Forget Love Potions, Pudding Is Where It's At
Written by: Effay
Date: Friday 19th December, 2008
Summary: It all began with a pudding... [dedicated to bi-curious george]
Yes! I silently cheered in my head before racing down the aisle of the supermarket with my trolley. Vroom, vroom, vroom! I made Formula One driving sounds in my mind as I happily sprinted my way through the store, much to the indignant squawks of the old ladies and frightened stares of random Christmas shoppers. I slowed down though eventually, peering up at the signs over each of the aisles as I searched for the specific ingredients that would ultimately be my secret formula for an amazing Christmas dinner party. I could just see everyone talking about it afterwards, God, that Charlie knows how to throw a good party! He's a real partier, a real on-the-edge party-thrower; he's like the king of party-throwing...ooh! Rainbow cookies! I let out a small squeak of delight as I pounced on the yellow packet decorated with yummy, coloured cookies. Everyone loves a good rainbow cookie every once in a while! Tossing it into my trolley, I strolled out of the aisle into the next one, my eyes immediately bugging out behind my large glasses. How could I have forgotten?! Of course I'd need some pudding! I smacked myself on the head for forgetting before sighing and pasting a big smile on my face. Thank goodness for fate because if I hadn't turned into this aisle and saw that singular tub of rich, delectable Christmas pudding just calling my name, I would never have gotten it and my party would have been ruined! I would have been booed out into the streets I'll bet for forgetting such a sacred Christmas tradition.
Smiling and nodding pleasantly at the old couple who were shooting me evil looks (god knows why though! I mean, it's not like my hair is orange like it was last week. I dyed it green to get into the Christmas spirit.), I suddenly noticed someone with a basket entering the aisle from the opposite side. He was walking towards the shelf I was walking to and grinned at me. I smiled back at him politely because of course, that's the courteous thing to do though I started to walk a little faster anyway, glancing at the guy walking to me. He was really tall with blonde hair. Yawn, how boring! I wonder what he'd look like though if he dyed his hair pink and got a little of a fringe...I shook myself out of my reverie. I always forget that I'm not at the salon. I noticed the guy pick up his pace a little and as a result, I picked mine up a little more so it probably looked like I was a crazy speed-walking shopper. I nodded at the guy though my eyes had begun to dart from the last, solitary pudding sitting innocently on the shelf to the pick-up-the-pace guy and back again. I licked my lips, certain of his goal. I'm sorry dude but I'm not going to go down without a fight. This means war! I broke out into a little jog-slash-speed-walk. Whoever this buffoon is, he isn't getting my pudding! I suddenly screeched the trolley to a halt, feeling a little triumphant that I was there just a little before him though with me being short and having to come around the trolley, it ended up being that we both laid our hands on that lonely pudding at the same time. Bringing it down from its place on the shelf between us, I smiled widely at the guy who fake-smiled back at me, the little bitch. Nobody fake smiles at me! I'm so adorable, people genuinely love me!
"Hi." I said through gritted teeth as I tried to pull my hand back with the pudding but man, that guy must have Spiderman as a father and an octopus for a mother because his fingers were still tightly grasped around the wrapped up tub though I had pulled kind of hard. His fingers must have amazing suckage power! I fake-smiled back at him and even faked a light laugh. Take that, bitch! I tugged again at the pot, surprised to see he still wouldn't let go. He should have let go! He should have and then cowered under my strong, amazing prowess and then bowed to me and begged for forgiveness for daring to even look at my pudding!
"Hello." His smile grew wider revealing perfect, gleaming white teeth. I hate people with teeth better than mine, all because I just maybe, kind of, possibly, occasionally forgot that I had to put a retainer in my mouth for a few days...or maybe a month or so. Now my teeth look a little weird. It's unfair and I blame the dentist. "What's your name?" he cocked his head and simultaneously pulled at the pudding, his strength nearly making me let go but I held firm and stood my ground. Yes! I shall prevail!
"Charlie. What's yours?" I asked him suspiciously, narrowing my light blue eyes at him. He had really pretty eyes. Well, prettier than what normal brown eyes look like. They twinkled in a friendly way at me and eased some of the wariness I felt. Yeah, he had nice eyes. But he still wasn't getting my pudding.
"I'm Jude. It's nice to meet you, Charlie." Jude grinned. Okay, this guy grins way too much for my liking. Maybe he's a stalker. Or a pedophile with a penchant for pudding and party people! Or he could be some kind of hobo rapist and draws people in with his twinkly eyes...or maybe he's all of them! Someone should call the police! He – "I'm sorry, excuse me?" Jude looked confused, his warm voice jolting me out of my thoughts. I stared at him. The pudding was limp in our grasps.
"Um, did you just call me a stalker-pudding party people pedophile-rapist?" he raised an eyebrow at me and I felt my cheeks grow warm. Damnit! That's the third time this month I've done that. You know, spoken my thoughts aloud in front of a cute guy...whoa, wait a minute. Hold up, this guy isn't cute...I ran my eyes over his tall, lean form. With his pretty brown eyes, wavy blonde hair, tanned skin and good taste in jeans (that is, not the yucky skinny jean kind you see everyone wearing nowadays. I mean; hello? that fashion is so last season! Skinny jeans are so way out, they're practically in Timbuktu!), yeah, I'm right. He's not cute. He's freaking gorgeous! Too bad he's trying to steal my pudding. With that thought, I suddenly remember the pudding that both of us are still hanging onto and I seize the opportunity to distract him as well as simultaneously get the pudding very successfully into my cauldron of boiling party awesomeness! Or trolley. You know; if you want to be boring.
"Hey!" Jude called out as I ripped the pudding from his fingers (looks like those sucking finger powers have disappeared on you. So much for Spiderman mating with an octopus...) and dumped it into my trolley before spinning around and skidding down the aisle to freedom after having brilliantly executed my careful plan of ninja awesomeness which enabled me the ticket to the throne of party-throwers.
Or at least, that's what I thought would happen. I never really thought about what would happen if I tripped though I guess I should have factored in one of those cool James Bond type rolls...or maybe that cool flip thing where you're lying on the ground and then you just like...jump up by pushing yourself up with your hands.
Anyway, getting back to the point, next thing I know, I'm flying through the air and fumbling with the pudding. Everything happens in slow-mo and Jude and I watch with open-mouths, one of us (probably me because I'm cool like that) shouting "Nooooo!" in that slow-mo way as the pudding turns in the air before falling splat on the floor. And then all hell breaks loose.
Okay, I'm joking, that's just my over imaginative mind coupled with my foolish acting dreams. Sigh, goodbye title of Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal...the partner that is, not the original.
The only good thing was that I didn't fall flat on my face, managing to catch my balance which, believe me, is a rare occurrence. Especially in front of a guy like Jude. Glancing down, I sigh heavily. Betrayed by a shoelace...imagine that. Damn those stupid and pointlessly long Converse shoelaces! I kick said evil shoelace away before glancing at the pudding on the floor and then at Jude who was just looking on at the scene with raised eyebrows.
"Oops?" I chuckle nervously. Jude looks up and stares at me for a very long time before he bursts out laughing and walks over to the pudding, sweeping up off of the floor and proffering it to me. I'm not sure I want it now; it's been on the floor! Despite that though, I still look up at him from beneath my lashes, wondering why on earth he'd give it to me.
"It's the season of giving, Charlie." He explains with a cheeky grin and I just laugh and nod my thanks before snatching up the pudding, tossing it into my cauldron on wheels and begin to push said cauldron towards the checkout counter. "Hey, aren't you going to give me an invitation?!" I stop and turn around to look at him. "You know, to your party."
"How do you know about that?" I blurt out in confusion and fear. He is a psycho-scary-stalker-rapist-pudding people party pedophile!
"Um, your trolley has party things in it? Um...and the list is in your hand." He nervously scratches at the back of his head. I glance down at my hand to see the list which proclaims 'Charlie's Amazing Christmas Party of the Century' before I look back up at him. Okay, so he's an observant-scary-stalker-rapist-pudding people party pedophile!
"Oh." I say quietly.
"Well, are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Going to give me an invite?"
"Because it's the season of giving."
"But I don't know you."
"But you will."
"Think of it as a way to repay me for letting you take home the pudding. And I really want a bite of that pudding." I stare at him before I shrug. He makes sense.
"Okay." I fumble around in my jacket and come up with a spare invite. Interesting. Jude remarks on this and as I'm pushing my awesome pot of party-love to the cashier, I call back to him that I'm a psychic.
"Oh my god! Oh. My. God! Oh my god! I can't believe I forgot it! I went to the store, I remembered the pudding and I forgot the freaking custard! It won't taste good without custard! I only have ice cream! But what if people want custard and -"
"Calm down, Charlie!" my best friend Yuan interrupted me as she put the final touches on the colourful arrangement of food on the table. "What if people don't want custard at all?" she stuck another pink umbrella into a mince pie.
"Oh my god, what if they don't want custard?! Oh my –"
"For the love of all that is good and pleasurable: shut up. You don't have custard anyway!" Yuan finally rolled her eyes and stabbed another mince pie. I'm pretty sure she's wishing it was me. But I know she secretly loves me because I put up with her crazed yaoi obsession. Albeit, I love yaoi and personally, I am proudly gay but still!
"But what if –" I begin but stop myself and shrink down in my armchair as Yuan glares at me. How could such innocent and pretty light green, almond-shaped eyes be so evil?!
"Charlie, when can I finally start drinking?!" my older sister, Chelsea, whined at me and I got up off the couch to check the time, anything to avoid the crazed glare of my best friend. Along the way, I passed a mirror and being the definition of sex, I obviously have to stop. My mirror would be hurt if I ignored it.
I frowned at the sight that met me. Stupid mirror, I don't take the chance to ignore you and this is what I get in return? A mess that is barely reminiscent of the gorgeousness that is truly me? Okay, I've decided I will stop seeing Chelsea; she influences her vanity on me way too much. I sigh as I try to fix my green hair to my liking and check that my eyeliner and mascara are still very much intact and that I haven't absentmindedly rubbed at it soon after application which is a habit of mine. I preen in the mirror and pull faces for a little bit, admiring my pouty lips and the glitter that decorates my cheeks. I smooth out my skin-tight red shirt which sparkles a little due to the glitter as it catches the light and I admire the bondage pants wrapped around my legs. Still looking sexy. I wink at my reflection.
"Charlie! I know how much you would like to masturbate to pictures of your own self but for goodness sake, will you at least answer me?!" Chelsea calls from the kitchen and I roll my eyes. Way to spoil a self-motivating moment. And she's one to talk!
"They're coming soon." I answer as I saunter into the kitchen. As soon as the words leave my mouth though, the doorbell rings and I feel like a little kid as I bounce up and down in anticipation. "They're here!" I giggle and Chelsea mutters something that sounds like a 'thank god' before she pops open a bottle.
I meet with Yuan at the door and we quickly check each other over. I admire the dress she's wearing today, a simple, short and swishing green number which brings out her eyes. She's also let her hair down today so it shimmers around her like a black waterfall. No need to ask who she's trying to impress as everyone in the entire world including the hobo around the corner knows who she's majorly crushing on. Of course, the object of her affections reveals himself as she pulls open the door.
"Hey." Her voice is low and seductive and I wave quickly at the newcomer before excusing myself to laugh in the kitchen. Her ways of seduction have always made me laugh; I just can't see Yuan doing it.
A few hours later, the party is jumping and I emerge from the mini dance fest in the tiny excuse for a living room in my apartment feeling quite light-headed. The doorbell rings and it vaguely registers in my mind. I stroll over to open it with a flourish and am pleasantly met with Jude. I almost don't recognize him until he steps over the threshold with a tiny smile. He's dressed up a little less casually now and has donned a Santa hat which I snigger at upon first sight. He plays off mock-hurt before holding something up in front of my face. It's yellow and it blinds me! My eyes!
"I figure you may need this." I realize it's a carton of custard that has just been shoved into my face and I can't help feeling my heart begin to beat a little faster. I take it from him with a word of thanks before setting it on the table near the uncovered pudding. "That's one strong pudding, doesn't look too traumatized after the ordeal it went through." His accent makes me melt and I turn around to face him. The room feels like it's getting hotter and it's not just because of our close proximity.
"I know. I'm so proud; it's a good little soldier." I reply and Jude chuckles.
"You're weird, you know that Charlie?" I shrug before squeezing out of the small space he had trapped me in – between him and the table.
"Says the stalker." I smirk at him and he just shakes his head. Suddenly, I feel an arm slipping into mine and I look to see Yuan gazing up at Jude with a friendly expression, her delicate hand held out.
"My name's Yuan, I'm Charlie's best friend and it's my duty to ask you who you are and what your intentions are." She states, batting her eyelashes at him. I blush. No, I don't. I don't do anything because I'm Charlie and I'm a manly kind of guy. I don't blush, no. It's just...weird lighting. And it's really hot too.
"I'm Jude, I fought Charlie over that pudding on the table a few days ago and I have no intentions of doing anything to Charlie..." I felt my heart sink suddenly, "unless he really wants it." Jude winks at me and suddenly, my heart feels light. I giggle and I feel Yuan giving me...The Nudge. That is, she approves. She nods and disappears, swept up by the crowd and probably trying to find her own guy. One thing about Yuan, she's kind of...flighty in a way, she doesn't really pay that much attention to things unless it's something that really interests her.
A little while later find Jude and I laughing, both of us having drunk a little though Jude doesn't seem affected at all whilst I'm just ever so slightly tipsy.
"And then I was thinking, 'this means war!'" I cackled loudly as I recounted to Jude my thoughts on when we were both heading for the same pudding. The same pudding that I was now cutting a small wedge of and dousing in custard...I love it with custard, it's so...succulent.
"Open up!" I giggle as I manoeuvre the fork balancing the pudding into Jude's open mouth and I giggle at the custard blob that managed to miss his gob and is now on his lower lip. His very full...kissable-looking lower lip...my laughter subsides a little and eventually, his does too so I end up staring at his mouth as he stares down at me. I watch as his lips part a little and they look so inviting...in the next moment, I'm leaning into him as he leans into me, his hands coming up to cup my face in the gentlest of ways. My eyes flutter half-closed as I dart out my tongue and lick at his lower lip. Yummy custard...the thought is brief though as he smiles before sealing his lips over my own. By this time, everything about the party is forgotten and how I actually shouldn't be kissing this stranger who I met only a few days ago because he attempted to steal my pudding then invited himself to my party of the century.
Somehow, time finds us in my dark bedroom where the only source of light are the lamps outside except those soon flicker out the longer we spend exploring each other's mouths. Jude is addicting, there's something about him; some unique taste that I can't explain that draws me to him. It's intoxicating and it leaves me light-headed. I am vaguely aware of Chelsea beginning to warble drunkenly outside in the living room but I continue to kiss this stranger who fought me for my pudding and ended up giving it to me. He runs his tongue across my bottom lip and I grant him access, shivering as he runs his tongue over the roof of my mouth. It's hot.
We finally pull apart though I attempt to follow him and suction my lips to his but he turns his head away so I end up pushing my lips against his jaw which is covered in a light smattering of stubble. Sexy...
"Thanks for letting me have that bite of the pudding by the way. It was delicious." He randomly says and I quirk an eyebrow at him though he doesn't see it. Damn right it should be delicious, I fed it to him! I voice my thought aloud and he laughs breathily before pecking me chastely on the lips. I whine as he pulls away. Get back here Jude, damnit! If you want more of that pudding you bring your lips back to mine now! I nearly jumped at how he kissed me again. He's not just an observant-scary-stalker-rapist-pudding people party pedophile, he's also a psychic! God, that's cool!
After a few more minutes of us making-out, I pull back.
"Why'd you let me have the pudding? And if you say that line about 'season of giving' crap, I will personally beat you over the head with this pillow." I widen my eyes in a threat but it's wasted on him because again, it's too dark to see. Stupid night...but I wish he would say that line again. I really do want to beat him with this pillow.
"Well, it is the season of giving..." he said and I cheer before whacking his head with the pillow. God, that felt so satisfying. "Hey! But also...well, I saw your list before so I figured if you were going to have this pudding for your party, I might as well get myself invited. I'd be able to see this cute boy again and have free pudding too." I couldn't see it but I'm pretty damn sure he winked at me. I gaped at him before whacking him over the head with the pillow though I wasn't at all prepared for the retaliation and felt the wind go right out of me as he returned my whack. I gasped but smirked as I rolled onto the floor and lay there in quiet. The sound of Jude's quiet voice calling my name nearly made me laugh aloud as I crept up behind him after crawling my way across the floor using my awesome ninja power skills of supersonic silence and snake-like movement. I then whacked him over the head with a ninja cry of 'Kyaaa!' and cackled evilly. We ended up panting heavily on top of my bed, the sheets in total disarray around us.
"Hey, you paid for custard though." I frowned in the darkness.
"Yeah but the pudding still cost more." I could hear the smirk in his voice as he panted out the words. My frown deepened. Damnit.
oh mee gosh! i know, right?! yet another update?! this girl is on FI-YAAAH. haha! anyway, merry christmas and have a happy new year guys. i came up with this story idea earlier today in the supermarket and as i'm leaving tomorrow and unsure if i'm going to get internet, i am going to post this now for all of you. i wrote it in about three hours or so, i guess? so i'm sorry if it's not very good. the ending gets a bit...meh for me so i might go back and change it.
i hope you all like it! it's not very depressing unlike the other one which i have no clue WHY i wrote. i might take it down.
anyway, this oneshot is dedicated to the lovely dougie AKA bi-curious george who earlier nudged me to write it. so i've written it and now i've dedicated it to him! yay! because i love him and he puts up with my whining and annoying ways.
please let me know if you like it!