister. Bob notices. Molly leaves the room, upset.]
Alice (shaking her head): I hate her.
Bob: I see you have some uncanny and unique affection for my sister, Jimmy?
Jimmy (dreamily): Aye, that's a fair lady, yer sis.
Bob: Want to help her find her shoes? She might be so happy, she'll give you a hug.
Jimmy (excitedly): Let's get those shoes, boy!
[Bob lifts the bed and throws the Leprechaun into the void]
Bob: Good luck, Jimmy!
Jimmy (voice fading): You, no good………oh, my god is that my lost ham sandwich?
Bob: His eagerness to help has brought him unexpected rewards.
Alice (frowning): You do know it's not right to be jealous of your sister.
Bob: Your misunderstanding only makes our friendship that much stronger!
[Alice slaps him.]
Mother: Bob, come down here for your punishment!
Bob: Yes, another day of experimental pain!
Alice: See you, Bob.
[As she is leaving Bob grabs her hand.]
Bob: We were great today, Alice! And your slap awakened me to a sudden realization of un-natural joy!
Bob: I got stung by a bee, wanna see?
Alice: Ugh, get away from me, Bob.
[Alice leaves. End of Episode 1]