I'd always thought that this was what I wanted. But now I see that they were all just using me. Nobody ever even pretended me unless they only did it to betray me. I'm a target. Everyone's rage, everyone's hatred get pointed at me. I'm literally a target when I get stuff thrown at my head. Did you ever get that feeling when you have to keep looking over your shoulder, just waiting for something, or someone, to hit you?
Don't you hate it when people use you for their own amusement? I do. The problem is that I'm too trusting. I think people really like me for who I am. How crazy is that? I just end up making a fool of myself. I'm their target of humiliation.
Don't you hate it when people say horrible things about you, right in front of your face, just to make the point that you're the outsider? "There she is, that crazy kid, the freak who nobody likes!" "Look at her, she's so weird, why is she dressed in all black?" I'm their target of ridicule.
Don't you hate it when you step in through the doors into school and that horrible feeling of dread washes over you? Don't you hate it that it's more painful to smile and be nonchalant than to actually hurt yourself? Don't you hate it when it gets to the point of going to the screenless windows of the top floor bathroom in the school and thinking, "What'll happen if I jump out?"
Don't you just hate going to target practice?