Enemy Material

"Why me?"

"Because it was either you or Hadley, and Hadley is hopeless with romancicating- I know it's not a word- so it has to be you. Now hold still so we can get this on you… whatever it is."

"Glitter."

"Yes…"

"OK, what now?"

"Remember, give them no reason to mistrust you."

"He's covered with glitter. I think we're beyond mistrust."

"…Thaaanks."

---

As Skyler sighed deeply, he reminded himself that it was for the good of the male community that he was doing this. Too many girls had been sucked into believing that guys who glittered and stalked you and drove silver cars (what was the make?) were wonderful. He may not be able to pull off the silver schmancy-pants car (as he put it) since he didn't even have a license, but the other two were doable. But where Hadley got all that glitter from was something he didn't want to know.

Sure enough, everyone in the hallway had stopped what they were doing to gape at him. Skyler exhaled and trying his best to ignore the stares, he approached a girl holding one of those books. The Enemy Material, as he and Hadley and Dom called it. He was pretty sure he knew what her name was… "Erin, right?"

Erin was speechless.

After a slightly awkward pause, Skyler clasped his hands and looked pointedly at the book in her hands. "So you, um, like Twilight?" He nodded. "That's, uh, that's pretty cool."

Erin still didn't say anything.

Skyler let out a deep breath and looked at the floor for a minute. If a cheesy fictional character could pull this off, he certainly could. He straightened up and said, "You know, you're really kind of beautiful and amazing." Yeah, this to a girl he barely knew. Well, that was what happened in the book, so it didn't make much of a difference.

Still Erin didn't say anything.

OK, time to pull out the big guns. "Y'know, my dad said I could have his car when I'm old enough to drive," said Skyler casually. "It's a, ah, silver Volvo." That was the make!

Finally, Erin spoke. "I know what you're trying to do," she said, suddenly frowning. "And it isn't funny."

That's when Skyler's mouth got him into trouble. "Why? I thought girls liked guys who glittered and tried to be cool and drove silver Volvos." That came out much more sarcastic than he intended.

Erin scowled. "Just vegetarian vampires," she said rather bitingly.

Skyler asked hopefully, "I'm a vegan, does that count?" Her glare was unnerving him.

"Besides, you're not that beautiful. Your hair's greasy-"

"But it's sparkly! That's gotta count for something."

"No. One of your eyes is a little bigger than the other and they're not green or golden or anything, your nose looks like it's been broken, you don't look very strong at all, you're too fat to be fast, you walk too loud, you're not charming, you can't drive, and…" Erin looked him over. "You have horrible taste in clothes."

As she walked away, Skyler felt extremely discouraged. "That didn't hurt at all," he murmured as he retreated to the bathrooms to get that ridiculous glitter off of him. He walked in to see Dom and Hadley looking at him expectantly.

"How'd it go?" asked Hadley.

Skyler sighed and shook his head. "Epic fail." He glared at the Enemy Material they had used for reference. "Stupid Edward."

End.


Yeah, I don't have much respect for Edward. He's a GEB (Girly Emo Boy).

Have a root beer float. :)