Author's Note: So, I kind of stole this idea from Lauren, but I was reading hers and laughing and giggling and junk, and I was like, 'My friends are just as funny as hers.
So, I started my own quote book.
Think of this as a dedication, Lauren.
Me: Seriously, if everyone in the world had your gap, no one would be unhappy.
Tara: I don't like my gap. Stop looking at my gap.
Me: I won't be at lunch today; I have to go to some seminar about diseased vaginas or something.
Mr. Green: …And that's why cars should be made of Nerf.
Weston: …It means that Mathilda can take a beating.
(He was talking about the asteroid 'Mathilda')
Me: Goddamn Walmart and it's family values.
Mr. Harding: (explains balancing chemical equations for the fourth time.)
Bonnie: Hah! David lost! Do it, bitch!
David: (mouth full of pizza) I was eating!
Bonnie: So! You lost, so you have to do it!
David: (sighs and makes a sex noise)
Mr. Harding: Did anyone do their homework?
Some Dude: Of course not.
(We're roaming the Christmas aisle at Walmart.)
Bonnie: …Where's the Hannukah aisle?
Me: Faythe, we've been over this before. I cannot eat with you sitting on my neck.
Mom: Did someone fart?
Me and My Sister: No.
Mom: Oh, well, something smells good, then.
Ms. Ramirez: Beasley, quit texting.
Beasley: (continues texting) What are you talking about? I don't have a cell phone. (still texting)
Covington: Beas, you're so badass.
Me: Do you shave your legs, Lee?
Me: …Alright then.
(We're listening to Britney Spears' new CD.)
Faythe: I love this song.
Me: Me too. It almost sounds like she isn't clinically insane.
Bryndan: Where'd everyone go?
Tara: Up your ass!
Chicken: My therapy yesterday was boring.
Tara: You shoulda stabbed the bitch.
Chicken: I tried. With a post-it.
Me: I need some colorful socks for my knee-holes.
Bonnie: Dude, Lunchables are so fun. They should totally change the name to Funchables.
Melissa: That makes it sound less fun.
Bonnie: Well, I'd buy funchables.
Bonnie: …That was like me telling you that your shoes are untied so the doors will purple all over you.
Bonnie: So, our mouse that we'll have joint custody of will be named Antoinette Suzwan.
Me: What if I dove headfirst into the koi pond?
Bonnie: Dude, I would pee. I would laugh so hard and there would be pee all over everything.
Bonnie: (tries to pelvic thrust, but messes up) Geez, I'm a little kinetically challenged today.
Melissa: Why are you eating cereal and dancing in a car?
Me: Why not?
Tara: You bring out the hurtness in us.
me: god, nothing.
but we are sitting
right next to
youre such a
Tara: fuck you!!