I used to be confident and loud. I was the kid who never backed down and always was just herself. I never wanted to be anything different. Not that it mattered, because I was like-able, and I had friends.

And then I found out I didn't. Damn near all of my facetious, lying little friends found me annoying. Too in their face. Too everything. I was just good for a punch line. I was good when they wanted to laugh at me behind my back.

I found out all of this at the end of fifth grade. And it killed me. I thought I had it all. Or at least enough to get me by. Enough to make me happy. I don't know if you guys have ever experienced a full-on blow to your system. But that was what this was to me. It started off slowly; I found out maybe one or two of my friends were laughing at me behind my back. Then, suddenly, I could see the smirks everywhere. And I felt alone.

First, I acted out. I lied to everyone. My mom. The school librarian. My teachers. Everyone. I became difficult. My mom kept trying to talk to me about how disappointed she was in me, how she couldn't trust me anymore. I tuned her out. Although I did listen when she slapped me, I was quick to dismiss it as a random act of insanity.

Then I withdrew inside myself. I stepped back and I was timid. I didn't want to be the butt of the joke. And I was hurting so bad. I had about two and a half real friends (the half is for the friend who liked me for me, but wouldn't stand up for me if it came down to it).

That entire summer, I hung out with friends a relatively little amount. I just wasn't in the mood. I wasn't dealing well. I even had my jackass of a brother worried about me; he offered to kick their butts. But strangely enough, my parents stayed in the dark. I think my mom wanted to think that she had her angelic daughter back.

Then came sixth grade and I did not want to go back and face all of them. I resolved to keep my head up and act tough. I wouldn't let them see that they had gotten to me. But I was too scared to say anything of real merit. I turned shy and only spoke to three people for basically the entire year.

By the middle of sixth grade year, my mom had noticed something was wrong. So, in her typical fashion, skipped the talking to me and opted for a possible solution. She wanted to send me to a private school. I was desperate enough to say yes.

The only thing people said to me when I left was, 'How can you leave Breanna alone?' Breanna was my painfully shy, best friend. She was perhaps the only thing that kept me going through this all. And to hear people talk to me like I didn't care about her, like they even knew her downright pissed me off. These people had never once spoken to her, except perhaps to ask her to borrow a pencil.

I gritted my teeth through it though, because even though I never wanted to see these people, I knew Breanna secretly wanted to be one of them. And if anyone deserved to be popular, it was Breanna. She was one of those people who just cared. Simple as that. She didn't even really have to talk to you about your problem to make you feel better. She was my rock. And I knew she would be okay. She had started making new friends. She didn't need me to hold her hand through the complicated world of social interactions anymore.

Anyway, I went to private school. I wanted things to be different. And they were, in some ways. But, it seems that wherever you go in life, there will always be those hypocrites who tell you how great you are, only to rant about you behind your back.

But I dealt with it. Not always in the best ways. I have struggled on and off with depression for the last six years. I even had a cutting phase. I cut mainly on my leg though. I cut my wrists once. I still have the scars. When people noticed, I told them a cat scratched me. Not sure why they believed that. I don't have a cat.

Despite the bad moments, I started to open up again. I started to trust again. I even started talking to my mom again. And I slowly began to heal.

And now, as I sit here, typing this on my computer, I could tell you that I've had some shitty times. But honestly, when it comes down to it, I wouldn't change a thing, because now I know when people aren't being honest with me. I know when they're talking about me behind my back and I no longer put up with that type of bullshit.

So I may not have the best inter-personal skills in the world, but I have a lot of great people in my life to help me with that. And when it comes down to it, that's all you can really ask for.