One day in the sleepy town of Snoring, our hero, Goodlooking Man, was strolling merrily along a sidewalk, whistling to the tune of "My Girl" by the Temptations. He was rudely interrupted by the Notorious Blob, also known as the Amoeba, who was terrorizing the citizens of Snoring.
"Not to worry, good citizens!" Goodlooking Man shouted. "I'll blind the beast with my shiny teeth!"
Goodlooking Man power-walked to the Notorious Blob and smiled his most breathtaking smile. Sunlight reflected obnoxiously off of his pearly whites.
The great beast gurgled and bubbled in anguish. He would have shrieked if he had been equipped with the appropriate vocal appendages. He dropped the citizens he had planned to devour and proceeded to leave as quickly as his gelatinous fat could allow.
"Thanks Goodlooking Man! Whatever would we do without you?" one of the grateful citizens exclaimed.
"It was nothing. It must be true what they say about smiles making the world go round," he said as he dramatically brushed back his attractive bangs, and smiled widely.
The citizens he had just saved swooned and fainted on top of one another and lay in a contentedly dazed heap.
Once again we find our hero strolling merrily and whistling, when suddenly his heart is struck by the sight of Lady Do-Good.
In a desperate attempt to impress her he helped all the little old ladies of Snoring across the street, bought 100 boxes of girl scout cookies, and gave $500 to a local charity. Lady Do-Good heard of his good deeds and sent him a letter of thanks. However a letter could not do his desperate heart justice. He was more determined than ever to win her affection.
Amid his brainstorming for the perfect good deed, which was difficult because although he was gifted with good looks he was not gifted with an equally spectacular brain, he was met with another foe.
Distraction Man stood happily making as much noise as he could, staring Goodlooking Man in the face.
"Excuse me, sir, do you think you could stop making those distracting noises just for a moment," Goodlooking man queried politely. "I was in the middle of a thought."
"I'm terribly sorry," Distraction Man lied. "I just wanted to let you know that-" Just then, he gasped.
"What is it?" Goodlooking Man asked concernedly.
"Goodness me, there's a large truck headed towards a little boy on his bike!" Distraction Man exclaimed.
"WHAT?! WHERE?!" Goodlooking Man cried.
Goodlooking Man looked all around but the street was empty, there was no little boy on his bike, or a large truck. Puzzled he turned back to ask the man who had made the noises where he had seen them, but he was gone.
"Drat. What was I thinking of? I know it was important..." he pondered.
Distraction Man cackled in the distance.
Still wondering what it was that he was thinking about before, he decided to visit Lady Do-Good.
"Well, hello Goodlooking Man," Lady Do-Good greeted.
"Hello Lady Do-Good. I wondered if you could help me with something," he explained.
"But of course! What is it?" she asked, eager to do some good.
Goodlooking Man told Lady Do-Good of how he had met the strange man who had made loud noises and told him about a truck and a boy that didn't exist.
"He must be Distraction Man!" she shouted.
"Distraction Man? Why yes, he does seem the type doesn't he?" Goodlooking man considered.
"You must go after him at once! Think of all the destruction he could cause in students, writers, and drivers!" she fretted.
"Not to worry, I'll dispel him with my devilishly good looks!" he reasoned.
After having reassured Lady Do-Good, Goodlooking Man set out to find a pair of black leather pants, a black leather jacket and hair gel. He found what he required at the local SuperStore. After donning his newly acquired items, he went to find Distraction Man.
It didn't take long. The next time Goodlooking Man found himself thinking of Lady Do-Good, Distraction Man was there to distract him (for he secretly had a crush on her too).
"I am hereby shunning you with my powers of devilishly good looks, Distraction Man! No one can compare!"
Distraction Man found himself feeling rather dejected. He looked at himself and then at Goodlooking Man and sulkily sloughed away.
Lady Do-Good swooned. "Oh Goodlooking Man, you've saved us all!" She embraced him and he smiled broadly.
For a change of pace, we find our hero taking an afternoon jog in the park when he abruptly runs into a tree. Standing up woozily, he held his head and sat down on a nearby park bench. Sighing heavily he stands up and returns to his jog. He tries to enjoy himself. When suddenly is hit by the handle end of an inconveniently placed garden rake. Groaning and holding his head he wonders how many more things can hit him in the course of five minutes. But inevitably, because he thought this, a nearby pigeon decided to relieve itself above his head.
"Curses! Whatever could be causing such rotten luck?" fumed Goodlooking Man.
The Lady Narrator snickered. Receiving no answer from the citizens walking their dogs in the park, nor from the irritating birds above him, Goodlooking Man huffed off to find Lady Do-Good.
"Oh my! Whatever happened to you, Goodlooking man?" gasped Lady Do-Good.
"A slip of fate, my dear Lady. I was hoping you could help me fix my terrible luck," he pleaded.
"But of course! Here, you must let me think a minute," she replied.
While he waited, Goodlooking Man managed to slip on three banana peels, run into a light fixture, and lose his wallet.
"I know! It must be the Lady Narrator!" Lady Do-Good deduced.
"Great. Now what?" Goodlooking Man croaked from underneath a fallen piano.
"Well you must find a way to please her, of course!" she replied.
Disheveled and thoroughly worn out, Goodlooking Man fell to his knees and pleaded politely.
"Lady Narrator, have mercy on a privileged soul, if it pleases you," he begged.
And The Lady Narrator smiled on him and gave him her forgiveness, although he had done nothing wrong.
Lady Do-Good and Goodlooking Man rejoiced and all was well in the Sleepy town of Snoring.