This is the first of the original chapters that I didn't have to shorten in some way. This one has to be from Corrina's p.o.v.
"Oliver! Open your eyes! Please! Wake up!" I cried out, viciously shaking him. He fell so pale…and his breathing was so slow…I couldn't lose him that way.
"Corrina…please….I'm conscious." His eyes were still closed and his voice was so faint…it was hard to believe. He almost looked like a child he had grown so weak… I couldn't remember a time he was so fragile. I tried to push the hair out of his face but it wouldn't stay.
I forced a fake grin to my face. What did I have to worry about? Oliver would never leave me, after all. He couldn't. At least…he said he couldn't. "Then open your eyes. Don't make me worry like that."
"No more yelling, little sister." His tone held a pleading I didn't like. Why couldn't he just open his eyes? "I'm tired. Let me rest." Tired…of course….he was ill after all.
He had slept so much already…"But you were asleep when I left and returned. You slept the entire day and you look so ill…if you do…you may not…"I stopped to choke back tears. I couldn't say it. The thought of it…I didn't want to go through that again.
"Then let it be." He said calmly, just like he had always calmed me. He was sick yet I was the one who was scared. There was nothing I could do for him. Not even when he needed it most. "No more tears. I knew from the beginning….and perhaps you did, too. It will be all right…."
How could he say that? How in any way would it be fine? "No…nobody else is left." My stomach knotted and my muscles went numb. It felt like all at once all the strength was drained from my body. If nothing else, all light was drained from my mind. It couldn't be real. "After mother died…" I grabbed his hand coddling it in mine. I couldn't make out full sentences. I couldn't accept it. "If you leave me, too…"
He sighed meekly, then wrapped his other free arm outward. I stared at it for a long time. Was he…really trying to comfort me when he… That's how Oliver always was. I thrust myself into his shoulder, burying my face in his shirt. "If you leave me, too."
"It's not only a possibility anymore. I'm tired…..but please, I beg of you, don't cry for me now. Is this… how you want our final moments together to be spent? Memories are what keep us alive forever, especially when there are so many to lose." He captured my thoughts perfectly. We always did have that bond between us. "I…I have no desire to live after death through your tears. Can we spend some cheerful moments together? As we used to?" There should have been something for me to say. But I was wordless. "Please, I never wished to cause you harm, but…we must all go home someday. It changes nothing. Even when we're apart…we're still family. And I know mother smiles down on us still…as does father. You're never alone. I never wished to cause you grief…" He spoke with such guilt it made me cry more. I never meant to make him feel like that. But I couldn't…
I tucked my head further into his shoulder. "And you never did…"
One last lighthearted grin came across his face as his voice grew even weaker. He always gave me that look when I was troubled…it was always his silent way of saying everything would be all right. "I feel nothing bad now…so neither should you….Remember times when we were littler?"
"Oliver…" My voice was muffled by his shoulder.
He tried to turn his head to face me. "Think back now…to that final picnic that we all shared. You remember the one?"
"Of course…" I managed to stop crying for the moment. I needed to be strong for him. It was my last chance to, for once, do what was needed for him. I wanted him to know peace, so I wouldn't make him in… he couldn't be the one to comfort me when… "I could never forget. It was the last time we saw father before he went out to war. It was…the last time we were all together.""We were…happy." He struggled to annunciate his words. "That's what…makes final memories so special. The joy… joy behind them. Think…of that day. How spoiled it would've been by tears." He was still going to try to be my older brother…even then. "I will always be with you… This is by no means goodbye. And when… you see me again, we will all be together again… just like on that day. We will rejoice. Don't think of my leaving…think of our reunion."
"Oliver… I love you…" I tried to think back to that day but it only made me want to cry more. It was so far gone in the past it came to me like a distant blur. It was a horrible feeling. I couldn't let Oliver become a distant blur, too. I just couldn't…I felt like a small child. I used to huddle on his lap whenever I was scared and as an adult I found myself doing almost the same exact thing…huddling on his shoulder.
Those grey bliss less clouds ripped open and led the sky in the most ancient of rituals. The thunder rolled like the beat of a drum as the lightning danced through the rain. As I cried, it seemed so did the heavens and the wind sang a dirge of the dead. I knew, somehow subconsciously, as the wind and the rain and the thunder rolled and the lighting lit the way, that the heavens had opened the sky for Oliver, leading him into his final peace.
A small forlorn grin came to my face as I sat alone, holding the hand of a corpse. "So long for now…brother…" I had to set his hand back down on the bed, one last time.
I heard the door open slightly and someone stepped lightly across the creaking floor. I felt someone gazing warmly at me…It was Sebastian. He knew without me saying a word… I turned to face him. I didn't know what else to say… "He died…"
He came up to me slowly, then wrapped a single arm around my shoulders. I could see under his hood, for the first time…It was like he understood. I didn't know what to do, I sat there, wordless and motionless, before I finally leaned into him. He gripped my arm tighter, speaking softly to me. "And that is why it rained, my girl."
Everything came into my mind at once….Oliver was gone…and there was still the farm…the animals…the crops…the stand… I couldn't do it on my own. I didn't know how to do anything on my own. I couldn't let everything else die, too… Oliver would be so disappointed in me. "What am I suppose to do? Oliver was all I had left I…I have no way to even care for all the animals and crops. I…" I choked up again and had to swallow hard.
"Must you think of this now?" He spoke with a low tone. "Give yourself time to heal before you attempt handling something else. I know it sounds almost cruel, but a new meaning will come with time. You much give yourself time. It is a strange thing, but life has a habit of making everything work out in the end."
I wasn't sure it would for me. "I have no time to wait! The animals…the crops…they all need to be tended to on a regular basis. It's all too much for me…"
There was a long pause before he responded. He sighed as if contemplating then spoke as though he were going against his better judgment. "If you so desire, I could stay a while longer to help you become more accustomed to the chores. You were helpful towards me. Allow me to return the favor."
I couldn't believe what he was saying. Especially after how I had treated him just a short while ago. "Sebastian… You owe me nothing. Thank you…I ap…" And he wouldn't even let me apologize?
"It's not necessary. I know I must be a suspicious sight. I doubt lying helped much. You acted like a sensible person would have."
His gesture was a nice one but still it didn't solve much. "After you leave…I will be alone again.
He grinned at me, almost in a sympathetic way. "Do you always think so far into the future? It only makes life that much more of a chore. Take life as it comes. You can never predict what will be, but you can take your own sanity trying."
So many things happened that I would never have expected…I glanced back at Oliver, my shoulders hunching. "I know…"
"We should bury him." He mentioned it first. I knew it had to be done but I didn't want to accept that he was really gone. "Is there a particular place that you two shared? A place he was fond of?"
There was only one place I could think instantly. But I knew it was the right one. "When we were younger, small children still, there was a place on the edge of the forest where we always played. Mother scolded us profusely for it, but we always went back the next day. The only time we were allowed there was once for a picnic, but still…it was our favorite spot."
He nodded. "Then that seems like the place where he would want to be laid to rest. A place where his soul was at peace and sincerely happy."
I sat quietly, my legs folded underneath myself with Sebastian sitting next to me. He stared at me, noticing there was something I wanted to say. I didn't know why I wanted to talk about it, but a story came to my mind. "There were a lot of rabbits in the area. The one time when we were playing there, we actually found a baby rabbit that had been separated from it's mother, so we watched it for half the day to make sure no harm befell it. Then finally they were reunited. That was how Oliver was. He always wanted to make sure nothing was in harm or in need. He was always looking out for someone…he was always looking out for me…right up until his last moments…"
He pulled me closer as I began to sob. I could feel his heart beat faster and faster beneath the cloak. There was a certain sad quality in his voice that made me comfortable discussing such things with him. He knew what it was like… "See the rain? Almost everyone I ever spoke to had nothing good to say about it, but you know what? Where would we be without it? There would be no crops, no flowers, trees. It brings life through its darkness." I was mesmerized by his words. There was a truth to them. But it didn't lessen the pain. "Without it, the sun's warmth would be nothing to us, because nothing would be another possibility for the daytime. It really is just a cruel balance. Love is an appreciation of having someone in your life, so isn't it true that we can only feel love because we can also feel the pain of losing that same person?"
"It's still hard…"
He rubbed my shoulder and sighed. "By no means is it ever easy. We're given one life to live but so many others to lose. Still, I think you already know he would never want to see you suffer like this."
I knew Oliver would chide at me for acting so…but I couldn't help it. "I know…I just miss him already."
Sebastian stood up. Whether I was ready to let Oliver go or not…I didn't have a choice. I didn't want to be pushed into it but I knew I had to be. I had to let Oliver rest…it was the last service I could do him. Sebastian looked at me and knew I was hesitant for what came next. He took my hand and I stood up close to his side. "If you show me the spot, I will help you."
I nodded my head sullenly. "Okay."
The rain came down heavier than ever as we buried him underneath the large willow tree. The place had remained exactly as I had remembered it. Through the rain I could see happy silhouettes of two parents and children much younger than myself sharing a moment together. A happy moment among the trees and rabbits. But it all faded into the twilit world that I had to accept. Good memories and bad, I would keep them all. I refused to let any of the three of them truly die.
The limbs of the old tree cast an even heavier shadow than the clouds, and it seemed to hover only over Oliver's grave. It was fitting. Both my mother and my father's grave laid to the side of his, well worn over. His was marked by the gloom that hovered over it, symbolic that he had joined the world of silhouetted memories. And for a moment I thought I saw all three of them standing there through the corner of my but they faded into the shadows too quickly for me to be certain.
I held an old fishing rod tightly in my hands. I didn't want to set it down but I knew I had to in order to truly let Oliver rest. I took a deep breath and laid it down on the fresh dirt mound and backed away. "I know it seems like a weird item to lay at a grave, but it was one of his favorite things to do…and I know he would want it in the next life."
"It makes more sense than you than you think it does. After all, it is an object of meaning to the deceased."
"This is the tree we played under the majority of the time. " I looked up at the majestic willow, still standing firm after so much later. "Even after so many years, I still remember it. It must've been a good seven years since we were out here last. Still, if there's a place he would rather be buried, it stays from my mind."
"I'm sure you were right." I felt his gaze shift from the mound to me. I shivered and crossed my arms over one another in an attempt to stay warm. I didn't much feel like being watched. "You look cold." He addressed me.
"…A bit…"
"…Here." I felt him wrap something warm around me and I clutched it tightly to my body. At first I didn't realize what it was but when I did, I had to turn around in disbelief. It was the first time he had let me see his entire face, and I was wrapped in his cloak. What stood out first to me was a long, bleeding wound extending from the top of his ear to his cheek. My hand lingered over it. I couldn't deal with another person being sick or injured.
"Sebastian…what happened?" I looked into his piercing, brown eyes. His face was slender with black hair falling wildly around it. But around that one area all the hair was matted from blood.
"It's nothing." He lied, trying to duck away from my hand.
"No…it's not…This is new…"
"Whether its new or old its still nothing."
I knew something must've happened for it to be that big. "How did it happen? It looks deep."
He smirked then shrugged. "Heh. I'll put it this way; chasing Tabius unarmed was a bad idea."
He showed no signs of a willingness to explain further. But that wasn't uncommon for him. I didn't know if that was just his natural demeanor or if he did it purposely. "Is that all you're going to tell me?"
He nodded then grinned. "That's all you need to know. That's why my sword is my constant companion." He paused. "It will get easier. I promise."
"You could see me crying through the rain?" But I suppose it didn't take much to know.
"I could hear it in your voice."
I lowered my head. I'd be like that for a while and I knew it. Just as the shadow cast over the grave, it was cast over my heart as well. "He was my brother. I can't help it…"
Sebastian's head tilted and his brow furrowed. "Was your brother? He still is. You said he was always watching after you. Now he's just watching over you."
"I guess…" It was little comfort with it being as early as it was. "Do you love him any less?"
"No! Of course not!" My shouting scared the birds so that they flew from the branches towards the only opening in the forest that allowed in some light.
"Then nothing has changed, really. You're only temporarily separated, remember. You'll see him again."
I knew what he was true but I wasn't ready to move on to that point yet. "I suppose you're right."
He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, letting the rain fall from his face. There was such a morose look to his eyes but I took comfort from them. What he told me came from his heart and his words weren't those just thought up as some fairy tale to entertain a child. Maybe someday, it would be easier. But not now.
"Sebastian?" I said his name. His countenance had fell into a trance like appearance.
He turned back towards me. "We should return to the cabin. The rain has no intention of stopping any time soon."
"That would probably be best."
Sebastian fed more fire to the hearth the moment we got back. We sat around it, trying to dry ourselves. We sat in silence for a long while. The pattering of the rain faded into the crackling of the fire as we turned away from the dreariness of the outdoors to the warmth of the inside. Yet it still felt empty. It would for a while.
I couldn't stop thinking about it. "This is so strange…I never thought he would…not this soon."
Sebastian looked up at me, the understanding still clear in his eyes. "Life takes turns that we can't predict."
More thoughts ran through my head. Many of which I wasn't proud of. "So much happened here…. This is where I grew up, but… it just makes me sad to be here. Does that sound horrible?"
He shook his head. "No. People naturally don't like to be places where they experienced misery."
It was everything in the present that went along with the memories that bothered me. "I know that I'm not strong enough to do this on my own….I wish I could just leave."
Sebastian closed his eyes and I watched him. He let out a long breath, then tilted his head. "This is an idea you may take interest in or otherwise loathe, but I may as well bring it up. You say you wish to leave here? I constantly travel. Though I get into occasional predicaments, you would find yourself safe and perhaps less nostalgic. If you wish, you may come along with me."
I couldn't believe what he was proposing. I couldn't put that burden on him. I knew hardly anything of farm life. I knew even less of a traveler's. "I would never be able to ask something like that of you. Especially not after being such a wretch."
"If truth be told, how you acted for that small period is how the average person always treats me. I really take no offense to it anymore. I've traveled alone for quite some time now. Maybe it would be nice to have a companion again."
I hadn't ever left the village before….and I knew I couldn't take care of the farm. As much as I should've hated the idea of imposing on someone like that, it actually made me a little happy. I couldn't do anything but thrust my arms around his neck. He seemed uncomfortable by it but I didn't care. "Thank you…I'm amazed you could show this kindness to a stranger…and…I hope by accepting your offer I'm not taking advantage of it."
He grinned as he pulled away from me. "If that were so, I wouldn't have offered, now would I?"
Then my original thought came back. I still couldn't just leave everything else to die. "Still…the animals, the crops…I have to do something with them…and I can't just abandon Abel."
His interest perked at the mention of Abel's name. I'd forgotten I had never introduced the two. "Your dog?" Sebastian asked. He continued as if he already knew. "You can bring him along, too."
"Really?" Abel would be yet another to worry about. I knew I was being a nuisance but I couldn't just leave him behind.
"He's the beagle I've seen running around, right? They're naturally good hunters."
Sadlly, that wasn't what Abel was at all. "Actually…he's a fisher." My mood sunk again. "He used to go with Oliver all the time."
Sebastian saw it fit to change the topic. "Regardless, he has four legs and the ability to walk. I see no reason to leave him behind."
There was a question that had been nagging at me and I was almost afraid to ask it. I knew how found he was of my constant asking and there was a chance that I would touch a sensitive topic, but I felt that I had to. "Sebastian?"
"Yes?" He watched me expectantly.
"Do you have any family?"
His face contorted a bit. I felt bad. I shouldn't have bothered. "I suppose we all have family."
But he wasn't rejecting the topic. "Are any of them living?"
"No. All are deceased." He answered bluntly, quickly looking away.
I looked down at my hands. My curiosity was driving me to ask things I shouldn't. "How did it happen?."
His tone grew sharper. "It bares no relevance now. It was many years ago."
I shouldn't have brought it up. "I understand if you don't want to talk about it. My apologies for bringing it up."
There was silence. "No. It was during a robbery. It's not as much a tether to my soul as it once was."
"A robbery?" We hardly ever had anything like that happen in our village. I guess the entire concept to me seemed like a rare one.
"Some rogues broke in during the night. I was only eight. My sister and I escaped. Everyone else was murdered."
It made sense then why he understood. He mentioned his sister. There wasn't anyone else with him but he said she had survived. "How old was she?"
"Five. She died four years ago while traveling with me. She became ill and the disease overtook her. I've traveled alone since." His story was a very familiar one.
"That…it sounds horrible…you were only eight?" I could barely deal with the death of my father and after that they all came one at a time…but for him to lose almost everyone all at once…and then to have his sister die and stay alone since…that was the fate I feared.
"Yes, it was. Eleven years later, it became a thing of the past that would come to exist only in memory. The same will happen for you. There is no other way if you're to continue to exist."
He said it didn't bother him. But his face said otherwise. He was lying again. "I don't believe you."
He looked back at me, slightly confused. "Pardon?"
"I don't believe that you were telling the honest truth when you said that it doesn't bother you anymore."
He stared at me, his face unchanging. "Of course it still bothers me slightly, but nothing like it did in the beginning."
"How do you just forget something like that."
He sighed. "You don't just forget. You have to accept it as a memory and nothing more and keep acting as though you were normal. We have no choice but to move on. What will be will be and so be it. It's beyond our power to change that."
I had to grin as I repeated it sentimentally. "What will be will be. Oliver said that same exact thing so many times before."
He grinned. "Then there must be some truth to it."
"Memories are what keep us alive forever."
Dedicated to Arthur, Philip, David, Sally, and Russel because memories are what truly keep us alive forever. You left this earth too quickly for me to have ever gotten to know you as well as I would have wanted but without the blessing of getting to know you at all I would have been left with a void that would remain never to be filled.
May you live on.
With love,
Katy
You walked faster down the trail than I,
But please spare a passing glance,
And occasionally come back,
To walk step by step,
In harmony with mine,
So that I know,
I'll never be alone.