A chapter turned into a oneshot because I love it so much, and that's pretty rare. ;) If you're curious, it's a chapter from Duct Tape Fixes Everything. Obviously, it can stand on its own.

Quick pronunciation guide:

Joeri: YOO-ri (or Yeri if you're lazy on pronunciation like me)

Caomhe: KEE-va

Celia: CHEL-ya


Pants

"Hey, Benny, give us your pants."

"…What?!" Benny stared at Evander for several moments, praying to God that he was just being weird again. But when Evander, Garrett, and Joeri kept looking at him so expectantly, Benny took one step back, holding out his hands towards the others defensively. "No!"

Garrett sighed. "We were afraid you would say that," he mourned before looking to Joeri, who was holding a walkie-talkie (Benny couldn't see why; they were in the middle of the school hallway).

Joeri pressed the "Talk" button and said, "Bunny isn't cooperating."

"…Bunny?"

"Send in the army."

Out of nowhere, Matthias, Dom, and Rico came sprinting at Benny. Matthias pinned Benny against the opposite wall while Dom and Rico started pulling Benny's pants down.
Benny cried, "HEEEELLLLP! I'M BEING VIOLATED!" He broke away from Matthias, held onto his pants, and started trying to escape down the hallway. What disturbed him was how Rico and Dom were clutching onto his legs, still trying to yank down his pants. Benny stopped in place, realizing his efforts were futile, and snapped, "Stop pulling my pants down!"

Dom and Rico, however, were not about to give up so easily. "Come on! You don't need any pants!" argued Dom with a laugh.

Benny stared at Dom incredulously, pulling up his pants as high as comfort would allow him. He wished he had a belt, although if he did, he wouldn't put it past his sick, twisted friends to take it.

"Dom, Rico, what are you doing to Benny?" the Health class teacher, Mr. Worley, sighed. He shook his head at the three boys, ignoring the other four who were laughing their heads off.

"We're molesting him!" chimed Rico happily.

"We want his pants!" added Dom.

Benny looked at Mr. Worley helplessly. "Help me."

Mr. Worley shook his head and commanded, "Let go of Benny."

"Aww, we're just foolin' around!" said Dom as he and Rico let go of Benny's legs and stood up.

There was a slight pause.

Dom and Rico started to smirk at each other, Benny started blushing and glared at the other two, and then Dom and Rico burst out in laughter.

Mr. Worley looked to Benny. "Get a belt."

As Mr. Worley walked away to his classroom, Benny called after him, "THEY'D JUST TAKE THAT, TOO!"

---

"Psssst. Fiona."

Benny knew that the way Joeri was smirking darkly and the way Garrett was leaning towards Fiona definitely meant that his two friends had other things on their mind besides the in-class writing prompt.

Fiona looked at Caomhe and Leah (who were sitting between the boys and Fiona) instinctively, as if saying, Do either of you know what the boys are plotting?

Caomhe and Leah shrugged and so Fiona turned back to Garrett and whispered back, "What?"

Joeri's smirk turned darker as Garrett whispered, "We want Benny's pants."

Fiona looked between the quickly reddening Benny, Joeri, and back to Garrett. "Why?"

"Cuz Evander, Rico, and Dom corrupted us. And we want Benny's pants."

Fiona stared at Garrett and Joeri incredulously. "You were already corrupted! But why on earth do you want Benny's pants?"

"Cuz." There was something hidden in that "cuz," and none of the girls trusted it.

Fiona blinked. "O…K… what d'you want me to do about it?"

"You're his friend! You can convince him to give up his pants!"

Fiona rolled her eyes and went back to writing.

"Fiona!"

"Garrett, do you have something you'd like to share with the class?" asked Mrs. Lin, crossing her arms.

Now you would expect that Garrett being Garrett, he would reply, "No." But today was different. The boys wanted Benny's pants, doggone it, and they would get them at whatever cost! "Yes," declared Garrett. "We want Benny's pants."

Benny turned ten shades of red as the class roared in laughter. Even Mrs. Lin seemed to be shaking from sheer hilarity. Benny glared at Garrett and Joeri, who were also laughing. Their reasoning was going to be six degrees of demented….

---

"Benny, pleeeeeaaaaase?"

"No."

As can be expected, the boys were not going to give up on getting Benny's pants. Benny had evaded them for two hours, but now it was third hour study hall where Benny sat between Evander and Joeri, two of the most dangerous boys in their group.

Well, at least they can't pull down my pants in class… Benny glanced at Evander and frowned slightly. In theory…

"We'll pay you," offered Joeri hopefully.

Benny was about to say "no," but then he hesitated. "…I'll bite…" He looked at Joeri warily. "…Why do you want my pants?"

Evander and Joeri exchanged a look. Joeri, the cunning ninja that he was, replied, "It's an experiment. We wanna see what happens when an abnormally skinny person-"

"Oh thanks."

"-is cold below his waist and overheated above it." Joeri grinned. Of course he was lying, but it sounded convincing enough to poor, naïve little Benny.

Benny paused. "…How much are we talkin' here?" Now his reaction might seem a tad out of character, so let me explain his curious behavior.

Benny was tapped out. His parents decided that the money he was earning at the hardware store would go in his college fund without leaving any spending money for him. "Every penny matters!" his ridiculously cheap father had said.

And thus, Benny hadn't been able to go to the movies without ringing up a debt with Garrett. This, of course, was making Benny feel frustrated and guilty.

Evander replied with a tempting smirk, "Enough to cover your debt."

Benny hesitated.

---

"Yay, you're taking your pants off!" cheered Matthias as Benny stripped out of his pants (the boys were in the comfort of the boys' bathroom, where far stranger things had happened besides the shedding of pants).

"SpongeBob boxers. Nice," commented Garrett.

Benny shot Garrett a glare as he tossed his pants aside and started putting on his shoes again. "Oh shove it."

Garrett snorted and retorted, "Up yours."

"Dang, Benny, you're pale," said Dom, glancing between Benny and Rico, who was inconspicuously putting the pants in his backpack. Dom fought back a smile.

Benny rolled his eyes. "Not everybody can be naturally tan like you and Evander." He felt incredibly exposed and he was starting to wonder if taking off his pants was worth it. Then he remembered how much he owed Garrett and then decided it was worth it.

"Yeah, but still…" Joeri smiled and said, "Benny, we have a confession to make."

Benny's eyes narrowed. "…What?" he asked slowly, getting a very, very, VERY bad feeling about the whole situation.

"There is no experiment." Evander paused for effect and started to grin. "We just wanted to see if we could get your pants."

"We made a bet with Matt Colby!" added Dom for further explanation.

Benny gaped at them and then noticed his pants were no longer on the floor (probably for the better). "Where are my pants?!" He stared between his so-called friends. "Give me back my pants!"

By this time, the others were laughing hysterically and Rico was pulling on his backpack. Benny's eyes narrowed. "Rico…"

Rico realized that Benny somehow figured out that Rico had his pants, and so bolted out of the bathroom with the cries of, "Run, Rico, run!"

Benny sprinted after Rico, shouting, "GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!"

---

"Fiona?"

Fiona looked from her pudding to Sean, who had joined the girls at their lunch table that day. "Yeah?"

"Benny Petry was running after Rico Vasquez… and he didn't have his pants on." Sean seemed curious and disturbed all at once. "D'you know why?"

Celia's eyes turned into dangerous slits when the other boys emerged from the bathroom, shaking with laughter. "Whatever it is, the boys have something to do with it," she said dryly. She cracked her knuckles and stood up. "Ladies… Sean… if you would please join me."

And so the girls marched out of the cafeteria, Fiona dragging Sean by the wrist, and approached the boys. "OK, what did you do to Benny?" demanded Leah. "And tell us the truth or… we'll stone you."

The boys looked alarmed at Leah's threat. Caomhe rolled her eyes at Leah and said, "No stoning, you understand? No stoning. Of anyone." She turned back to the boys. "Now what did you do to Benny?"

Matthias sniggered, "We tricked him out of his pants." He sighed contentedly. "He's so wonderfully naïve."

"…Why?" asked Celia. She kept glaring at Joeri, who was avoiding Celia's eyes.

"Cuz we made a bet with Matt Colby to see if we could get Benny's pants off of him," said Evander as if that made all the sense in the world.

"Then Rico stole them and-"

"AAGH! BENNY! LEGGO! I'M BEING MOLESTED!!"

"Hm." Dom observed, "Sounds like Benny caught Rico."

"RICO! GIVE ME MY PANTS, DAMN YOU!"

"Now it sounds like the chase is on again." Dom grinned.

The girls exchanged an exasperated look. "You guys are idiots," said Caomhe.

---

"Where are your pants?!"

Benny sighed. It was now sixth hour- the third hour of being pants-less. "Rico took them," he grumbled unhappily. He would have hidden in the bathroom all day, but his so-called friends had told him that if he did, then he wouldn't get paid and so wouldn't be able to pay off his debt.

Ms. Couch (funniest name ever in the boys' opinion beside Mr. Hickey) stared at Benny for a few stunned moments. "Why?" she asked, just as shocked as the girls had been.
Benny started to turn red again. "They made a bet with Matt Colby to see if they could get me out of my pants." He was planning a vendetta involving plastic wrap and an obscene amount of pennies. "They tricked me."

"Did you go down to the Lost and Found?"

Benny nodded miserably. "Nobody else seemed to have lost their pants." Maybe lock them in a room, too….

Ms. Couch shook her head and said as he came in, "Rico, give Benny his pants back." She paused. "Now there's something I never said before."

Rico shrugged. "I don't have them anymore," he said, not sounding in the least bit sorry for what he had done to his friend. "I gave them to someone else."

As if on cue, the loud speaker came on and the entirety of the school heard, "Benjamin Petry, your pants are in the office."

As could be expected, this just made Benny go bright red again as the class burst into laughter. "Excuse me…" mumbled Benny as he walked out of the classroom and hastily made his way towards the office, keeping his head down.

This was so not his day.

---

"…Those aren't my pants."

"Well the person who turned them in said they were."

Benny puzzled over this for a moment. Who the heck would turn in pants and claim that they were Benny's?

Garrett.

It had to be Garrett because 1) Rico had class with Garrett after lunch, and 2) Those were his pants.

Yeah, Garrett was going to have to die.

"Garrett…" growled Benny as he snatched the pants off the counter and stalked towards the bathroom. Garrett was almost twice as big as him; the pants were going to be pretty darn baggy…. Still, it was better than nothing.

Benny snickered. Garrett was almost twice as big as Benny and he had Benny's pants….

---

"Oh hey! You have pants!"

"Yeah, but where did mine go?" Benny was quite alarmed to find that Garrett was not wearing his pants- he had on his own. He suddenly came to the conclusion that Garrett must've skipped fifth hour to run home and get… ah, crap.

"They're at your house, aren't they?" asked Benny dryly.

Garrett grinned. "You can stop by later. And consider your debt repaid- Matt Colby paid up." He chuckled darkly. "That's what happens when you bet with me."

Benny rolled his eyes. "Then why didn't you just give me my pants?"

Garrett gave Benny a duh look. "Because I'm Garrett and I'm evil and didn't want to make it that easy for you. You just be glad I gave you pants at all or didn't give you my sister's." He scowled and snapped his fingers. "Doggone it, I should've given you my sister's."

"You should've," agreed Joeri as he walked up with Evander. "By the way, we're gonna have to explain to the principal why we were molesting Benny."

"Eh, Mr. Ryder's cool." Evander half-shrugged. "We'll just tell him we wanted Benny's pants." He grinned darkly and joked, "Although it was pretty funny..."

Benny glowered at his friends. "I hate you."


Oooh, uncensored! Scandal.

Have some brownies. :)