My inspiration for this was mainly the song "Sheep song" by the Dresden dolls.

Other than that, I'm not entirely sure why I had this idea. D:

Enjoy. :]

Present time


[Diary entry]

She was only ten years old.

She was only a child, but that didn't matter to Joseph. He had fallen in love with her when he saw her on that (annoyingly) blinding day in August. He knew the risks he was taking, but that didn't matter to him. Age didn't matter anymore. He didn't care about the age difference anymore. All he knew was he loved her and that was enough to satisfy him. He didn't need another answer.

She was his doll. Nobody else could have her.

Nobody else could love her.

Only he could love that lying little girl.

[Dear Diary,]

Marianne was a cute child. Her bouncy brown hair, her bright green eyes, and her lively personality were often the magnetic forces that pulled others towards her.

"Why, hello there." said an older male, his looks suggesting his age to be around 17 and 20. He wore a black vest over a striped, collared shirt and had a slight smile on his handsome face.

The little girl stared up in amazement at the older person in front of her, a light blush rising to her cheeks. It was completely natural to have this reaction, however, seeing as he was quite…attractive. Even to the eyes of a mere child, he was pretty good-looking.

"Hello mister, my name is Marianne!" she squeaked out, a bright smile adorning her face. She held out a single hand, often seeing her parents do so whenever people came over. The boy let out a low chuckle, taking her hand in his.

"Hello Marianne. My name is Joseph."

[I met a man today. His name was Joseph.]

"Marianne, look. I brought a friend to play with you. Now you won't be alone when I go away. You have a friend now, Marianne. A friend."

Marianne looked over at Joseph, a wide grin on her face. She spun around on her left heel, giggling madly. Her arms were outstretched and a look of pure happiness was on her face.

"Thank you Mister Joseph!"

Joseph's smile widened as he held the young girl's hands in his, dancing around the large room to a silent symphony. Her soft green dress brought out the color of her twinkling, emerald eyes and fluttered with every twist and turn. Their dance was cut short however, by the shrill noise of a cell phone ringing. Joseph frowned at the small device in his pocket, wishing it would disappear. Their dance shouldn't be finished until the music stopped. It would not finish until the music stopped. Interruptions were unforgivable.

Joseph was not pleased.

[I like his name. He was really nice to me!]

"Mister Joseph?" Marianne asked, staring at the taller male with wide eyes. He glanced down at her, frowning at her expression. She never had such a…serious face on. For a child.

"Yes, Marianne?"

"Why are you crying?"

Joseph could feel his heart stop as he heard the words come out of her mouth. He opened his mouth, trying to say something, but the words refused to come out. Not a single sound left his mouth. He didn't know how to explain his weakness. He didn't want to explain his weakness.

"What happened between you and that lady?"

He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. Marianne shouldn't have to be exposed to his personal problems. She was just a child. She wouldn't understand the terrible things that happen in the adult world. Children shouldn't have to be bothered with adult problems. They were only children. Marianne was only a child.

Joseph didn't want her to understand, but he felt like he would be lying to her if he didn't say anything. She was like his sister. A young, naïve sister. He couldn't lie to her. He refused to.

"She was a bad person." He said plainly, his voice devoid of any emotion.

"Did she hurt you Mister Joseph?" Marianne asked quietly.


[I think he's really pretty! In a boy way.]

"Joseph, what has gotten in to you lately?"

Joseph felt unfazed by his mother's pleads, finding it strange that she even thought something was wrong with him. He was perfectly normal, still the same person he had always been. Only difference was…her. Now he had something to cherish and love. What was wrong with that?

"You refuse to meet all of those wonderful women that you used to love so much before. You used to be a magnet to the female population and you used to enjoy every minute of it. Why are you avoiding them all?"

He refused to answer her, his eyes narrowing slightly. Those females were different than Marianne. Sure, they were more developed in…certain areas, but they were so…tainted. Not a single one of them had the innocence that Marianne had. All they wanted was his money. They only wanted his money and his good looks. They couldn't care less for his personality.

"Mother." He finally spoke, growing irritated at her constant nagging. She immediately stopped her rant, staring at him with hopeful eyes.

"Please. Just shut up."

[But he's really old. He told me he was twenty years old! He's so old.]

"Mr. Joseph, you have a nice name." Marianne said with a grin on her face. She spun around a few times, her white skirt flowing elegantly around her. In Joseph's eyes, this moment was the meaning of 'perfection'. Everything about her was…flawless.

He mentally slapped himself for thinking such thoughts. He's 20 years old for God's sake. To be thinking such…things about a 10 year old was inexcusable. He felt shame stab at him inwardly for feeling like this to a mere child.

"Mister Joseph~ Mister Joseph~ Mister Joseph~" she giggled, falling backwards on her bottom. Joseph couldn't help but laugh as she pouted in embarrassment. His laugh was like a wonderful melody in her ears. She didn't need music if he was there to laugh.

"Mister Joseph, it's not funny!" she managed to say, snapping out of her slight daze and glaring playfully at the chuckling male before her.

"Well, aren't you a cute one." Joseph complimented her, smiling down at the small girl. Marianne could feel butterflies flittering in her stomach, which scared her.

She was ever so afraid of butterflies.

[Sometimes, when he's close to me, my stomach feels funny.]

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have some things I need to do."

Joseph rose from his chair, sending an uncaring glance towards his mother, and turned to the large wooden doors of the home's library. Gripping the metal handles firmly, he swung each door open, smashing them against the walls. A cry of shock came from his mother as he stalked out the room, feeling quite accomplished.

His footsteps echoed back at him in the long, dim hallway. They were mocking him, his footsteps. Laughing at how pathetic he looked. How desperate he must have been to talk back to his own mother. He wanted to see Marianne again, but he didn't think he wanted to see her that much.

No matter how much he loved her, he would never have dared talk back to his mother. He loved her very much. He probably loved his mother more than his Marianne. He should have loved her more.

However, with each time he repeated this in his mind, he began to lose trust in what he was thinking.

"Let them laugh…" he muttered to himself, glaring at the dull white walls that surrounded him.

[I don't like the feeling. It's like butterflies. I don't like butterflies. They're scary.]

"Mister Joseph, you look funny." Marianne said innocently, staring into his bright blue eyes. He blinked, feeling slightly uncomfortable at the lack of distance between them. She's a child, he repeated in his head. She is 10 years younger than me, he said to himself. She is a child who is 10 years younger than me, he told himself. There can never be something between us, he wrote in his mind. 10 years is far too much of a difference, he yelled inwardly.

"I do? Well that's strange, because I feel perfectly normal. See?" at that last word, he pointed to the newly formed smile on his face.

Marianne giggled at how childish he was.

"Mister Joseph, you're so immature! You are just like a child." She said, a grin plastered firmly on her face.

His smile faltered.

[I think Mister Joseph is like a butterfly. He's too pretty. But sometimes he scares me.]

"Joseph!" shouted a female voice from his right. He didn't even have to look to recognize who was calling for him. He knew that voice and he would never forget it.

"Adrian." He said blankly, stopping in his steps. She ran up to him, throwing her arms around the tall male. She grinned, not noticing the expression of annoyance he had on his face until it was too late. With a single hand, he pushed her away from himself, looking at the hand that touched her in disgust. She sat on the floor, gazing at him with a stunned expression. Her eyes only showed fright at his sudden display of violence.

"I bet you want to know why I pushed you, hmm?" he spat out, narrowing his eyes at her pitiful form. She winced at his cruel tone and slowly nodded. He sighed in irritation.

"You are a fool to think I would accept you back into my life." He started, his expression growing dark. Adrian scampered to her feet, and stared at him with desperation in her eyes.

"Why would you—"

"Don't talk to me, you thieving little whore."

With those final words, he turned away sharply and stormed off to his original destination. She could only stare helplessly at his back, tears blinding her vision.

[When he gets angry, he is…I can't describe how scared I get. But, he's never gotten angry at me yet.]

"Mister Joseph, I met a nice woman earlier today." Marianne said simply, kicking her legs back and forth on one of the rusty playground swings. Joseph sat on top of the monkey bars, staring at the young girl with interest. Her white dress had gotten some of the rust on it, tainting it with its filth. He wanted so much to get rid of the rust, hating how it was so…dirty. He hated how it touched the white of her clothing. He hated it for tainting her clothing.

"Mister Joseph! You need to learn how to listen to people when they're talking to you." Marianne said with a pout. Joseph snapped out of his daze and laughed quietly to himself. He loved how she pouted. It was adorable…

"I'm listening, young one." He said with a grin as he watched her expression change into shock. She was so cute…

"I'm not that young! I should have you know I'm almost 11 now!" She said, pouting even more. He grinned.

"Yeah, of course you old granny." He said with a slight laugh as her face changed into disbelief. He loved how she always took what he said seriously.

Marianne was shocked. When she turned 11, she was going to get all wrinkly and look like her grandmother!? That would not do. Marianne pouted.

"Then why don't you look like a grandpa, Mister Joseph?" she challenged, irked that he still looked young. Joseph laughed and placed a single finger to his lips.

"I'm a magical person, Marianne."

Cue the butterflies in her stomach. She looked away nervously, biting her bottom lip. Marianne hoped that Joseph wouldn't notice her strange behavior and continued to swing. Joseph glanced at her secretly and fought back the smile that was trying to force its way onto his face.

[But when he's happy and nice, I really like it. It makes me happy too!]

"Marianne." Joseph muttered as he stepped into his four bedroom apartment. It was a rather…boring place. He had white walls, white furniture, and white curtains. His television, his computer, his rugs…all white. However, there were many green plants placed randomly around the home. He hated the thought of 'color' in his house, unless it was green or white. All of the other colors…they seemed so tainted and impure. Such thoughts of contamination bothered him to no end.

"Marianne, I'm back." He called out to the empty apartment. Walking to a door on the wall furthest from the entrance, he knocked slightly. His hand gripped the metal doorknob and he gave a slight twist and push, successfully opening the door.

"Are you here?" He asked the silence, hoping for a reply. Sadly, he never got one. Joseph sighed in disappointment, slowly closing the door with an almost unnoticed 'click'. He gaze lingered at the door for a few more seconds before he headed towards the front door. Slipping on his shoes, he opened the door, almost reluctantly, and called out to the empty rooms.

"I'll be back by midnight."

And the door shut behind him.

[But lately Mister Joseph has been acting…strange. Yeah, he usually is, but it's different this time.]

"Mister Joseph, I have a secret I want to tell you~" Marianne sung out to the male as she spun on one heel. Joseph stared questioningly at the twirling female with curiosity. Marianne never told secrets too often. Well, not to Joseph, anyways.

Actually, she has never told him a secret before. Joseph was genuinely curious now.

"Yes?" he said, pretending to be uninterested. Marianne sighed slightly, a look of disappointment flashing briefly on her face. However, it disappeared as soon as it came. She smiled brightly at the male before her.

"There was this new transfer student today!"

Joseph could feel his heart beat quicken.

"Oh? Is that so?"

"Yeah! His name is Andrew and he's really nice!"

Joseph stopped breathing. Or did he? He wasn't too sure anymore.


"Yeah! We played together on the playground today and it was so much fun!"

Joseph couldn't help but let his mind wander further than necessary at the words 'play together'. He knew that no such behavior would happen at an elementary school, but he was still worried. He was an adult. He understood the different meanings that phrase could mean. His over protectiveness made him think the…naughtier of meanings.


"Yeah! He's so cool!"

Joseph was losing his mind at this point. She had a new…'best friend'. Even though he wished they could have been more than…'best friend', the age difference was quite a problem…so maybe this boy would be her 'chosen person'?


"Yeah! Yeah! He's my bestest friend ever!"

Joseph felt the last bit of his sanity crumble at those simple words.

"Well…you should go…find him and play…yes?"

"Why? He may be my bestest friend ever, but I can talk to you about things I can't talk to him about."

His sanity was being glued back together slowly…

"…and plus, it would be so embarrassing to be around my crush all of the time!"

only to be broken even more.

[Ever since I told him about Andrew, Mister Joseph has gotten…what's the word…fidgety?]

Joseph glanced at his watch.

10:52 P.M.

"Joseph! I'm so sorry I'm late!" called a shrill voice to the side, causing him to flinch slightly. Even after all these years, he still couldn't get used to her voice. Marianne's voice, however…

"Joseph? Joseph? Joseph!"

He snapped out of it.

"Ah. Terribly sorry, Viola." He said with an indifferent look on his face. She swooned at his reply, feeling hot in the face. However, she soon pushed the affectionate feeling in the back of her mind ('No matter how much I love it'she inwardly thought) and put on her most serious face. It wasn't often the Joseph White called out a person. In fact, it had been nearly a year since he had last called a female out. Viola was curious.

"You needed something?" She asked, trying to sound as professional as possible. She needed to maintain her cool and not freak out about anything…

"Ah. Yes. I would like…information." Joseph said slowly, looking around in nervousness. His request was insane. He was insane. Everything was insane and he was paranoid. She was going to think he was weird. Viola, that is. She may question his sanity and send him far, far away. He wouldn't be able to see Marianne anymore. He would hate not seeing his Marianne. It would be murder to his mind and sanity. Well…whatever was left of his sanity, that is. He wasn't too sure if there was anything.

"...yes?" Viola asked, suddenly interested. She was well known for her…sources. She could find information on anybody she wished to know about with a snap of her fingers. Often, people would only ask for information from Viola if they had…business to take care of. She willingly complied, however, because whatever went on between the people had nothing to do with her. Also, as a plus, if it got violent, Viola had entertainment. Violence was always fun.

"I was…wondering if…" Joseph wasn't sure if he could finish his sentence.

"…You had any information on a Marianne Sullivan and an Andrew Romeo?"

He did it.

Viola stared at him, gaping. She couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Hah! Why would you need information on children?"

Joseph didn't want to answer.

"I have my reasons, Viola."

"Well, you don't have to tell me, I suppose. Alright. Treat me to coffee and I'll tell you everything I know."

[Yeah. Fidgety. It bothers me to see him like that. It's weird. He's getting weird. If it's a joke, it's not funny.]

"Mister Joseph!" Marianne cried out, squealing in laughter. Joseph smiled at her childish behavior.

"Ah. Marianne." He said simply, a small smile on his face. Marianne frowned at his lack of emotion and poked his stomach. He made a noise of surprise at her poke, disliking the physical contact. It made him feel…awkward. He let out a sigh and ruffled her hair slightly, ignoring her cries of protest. In Marianne's hand was a large, violet bag with something…unknown inside. Joseph sent a questioning glance at the bag.

"What's with the bag?"

"Oh! This is for you, Mister Joseph." Marianne giggled, her smile widening in accomplishment. His eyes had widened in surprise at her sudden declaration. A gift for Joseph? A gift from Marianne? A gift for Joseph from Marianne? The simple thought of that made Joseph feel light headed in a forbidden bliss. He shouldn't feel this was for a girl 10 years younger than him.

"Any particular reason why?" he asked, using all of his strength to hold back the smile that was dying to dance across his face. She nodded in excitement, her eyes twinkling with happiness. Too much happiness.

"It's Valentine's Day, of course!" She said with a wide grin. Joseph nearly fell over in happiness. Though, he thought something was very odd with that statement. However, he was too busy being happy to care about the strange thought. No matter how much it stabbed at him, he would not let that bother him. Not at all. Not one bit.

Joseph sent a charming smile to Marianne, making her feel weak in the knees. Even though she had spent so much time with the older male, she was still so vulnerable to his charm. It was a strange, new feeling for the girl, but she didn't mind. She liked seeing Joseph smile.

"Why thank you, Marianne. I'm so sorry that I don't have anything to give you…" he said, trailing off. She let out a grin and pointed to herself.

"My teacher said that Valentine's Day was the day you give stuff to the person you like." She started, sending him into an emotional spasm. The single sentence kept on repeating itself in Joseph's head.

"So I'm giving this to you because I like you!" Marianne finished, a light pink staining her cheeks. Joseph was feeling a wave of emotions hit him. Hard.

Before Joseph was able to say anything, Marianne quickly shoved the gift into his hands and ran off, face red. Joseph couldn't hold it in any longer and allowed a blush to take control of his face. He opened the bag to see a bunch of sweets, wrapped in his favorite color of green. He smiled, but was bothered by something. Something seemed rather…out of place. He had felt this feeling before, when he was first struck by happiness. He had pushed the feeling back, but now it really bothered him. However he didn't know what it was.

And then it hit him at full force, making him light headed at the sudden rush of happiness.

He didn't even bother to hide his smile.

It was August.

[I'm glad that I got to run away before he could say anything about my blush. Talk about embarrassing!]

"…Andrew Romeo is currently 13 years old. He had been held back in 2nd grade due to his habit of skipping." Viola stated plainly, feeling weird about talking about children. Children for God's sake…

"He was in Marianne Sullivan's 6th grade class."

Joseph began listening.

"According to her parents, she had begun to stay out longer than usual since last August or July. She would come home later than usual and go to school earlier. One day, she ended up not coming home altogether. A lot of people had suspected Andrew to be behind all of this, but he ended up being as clueless as everybody else. Sadly, though, Marianne's parents ended up passing away about a month. She ended up returning home not long after that."

Joseph could feel the anger rising inside of him. He couldn't understand how people could forget such a wonderful child.

"Marianne had an…anger issue. She couldn't control her anger."

Joseph stopped his thought track. Anger issue?

"But for some reason, after she had begun to stay out later, she seemed like she had control over her anger."

He couldn't help but smile.

"It seemed like a miracle. However, something ended up happening…"

He felt his stomach drop.

[Well Diary. I gotta go meet Andrew now. He said he had something really cool to show me! I'm so excited!]

"Mister Joseph!" Marianne called out, waving her arm wildly. Joseph chuckled, finally used to being called 'Mister Joseph' so frequently. He greeted the girl with a small wave of his hand, laughing even more as she tripped over something. Even though it pained him to see her in pain, it was still funny. She looked so cute.

"Hello Marianne. What brings you here?" Joseph questioned, knowing that the little girl usually came here much later. She held up her left hand for a moment, trying to catch her breath from all that running. When she was finished, she looked up at Joseph with a bright smile.

"I'm going to go visit Andrew today!"

Joseph's smile faltered.

"Oh…? Well…have fun."

"Mister Joseph, you don't look too good." Marianne squeaked slightly as the male placed his hand to his forehead. He gave a weak smile to the girl who could only stare innocently. She didn't know how much pain she could cause a person.

"I'm…fine. I'm fine Marianne. You should go. Your friend is waiting."

Marianne sent an unsure glance at Joseph, not believing his lie. Heck, even Joseph didn't believe his lie…

Joseph merely waved her off with a simple motion of his right hand. She seemed hesitant to leave him, but complied with his wishes. Though, he would have loved it if she stayed. He would have felt perfect in an instant. Everything would have been happy and wonderful and perfectly fine if she had stayed. However, Joseph knew that his selfishness could only go so far. He was selfish and wanted the young child all for himself, but denying her happiness would have hurt far more than a simple crack in his heart.

"She's a child." Joseph muttered to himself as he stared blankly at the children running past.

"She's a child, just like them."

"She's a child who likes to play games."

"She's a child who is 10 years younger than me."

"She's a child."

"A child."

"10 years old."

"A 10 year old and a 20 year old?"

"Not possible."

He kept on repeating sentences of how they would never make it as a couple. Sentences of how impossible a relationship between the child and the adult would be. He kept on repeating it, hoping it would save his sanity. Maybe if he said it long enough, it would finally get through that thick skull of his. He could go back to being the social playboy of the town. He could go back to being with multiple girls at once and not one of them complaining. He could go back to being the heart breaker instead of the heart broken.

Slamming his hand against the wooden bench he was sitting on, he quickly rose, walking away from the cursed park. His car was parked nearby, white and perfect. Not a single taint on it.

He drove away from the park in a hurry, not wanting to be anywhere near it. After he leaves, he was going to be sure to forget all about Marianne, no matter how hard it would be on him. He was going to return to his normal life. His normal life without Marianne.

It would be the best for both of them.

She could be with her beloved Andrew.

Joseph could forget all about her and live life peacefully.

No thoughts plaguing his mind constantly. He could finally start thinking about adults once more instead of his usual thoughts on a certain child. He closed his eyes in irritation, irked that he was thinking about the topic he was trying to forget. He didn't want to remember Marianne. He didn't want to remember that child. He didn't want to remember that girl who was 10 years younger than him. He didn't want to remember that girl who gave him Valentine's chocolate in August. He didn't want to remember that girl who went to Andrew.

Unconsciously, Joseph's foot began to press harder against the gas petal as more thoughts came to his mind. The speed of his car was increasing dangerously and his eyes were closed in aggravation.

It wasn't until he hit something that his eyes shot open. It wasn't until he hit someone that he finally noticed something was wrong. It wasn't until he saw the red stains on his car that he knew something was terribly wrong. It wasn't until he saw lifeless green eyes and red-stained brown hair that he knew something extremely wrong had happened.

His eyes were wide in horror as he backed away from his white car, falling backwards.

His car was stained.

It was tainted.

It was covered in red.

Her blood.

His car was covered in her blood.


His car.


Joseph's car.

Marianne's blood.

Her body on the ground.

Joseph was horrified at what happened. He couldn't move. He couldn't feel anything. He only stared at the body on the ground in front of him, smiling as if it were mocking him. He wanted to tell her to stop laughing. He wanted to tell her to stop smiling at him. He wanted to tell her to stop laughing at him. He hated it. He hated this feeling. He hated it so much. He hated it. He hated her for laughing at him. He hated her for smiling like that. He hated her for mocking him. He hated her for making him feel so dysfunctional. He hated her for making him feel so many emotions at once. He hated it all.

"Mister Joseph! Look at me! Don't I look pretty? I think I do! What do you think?"

Joseph could only laugh as he started to cry. 'What a man', he thought inwardly. He could see her, sitting up with her emerald eyes shining and grinning widely. He laughed.

"You're gorgeous." He said, hoping he wasn't seeing things.

"Mister Joseph, you shouldn't stare like that."

A pout.

"I'm…s-sorry." He laughed strangely.

"Mister Joseph, I'm sorry for running in front of your car like that. I promise I won't do it again. Will you forgive me?"

He knew that this was all a lie.

It was all an illusion created by his unstable mind.

But he wanted to continue believing this illusion.

Just a bit longer.


[I want to tell you something, Diary. It's a secret though, so don't tell anyone, okay!? Promise me. ]

She was only ten years old.

She was only a child, but that didn't matter to Joseph. He had fallen in love with her when he saw her on that (annoyingly) blinding day in August. He knew the risks he was taking, but that didn't matter to him. Age didn't matter anymore. He didn't care about the age difference anymore. All he knew was he loved her and that was enough to satisfy him. He didn't need another answer.

She was his doll. Nobody else could have her.

Nobody else could love her.

Only he could love that lying little girl.

He gripped the picture frame tightly in his hand, cracking the glass. She was a liar. She had never been with him. She was gone this whole time.

The dance they shared in the large room of his apartment.

It was all a lie.

Joseph stared at her smiling picture in anger. She was so young, but still very beautiful. He loved her very much, even if there was a large gap in age.

He didn't know what to believe in anymore. One of the most real things he could ever know ended up being a lie.

It was all her lie. Even if he chose to believe it and cling on to her lie like a child, it was still a lie. She lied to him.


[I'm in love with Mister Joseph. Sincerely, Marianne. ]