ONE SHOT! Base on a personal experience. When someone asks your crush what he thinks of you and he answers with 'she's just a friend', it hurts, doesn't it? It's even more painful when you're hopelessly in love with him and he considers you as one of his best friends.

Sorry For Being Your Friend.

She stared at herself in the mirror.

I am a big girl, I'll manage.

The dark circles around her eyes masked her once happy and beautiful chocolate eyes. The reason for her sleepless nights? Him of course. Before him, her life had been simple- she was looking forward to going away for college in six months and living with her childhood best friend whom she had not seen since she moved here in England; her mind was set to leaving and she did not allow anyone or anything to be the reason for her to stay but he came and unexpectedly walked in her life and everything changed, she finally found a reason to stay. She'd used up all her efforts to forget about him but her efforts seemed pointless, no matter how much she tried, he still invaded her thoughts every waking moment. She wanted him... but to him, she was just a friend.

It was not love at first sight, she remembered meeting him through a mutual friend. He was childish back then, never paid much attention to her because she was new to their circle of friends. He loved shouting cuss words and doing disgusting activities that she found very immature, on the other hand she loved his boyishness, he would act all manly but other times he was sometimes caring and sensitive and he made her laugh.

"I love him," she admitted to herself. She'd lost proper sleep the moment she realized that three weeks ago. She hated herself for it; how could she fall in love with him? It was unexpected, she had sworn to herself- after what happened to her previous relationships- that she would never ever fall in love again; she knew herself; she knew she would fall easily in love with someone who was kind to her and he did just that. He was more than kind, he made her smile without making an effort and he made her feel important every time he turned his full attention on her. She would miss him five minutes after saying goodbye to him, she somehow became addicted to him.

He made her believe that she had a chance. When she finally felt like she belonged to the group, she spent more time with their friends and with him- she got to know him, though he was boastful and immature, she had found his softer side; she found out his fondness for babies; she liked watching him play with the young ones; it always made her smile. He would flirt back every time she tried to show her affections for him and that made her hopeful for a possibility of them being together.

At first she was on denial, she did not want to believe that she'd fallen in love. Her other reason for her constant yearn for him was because she loved being in his company, who wouldn't? He was popular in the group because of his lewd comments on everything, he made everybody laugh with little effort. She'd told herself it was just a mere infatuation but when she caught herself making excuses just to talk to him, she could no longer fool herself. She'd fallen for him, dangerously and obsessively. She'd lost sleep, each night she thought of only him; she'd lost weight because she couldn't eat. All because of him.

Her hope soon started to shatter. Their group loved to play truth or dare, it was when she found out that she had no chance of being with him. The tip of the empty bottle pointed at him and he'd chosen truth, everyone in their circle of friends knew of her feelings for him so they asked if he had any feelings for her. His answer told her everything she needed to know. At that very moment, she wanted to cry but she only forced a smile and continued to play, she avoided her friends' sympathetic looks and pretended that she was fine, deep down though she felt pain in her heart. That night she cried instead of slept, his answer had simply hurt her and she could not forget the dismissive and cold tone of his voice when he flat out answered, 'She's just a friend'.

She was confused, if he didn't like her and only saw her as his friend, why did he make her believe that he cared? Her friends told her she needed to talk to him about her feelings, she was too much of a coward to do that. It had been three weeks since she realized her feelings for him, a week and a half since they told her to talk to him. She was anxious and asked her friends if he'd mentioned her, asked them what they think of him possibly returning her feelings. Their answer was ambiguous; a friend hinted that she might have a chance but she doubted it, he'd been avoiding her like plague ever since she told them in their game truth or dare that she fancied him, it had cause tension in the group.

Now there she stood in front of the mirror, practising what she was to say to him later. Her friends, including him were coming to her house just to chill out and she'd gathered all her courage and decided to talk to him. She'd been talking to herself in the mirror for the past thirty minutes, practising her speech. She felt like a freak talking to herself but she didn't care.

What would she do if he laughed at her face when she finally told him what she thought of him? Would she cry or would she pretend that it didn't affect her at all? She was such a fool to fall in love with him in the first place, it was all her fault. She'd brought this suffering to herself.

She heard the doorbell rung and her mind snapped back to reality. They're here. He's here. She exited her room and graciously walked down the stairs taking her time to reach the door and open it to let them all in. Each of them greeted her with a hug, including him. His hug was different though, it made her happy and secured but she ignored that feeling. She needed to completely block out that feeling.

"You look like shit," one friend commented,

She grinned, "Thanks," she replied, sarcastically.

"Whoa, been drinking?" another asked, pointing at an empty bottle of vodka on the kitchen counter. Her friends made their selves feel comfortable around the house as if they owned it.

She nodded. They looked at her with concerned eyes, she faked a smile to tell them she was OK.

She'd thought about everything, she guess it was better that he rejected her, she would forget about him soon anyway, right? Because if they did get together, she only had six months until she had to go away. It was better to forget him now than fall even deeper in love, which would make it harder for her to say goodbye.

With a sigh, she turned to him. "Hey, can we talk?" she asked, he was hesitant at first but nodded. Their friends were staring at them as she led him to the garden.

He turned to her, "You OK?" he asked with a weak smile, he knew what was coming.

She took a deep breath "Soon I will be..." there was a pause. "I..." He was looking at her patiently, she was nervous but she needed to get this off her chest. "I've been feeling something more than friendship the past few weeks...about you and I know you're aware of it." she said, quietly. He nodded, "I-I just want to get this o-over with, do I have a chance with you?" she asked, bravely.

He did not have to say, she knew what his answer was by just looking at his apologetic face. "I'm sorry, I ju-"

"No need to apologise, what are you apologising for?," she laughed nervously. She'd cut him off because she did not want to hear the rest. She shrugged, "I've thought about it, even if the feeling was mutual there would never be us, I guess we were never meant to be," she chuckled, "I'll be gone in six months,"

He smiled sadly, "I'll miss you when you go. You're a great girl, any guy would be lucky to have you but I honestly only see you as a friend and nothing more. You know my reputation with girls, you've witnessed my playboy ways. I don't want to hurt you, you're one of my closest and most trusted friends. If you weren't my friend, I had asked you out ages ago,"

She nodded, "Sometimes I'm sorry for being your friend. I really love you, you know but I'll get over it." she assured him and then gave him the most genuine and most friendly smile as she delivered her signature phrase: "I'll manage, after all, I'm a big girl."

He forced a smile and initiated a hug, which she accepted. "Friends? No more flirting, no more teasing?" he proposed and she agreed.

It was better this way, knowing full well from her previous love experiences that she would not last longer than three months, she had all the bad luck when it came to love. Romance, it seemed, do not agree with her. After this so-called closure she hoped her sleeping condition would go back to normal. It would take some time to get over him, her moving abroad would probably help, she was somehow glad she was leaving though she would obviously miss her friends here and him of course. She didn't know when she would see him again, perhaps someday time and fate would work together and he would no longer see her as a friend... who knew? She was scared and excited of the prospect of college, perhaps she would meet someone else who will love her. She would manage, after all, she was a big girl.


//Note// This is base on my personal experience, as most of my one shots are... the 'she' in this story represents me and the 'he' in this story is base on my crush and a good friend of mine called Mark. This happened recently, three weeks ago in fact and I still cannot sleep. Like the girl in this story, I am moving back to study in the Philippines in six months and I also have two massive eye bugs under my chocolate eyes. I wrote this story on the 4rd of January started at 1.03 am and finished at exactly 3.00 am since I cannot sleep so I have decided to write this story,(Remember this is probably why there's a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes, because I'm too tired to go back and check)- I'm guessing that a lot of girls have fallen hopelessly for a friend and can relate to this. 2 days ago, Mark and our friends slept over at my house and that's when I realized that friendship is all there is for us and nothing more though I still have feelings for him but it's futile anyway and I've decided to move on so I suggest to the others who are in the same situation to talk to their crush/friend first. Who knows? They might feel the same way... good luck and thanks for reading.

I am not expecting reviews for this one as I don't think it's good enough; it's a random story that I have to do to past the time and decided to post it. But if you do review, that will be great. Thanks! :D