Note/Disclaimer: okayyy, so it's been a little bit. i've been putting this off a lot, but i finally finished. :) and NO REVIEWS FOR THE LAST CHAPTER. :| c'mon guys, i don't mind if you say it's bad or anything. i've gone through editing the back chapters a little, but i think i have a lottt of work ahead of me there. anyways, i just needed to say for those overprotective friends of mine, you know who you are *coughzachcough* that the last flashback is something completely fictional. so he doesn't flip out and all. so for everyone else, read, review, and tell your friends about this awesome book. ;D

Chapter Eleven.

They say time heals all wounds, but I just say that is a load of crap. It's not true, time just opens the wounds more. I don't care what anyone tells me, the time just makes me realize it's going to be a longer wait, if there's even a wait at all. At the same time, the longer I wait, the more I think he's winning the game.

I'm not the kind of person who shows feelings with their expression. No body knew about Gavin, Zach was the only person I'd confided in. Everyone else could find out when school started, which was faster approaching. I'd changed my status on my Myspace, as most would do after a breakup, and not a word from anyone. Maybe because I'd changed it at a time when no one was really on to notice, but still.

With school starting soon, and by soon I mean in less than a day, I started to make some more realizations; who would be my date for the winter dance? Or prom? That was the big one, and I didn't want to get all dressed up and look pretty for no one. And the worst thing was remembering the promise we'd made months before, that no matter what happened, he would be my date. Now I wasn't so sure that was going to happen.

Sure, we still talked. But it hurt so much, I wasn't going to lie. He didn't know it hurt, and I doubted it even hurt him. He called like nothing was wrong, and would say he missed me as if he was going to see me the upcoming weekend. But the good thing about phones was that the person could never see you cry when you whimpered a small, "I miss you too".

"God, why are you even with me?" Gavin asked angrily.

"Why the hell do you think?" I said, just as mad, although you'd barely realize it.

"Oh, I forgot. Because Aiden moved on and you needed someone to be with," he answered. He was at it again, bringing up Aiden out of nowhere. No matter what the problem, it was always because of Aiden.

I was red with anger, and if I wasn't so weak, I probably would have hit him. But instead, I just turned away and cried, and didn't speak for the rest of that night.

After about an hour of silence, he kissed my cheek when he'd thought I was sleeping. That was what I was waiting for, and that was the thing I held onto at these times.

I awoke Tuesday morning to my phone ringing, and I didn't have to look at the caller ID to know it was Gavin. I was too weak to just ignore it, I always answered when he called, and if I missed it, I would call him back. This was not how one was supposed to heal from a broken heart.


"Hi," he said. "You awake?"

"Well obviously, since I'm talking."

"Sorry, am I bothering you?"

"No," I answered. I knew he was about to just hang up, thinking he was just bugging me, and I didn't want to talk to him. He always put words in my mouth.

"I'll let you go," Gavin was predictable sometimes, "Have a good first day." He didn't even let me say bye. It wasn't really anything new.

I tried to forget about it, and focus on the fact that it was my first day of Junior year. I could start fresh, a new year with no strings.

Of course, it didn't even look like morning yet, it was still dark as it was at ten last night. It took me way too long to get out of bed and actually start to get ready. I had laid my clothes out last night, a basic pair of light jeans and a tee-shirt with a checkered hoodie. I didn't see a reason to dress up too much.

By the time I got out for the bus, the sun was actually beginning to rise. Zach, now a sophomore, was waiting at the bus stop. Punctual seemed to be his middle name. He had definitely grown since we first began waiting at this stop years ago, although you probably wouldn't even notice it, because he was still barely over five feet tall.

"Morning," he chirped.

"Hey," I replied back.

The bus came pretty early for the first day, but we got our seat together as we did every year, as if I hadn't been missing from the bus for months. We fell back into our old routines, including one I didn't quite want to return to.

"You haven't been talking to Gavin, right?"

I didn't even answer, I didn't need a fight with my best friend now. Besides, I knew the silence was going to be enough of an answer to rile him up anyways. And it only took a few seconds for my prediction to be proved true.

"Kaitlyn! Why would you put yourself through that?" he asked, with his usual fury in his voice. Just looking out for me, as always.

"I don't think you'd understand," I answered. I wondered if Zach had ever been in love. He'd only had one girlfriend, and it was in middle school. It was very short-lived, however. It lasted about one school dance and maybe a week after.

"You always say that," he noticed, "I'm not dumb, you know."

"Oh, I know," I replied. Zach was a straight-A student, he could probably get into Harvard early with his grades.

He went on, "So I think I would understand."

"No, Zach," I told him, "I'm sorry. You don't know Gavin. So you couldn't understand."

Actually, he probably could. I was too weak to just let us be done. But part of me felt like Gavin didn't want it either. I wasn't sure if it was me just lying to myself, or my mostly accurate intuition. I couldn't go without talking to him, I did owe him so much for helping me in the past. And just because two people were no longer together, didn't mean the love left with it. I'm not sure Zach would think the same way as I did.

Walking into another year of school didn't even phase me at this point. Now a junior, I knew where I was supposed to go, where I was supposed to meet up with people, and could easily pin point the scared freshmen.

Zach and I parted ways as we did every other normal day, and I stood near the doors waiting for Emily or Nicole or maybe even Kim to come. I watched what seemed like hundreds of people head into the school. Everyone, for the most part, seemed to dress up for the first day. I stopped doing that in middle school. It was just another day of school to me.

This first day of school morning was different. Neither Emily, Nicole, nor Kim came to meet me on time, because Aiden got there first. I didn't think anyone knew Aiden and I were talking again, so the sight of us hugging in the main hall might have been weird. During our hug, I realized he didn't know about Gavin. And then the thought popped into my mind.

Another fight. I was getting so used to these. Gavin was the jealous type, something I hadn't known about him before. However, he was only jealous over one person- Aiden. He didn't care about Marcus, or any other guy I may have liked in between, even if only briefly. It was only Aiden, and it was probably because Aiden had gotten to me before he had.

"I know if I wasn't around, you'd be with Aiden now," he spat.

Actually, if you weren't around, I'd be dead. It was the worst possible thought, but it was true, and I feared I'd never be able to tell him.

But why was I living for someone who was saying these things about my ex-best friend? And myself? I thought I swore never to be treated this way again after Aiden.

Like I said, sometimes I need to lie to myself to make me feel better.

Did I want to tell Aiden though? What if he got mad at Gavin, and now they would both hate each other, and it would yet again be my fault? But Aiden was my friend again, what I had been hoping for, and he knew everything about me. And if I didn't tell him now, he was only going to find out later anyways.

"You alright?" he asked, "You look a little zoned out."

"Uhm, actually," I started out, unsure, "I do have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

I shook my head, "Not right here." He understood, and we began to walk right away down some halls to where no one else would be- the technology wing hardly anyone went near in the morning. Sound familiar? That's where Aiden had brought me when we first met. Since then, there have actually been classes there, however, it still looks spotless and unused for some reason.

I recalled the first time we paid a visit to this hallway. At the time, only one bathroom had been finished and we spent our class period in there, talking. I remembered how happy he'd made me in those forty minutes, which was unbelievable seeing as I'd been wanting to kill myself practically that day. It seemed so long ago, like that person was not even myself. We both seemed to have come a long way after all that time.

"Well?" asked Aiden after a moment of silence, as he scrutinized me, "It's not Gavin, is it? Are you-"

I cut him off, "It's about him, yeah... We, uhm. Broke up." Aiden, a man of many words, seemed to be put into silence. "It's okay, I'm fine, I just thought I should tell you. You know?"

Even I almost believed it when I said I was fine. I guess my plan was working.

"Did you really? Why?"

"No, we didn't really," I droned with sarcasm, "I don't know why, we just did. And he still talks to me though."

"Well, at least you'll still talk to him afterward, huh?" he said, alluding to what I did to him months ago. I mean, what he did to me.

I shook my head, "It's just, I can't help it. If I could, I'd distance myself, but I'm not sure what would happen if I did."

"What do you mean?" he asked. I could see his emotions, in his eyes again, just as they always have. It was like nothing changed about his feelings, but he looked completely different. His hair was still short, which had been a dramatic change since we'd first met. He seemed to be so much taller than me suddenly, maybe a good half foot or so.

"I mean... I don't know," I lied again.

One thing didn't change about Aiden and I since we were apart. He always knew when something was wrong with me, whether I showed it or not. He could ask me if I was going to cry five minutes before I'd start to. He could tell I was lying about something when I didn't even know I was lying. That was something only a true best friend could do, and I had let that slip by me for six months. What could have happened between us in those six months? We will never know, and it's probably better that way.

"You sure?" he asked. Clearly I never meant it when I said 'I don't know', and Aiden picked up on that probably the first time I'd ever said it.

Truth be told, I wasn't sure what would really happen if Gavin wasn't around. I've said I would be dead- was that true? If I let him go, would I let me go as well? Would I live, but live unsure for my future? Or would it take such a toll that-

The warning bell rang, and I wasn't even sure where I was supposed to go. I checked my schedule I received in the mail; Chemistry. Great.

"We've gotta start hanging out more again," Aiden said casually as I looked over the schedule.

I silently agreed as we began to head separate ways. "When do you have lunch?" I asked quickly before I could forget.

"Fifth," he replied.

My nerves jumped with the realization that as usual, we'd be eating together again. "Me too. Text me before and I'll meet you?"

"Mhm," he nodded as I began to walk up the staircase. Aiden was in a class downstairs. "Uh, Kaitlyn, I think you forgot something."

"Oh? What?" I asked when I was halfway up the first set of stairs. He'd had his arms open and waiting for a hug.

Huffing at the fact I had to go back downstairs, I met him halfway and discovered even more of a change about him I hadn't noticed before; even in those six months, he didn't smell the same.

I then noticed that he, as a person, had changed. "Are you going to be okay?" Aiden had never really asked me that before, only the one time I fell on my head. This was not his fault, but he still cared to ask.

"Yeah," I answered. A lie.

As if we were still best friends, he recognized that He gave me a fake-half smile, which I had never seen him do before, and it was also one of the saddest faces I'd ever seen made, because we both knew neither of us could fix what had already happened, something he wasn't even responsible for.

"I'll see you at lunch," I said, attempting to get away before I began to feel too bad. He let me go and I made my way to my first class of the brand-new year.

The day seemed to go by without a problem. Everything was the usual you'd expect on the first day: Those annoying little question cards, and asking, "What did you do over the summer?" I spent every class praying they didn't ask me. I didn't want to remember, but I remembered everything in a flash second.

When it came to lunch, it was just me and Aiden. The school liked to make sure we were all in the correct cafeteria to prevent overpopulation, and thankfully we were in the same one.

Maybe it was just me, but when I was with someone I've known for a long time, I tend to remember who they used to be. I especially did this to Aiden. I could recall how, just two years ago, we didn't sit together, but he would come to me. I could remember the moments so clearly the way he'd some days sneak up on me and those those I'd waited and he never came.

Everything seemed to be different now. It was as if Aiden had pulled a 180- He wasn't who he was six months ago. He wasn't the guy who was fooling around anymore, he didn't tell me that things would be better off if I were gone. It was now as if Aiden was... nice?

"When did you break up?" he asked over a messy sub. It was like losing Gavin was just casual conversation, when it was anything but.

"Not that long," I answered, "A week."

"Oh," he sounded a little out-of-place. It seemed unusual for someone who was once so confidant about everything, to be quiet now.

"It's fine, don't even worry." I didn't expect Aiden to care much. I expected him to just say, "Oh, that sucks," and move on. Him dwelling on it was only going to make it harder on me.

What made it so impossible to leave Gavin? With Aiden, we just so easily stopped talking. Well, it took a bit of time to get over him, but I could ignore him without a second thought. Maybe it was because I'd always known he'd come back, no matter how much he'd hurt me. As for Gavin, I had a horrible feeling that if I told him to go, he would, and he wouldn't even look back. And leaving wasn't the forever he'd promised so many times before. It wasn't the promise I'd been so dumb enough to believe, but now it was the only thing I could believe in.

Every night seemed to become routine after I told Gavin I was afraid of losing him. There were constant fights, and he was always the one to pick them and I would never allow myself to finish them. He would be the one to storm out, or he would bring up Aiden. Any mention of Aiden signaled the end of a fight, because I would give up. It was the only thing I could give up on. Gavin would say I should just keep waiting around for Aiden, that I'd be happier with him.

"But I'm happy with you," I'd say. Why did I say that? I couldn't handle another fight, it was getting closer and closer to the day it all ended. What happened to the Gavin who saved me from Aiden, all he was now was someone who couldn't care less how much he hurt me, who'd watch me fall asleep crying, and would only remind me of what Aiden did. He said becoming friends with him again was only begging for it to happen again.

When I stopped letting myself fight back with Gavin, I stopped being able to talk to him all together, out of fear.


"meet me at the main
entrance after class"

It was Friday and eleventh period. It was already the middle of October and so far, the school year was off to an extremely slow start. Nothing big had happened in the past month, only the occasional calls from Gavin, with almost no promise left in us. I still hoped there was, but when all else failed, Aiden was my emotional punching bag. Nothing seemed to have changed.

One thing that also didn't seem to change was Zach. His overprotective mode was on high, and he was trying his hardest to keep me from talking to Gavin in any way, shape or form. But trying to do that was impossible, it was hard to not respond to his texts, which occasionally he finished with a heart. Within less than a day, I stopped even hinting or making a slight mention to Gavin, or my phone.

Aiden, however, didn't seem to mind whether or not I still talked to Gavin. He seemed very reserved when talking about him. It was as if he was hiding something he knew about him, but I knew better then to question him about it. Unlike Gavin, I didn't ask questions I already thought I knew the answer to, you never know what you'll find out.

Within the month, Aiden and I had already become best friends again, practically overnight. When I was around Gavin in the summer, I was careful not to text Aiden in case he got mad, but now we could talk whenever we wanted. And when he and I started talking, it would last hours. It was something I'd missed about us, I couldn't do that with anyone else I knew.

Anyways, Aiden had decided that we would be hanging out Friday night, but refused to tell me what was going on. Surprisingly, I wasn't too worried about what he had up his sleeve, considering his track record.

There was only a few minutes left of class, and I was shaking my leg in anticipation. It was odd, I was looking forward to seeing what he'd planned for us. Would we go to the mall as we used to, or maybe hang out at his house and watch a movie? Aiden always told me he had more movies than Blockbuster, but had yet to prove that true to me.

When the bell finally did ring, I was one of the first out of the classroom. I stopped at my locker to put all my things away, because God knows I'd never bother bringing my work home with me. On the way down to the entrance, Kim somehow found me in the crowded halls.

"Hey, whatcha up to this weekend?" she asked me casually, probably wanting me to come over sometime soon to hang out as we used to. We hadn't hung out in an extremely long time; I think the last time was in winter...last year.

"I'm going out with Aiden tonight," I answered.

Kim gave me a look that sent me back to my freshman year in an instant, it was the same look when I'd asked her if she knew who Aiden Cross was. "Why?"

"We're friends again?" I said, uncertain. I remembered telling her Aiden and I were good friends again, I wasn't sure what the big deal was. Unless... "You don't think I like him again, do you?"

"Well. You two, together? Friday night? You tell me."

"You can't be serious," I choked out a laugh, fixing my hair. A nervous habit. "Please, I might have forgiven him, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten anything."

Kim's trademark 'I don't believe that for a second' face made its reappearance. But it was true- it was impossible to ever forget that he was not only my first, but also the first boy to royally screw me over in one of the worst ways. No matter what happened between us from now until we died, I would never forget it. It would always be in the back of my mind.

"You sure?" she asked.

"Yes," I sighed, "I've forgiven him, but I'll always remember when I'm with him, I'm not as stupid as you think."

"Well then, if you really do remember, you'll know it'd be incredibly dumb of you to like him again, hm?" Kim crossed her arms in a threatening way.

"Please, there's still Gavin," I blurted. He was still up there in my mind, I was still waiting to be taken back. A wait that would probably require me to take a number.

Kim rolled her eyes, "Ever heard of a rebound?"

"Of course I have," I answered quickly, suddenly having a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. But for what reason? I wasn't planning on having a rebound, I had loved Gavin, and still did, I couldn't just go on like I hadn't. I knew a lot of people who could, and honestly I did wish I had that skill. "I'm not planning on getting one, so don't you worry your pretty little face," I kidded, "Aiden especially."

"Wouldn't bet on that one," she muttered. Then she realized I could hear her.

"Well, gotta go hang out with my friend," I put extra emphasis on the last word, which only made it sound like a huge lie.

I didn't understand what was so wrong with being friends with a guy. Just because someone hurt you didn't mean they couldn't change. Sometimes people did change, and I had faith that he had, and since June, he had proved himself. I did realize the risk I was putting myself in, but I was always throwing myself into some type of high risk. Aiden could tear me apart again if he wanted. I just believed that he wouldn't, I think I'd learned to feel that way from Gavin, which was slightly ironic.

Aiden was waiting right where he'd promised he would be. He was able to pick me out of a crowd I was stuck in in less than a second, it seemed. I could see the corners of his lips curl, just slightly, into a smile. The feeling was contagious, I found myself doing the same.

After a greeting hug, he said, "You ready?"

I nodded, "What are we doing?"

"You'll see. But for now we have some time to kill, so let's go." Aiden and I walked out the double doors together, a familiar feeling, we had done this so many times before. Before things went bad. It was as if nothing had changed between the two of us. We could go years without talking, but it would only take a day to fall back into step again. Although that would never happen, I knew we were close enough for it to happen. It seemed as if I was brainwashed to think otherwise. By who, I wasn't sure. Perhaps it had been Zach.

Apparently, forgiving Aiden was one of the worst things I could do in Gavin's book. The second I had told him, all hell seemed to break loose. He snapped constantly, saying I would probably just go back to him, and I should because I would be better off.

"But why bother?" he would huff, "He hated you."

The words stung hard. Once he said hate, he didn't even have to finish for the tears to come out thick. How could he dare say my best friend hated me? How could he say any of this? Why would he wish for me to move on to someone I once did care about, and wanted back in my life? Did Gavin even want me around anymore? Was this his way of telling me to get the heck away?

"Why would you say that?" I whimpered like a lost puppy.

"It's true," he spat, "When we used to be friends, it was all he could say about him. Then again, we aren't friends anymore because of you."

What happened to the Gavin that used to protect me? Who promised he'd try his hardest to keep me safe, and said that when I was ready to be friends with Aiden again, everything would be fine?

Why did he go and change into the person I was forced to run away from?

Somethings were always hard for me to talk to Aiden about, my love life being one of them. Granted, it was because it was hard to tell him that I had liked him, so talking to him about Gavin was completely foreign. I didn't want to tell him how good it used to be, because everything went a complete 180 not long after. It always seemed to happen that way.

But Aiden seemed to want to talk about it. He wanted to know why we broke up, if we were going to get back together, if we still loved each other.

"I don't think he ever did," I admitted.

"Are you kidding?" he nearly shouted. We were at his house, alone in the living room. It hadn't changed at all since the last time I'd been there almost a year ago.

"No... He didn't," I said, hoping somehow, we could drop it at that. I knew that only made it worse.

"He was crazy about you, he used to tell me, before..." he trailed off, and I knew he was referring to our blowout right before Gavin and I became official. Odd that the two of them felt two completely different feelings for me. Now it looked like they swapped feelings along with personalities.

I shook my head, "I just, I don't really wanna talk about it. You know?" It still hurt, so bad to know that it was all gone. The future I looked so forward to was now gone, and completely foggy. I didn't even have any plans for the next year like I had before, or at least I thought I had.

"Okay, I understand," Aiden said. I knew he didn't, but at least I knew he cared. I knew that Aiden had had his heart broken a few times, and I was there for him every single time. I couldn't help but remember one time, we made plans for us to just get married to each other if people kept hurting us. He never knew what he was doing then, however.

"I'm not so sure," I said it quietly, and I knew even he would not be able to pick it up, and if he had, he didn't say anything about it.

Two slightly long movies from Aiden's collection later, he told me it was time to go. He had been throwing me off the whole afternoon, trying to comfort me in his own weird way. He kept putting his arm around me, or hugging me. And a few times, I got a horrible feeling that we were just going back to that again. But we'd promised we'd be friends this time, and that was what he was being. At least, that was how I was reassuring myself.

"Time to go where?"

"Party," he said, putting on a hoodie he'd grabbed from his room. "I'm going to help you forget all this."

Forget how? True, last year I was a little messed up after being dragged into drugs by Aiden, but I was just as quick to get the hell out of there. My father's uncaring attitude and false world made me see that. Not to mention, Gavin used to tell me how he had to grow up with it, and he didn't want to be around anything like that anymore, as long as he could help it. So I stopped. But even now, half-wishing I could be over Gavin, I still did not want to do it. He sure left a lasting impression, and not exactly in a good way with some things.

"Oh. I don't know if I should," I said, "I've gone good girl now, if you haven't noticed."

"I noticed, but I don't mean we'll smoke."

He didn't say anything more on the matter. One of his 'friends', as he called them, picked us up a few minutes later and brought us to someone's house I was also not familiar with. I didn't really mind, as long as Aiden swore to stick by me. with our pinkies tangled, we went in.

It didn't take long for things to go downhill.

Music was loud and blaring, which was to be expected. Girls were practically whoring themselves out, which was also nothing new, and it would probably be talked about on Monday morning. I knew it was best for me to stay out of any of that kind of gossip, not that I would think of being a part of it again anyways.

Within a half hour, my thoughts changed. It was obvious that Aiden and I would drink a little, but one cup became two, then three, and soon things were getting fuzzy. As promised, Aiden stayed close to me the whole time, maybe a little too much so.

Once the fuzzies kicked in, so did too many memories to keep up with. I remembered The Day, with Aiden, I could feel the feelings I had felt for him at the time, I saw Gavin for the first time, the first small smile he gave me, the first time he'd touched me at the movies, the butterflies that lasted for so long, that still wouldn't leave after all this time. I remembered all the good things at first. Our spot, how we'd spend so much time there, just talking and knowing as much as we could about each other. I remembered our first kiss as a couple, and the butterflies that came then too. I remembered our playful fights, then some of our more serious ones. The guilt I felt for anything involving Aiden. The way he would bottle up his anger and burst after a few days. When I didn't talk to him for a whole day when we were together the whole time, in fear I would only upset him. And then, the worst memory.

"I am so sick of this," I finally had stood up for myself, after another fight about, guess who, Aiden. If I were any braver, I probably could have told him off for real. Months of pent up anger was most likely not good for me, at all, but I had a lot of it anyways.

"You are? So am I," Gavin responded, not even glancing at me. I couldn't help but remember when he would look me in the eyes at all times, even when I couldn't do it. Now it was hard for him to look, but I could.

"Well then," I started, "Why not just give up? Why not just let me go back to Aiden like you keep saying? Think about it, I could be so damn happy with him, bet I could kiss him all the time instead of you," I wondered if it was hurting him to hear as much as it hurt me to hear him say it. It did, because I heard him say stop, "Don't you remember, I don't know how to stop? Maybe I can even fuck him since, you know, I already did. Maybe that's why I can't with you."

I knew I was taking it too far now, so by the time I stopped, it was much too late, because I was on the ground. I didn't even realize what happened until I felt a stinging sensation where Gavin had smacked me.

I didn't move, and neither did he. Realization kicked in for him, too. He froze.

"Kaitlyn," he said suddenly. "I'm so sorry, I am. It hurts, because I love you." He held out his hand to pick me up.

Usually, holding hands with him would give me butterflies. This time I didn't have any. And I could no longer look at him, not even when I told him I loved him back.

"Aiden," I said as suddenly as Gavin had said mine that day. We were both a little out of it, but we knew what was going on for the most part. There were very few people in the living room now. It had been a few hours, and most people had either gone upstairs somewhere to seal the deal, or had left for another party.

I felt sleepy, and was slightly slumped towards Aiden, and he didn't seem to mind. I was a little giggly, so I started laughing when I said, "I just remembered this time where Gavin and I would fight over you, well it happened all the time, nearly everyday you know? He was all jealous about you and I and how we did it but I couldn't with him," I stopped laughing rather abruptly, "Then he hit me."

Aiden could take in what I said as if he was sober, "What?" he nearly screamed, jumping to his feet, "I'll kill him."

I laughed again, "No, no, it's fine 'cause he said he loved me and then we were fine and stuff. But we broke up so I think he doesn't mean it anymore," I went on, I could say everything in just one breath, "But I loved him, he changed me, you know? Hey Aiden, I stopped cutting myself months ago. I've been real good. Except today, oh man. I shouldn't have done this, what am I thinking? What are you thinking?" I was nuts.

"I was thinking how I could ever have been friends with someone who hurt my best friend," he said, sitting back down. He always sat so close to me. "You shouldn't wait around for it to happen again either, you're better than that."

"No, we're supposed to be together forever, we promised, so he has to mean it. He has to..." I drifted off, feeling like he really hadn't meant forever. "What if he never wants me again?"

Aiden said, "You find someone better," he was close, his solid brown eyes consistently looking into mine. It was hard to win a staring contest with him, he was always stronger than I was, "Who won't leave you. And will wait for you."

"Who would wait for me?" I laughed.

"I did," he responded.

"What do you mean?"

"I waited," he said, stating the obvious, "Until you were ready to be friends again. I still thought about you and wished I could talk to you, but it was better that I didn't."

In my slightly drunken haze, I understood. I remembered when I found out he told off some people talking back when they found out about our secret, his way of saying we'd be okay. I recalled Claire not being so happy with those rumors, and left him once again only a few days later. It was the only time I hadn't been there for him at a time when he would be upset.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you and Claire broke up," I blurted, even though I meant it.

"I'm sorry in general," Aiden said, "I'm sorry that I did that to you, I was a horrible person, but I've changed a lot, you know that, right?"

I nodded, "I've changed too so it's okay." His apology meant a lot to me, since he now knew how much it had effected me. It did suck that he had to say this while drunk, but I also knew that he was as honest as possible while drunk.

"No it's not okay," he said, "I was a bad person, and you were a good person. Now I'm good and you're hurt again and it's my fault."

"How's it your fault? It's mine for being with Gavin even while he was being a dick."

"If I hadn't hurt you maybe we could have been more, but I was too dumb to see what's been there."

I was starting to get lost with this conversation, "What?"

"I mean I've lost a lot of people, but you're the only one who came back and believed I've changed," he said. He seemed too close for comfort, and by that I meant I was used to it, seeing as it was Aiden. But something seemed off about his closeness. "And there's something that really has changed since then."

That was the last thing he said before he closed the space between us, sealing it with his lips. I knew this had to be bad, somehow. We had just became best friends again, would this ruin it all over again? Would it get too far, would we end up in an endless cycle?

For those few seconds, I had forgotten all about Gavin. But then came the 'oh shit' moment. What if he found out? What would he say? Who was I kidding, I knew exactly what he would say, nothing. Because he would leave for good.

The worst part was, I felt as if I'd betrayed the butterflies, because for a fleeting second, I thought I felt something else.