Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man.
Hope of his one day loving me fueled me in my day to day existence in the first few yearf of our marriage. It was like a cloud that kept me floating above everything ugly in my life. It also kept me chained to him and this town. More so even then the duty my marriage to him had given me. Yes it kept me in 'line' as Sebastian had planed, but it also kept me focused on the wrong things. Here I was this young girl obsessed with a man who would never lover her when I should have been a woman intent on protecting the world. It took the second world war breaking out to wake me up out of hope into reality. It was not my first failure as Keeper but it was my greatest and it was my last. Once the illusion hope had blinded me with was torn asunder, I no longer floated on a cloud, but walked in the mud and all the pain and humiliation that came with it. I now knew he would never love me, that he had only ever used me and would continue to do so. So I took my life in my own hands and I made something of it. Hope is the jars greatest weapon and in my opinion it's greatest evil. And yet hope; god save us all; is often a necessary evil.
-Excerpt from the memoirs of Colleen Mars
Christmas... pros and cons.
You get time off from school: Pro.
You have to spend most of that time with your parents: Con.
You have to listen to great Christmas songs like Silent Night and Handel's Messiah: Pro.
You have to listen to crappy Christmas songs like Oh Christmas tree and Deck the Hall's: Con.
Everyone has to be happy during the holidays: Con.
Everyone is actually miserable during the holidays: Pro.
Not sure that makes me sadistic or cynical or both but I rather people be true to themselves, then be puppets, society's hand stuck up there ass forcing them to do what is expected of them; to be acceptable. Over all I was not a great fan of the holidays at this time of year. Don't get me wrong I love the turkey and stuffing; well until the third day of eating the same thing. The presents were nice too I guess, but as a whole, Christmas was something I could take, or leave, with little care either way. I always suspected my lack of affinity to this holiday of holidays stemmed from the fact I had never believed in Santa Claus. It was a bit of a legend in my family how when I was not much more then a toddler I took a temper tantrum when my mother insisted he was real and I would not believe her. Makes me like to think I was cynical from birth.
My poor mother was horrified by my unwillingness to believe in Santa or the tooth-fairy or the Easter bunny , but I had an ally in my father. He took pride in a daughter who was not easily convinced by fairy tails. His pride over the years in this regard ,though, has waned as my 'perceptiveness' as he called it also fell to more common everyday conventions. I often felt my parents loved me and were proud of me but were never quite sure what to do with me. They were great parents on the whole, they gave me my space and respected my differences even if I could see at times they had a hard time relating to me.
So Christmas at our house was a laid back affair. We would do some rounds to the neighbors and business associates of my father but at home it was simple. Christmas morning found us in our living room exchanging gifts and eating sugar cookies; well they were, I could not bring myself to touch one ; all still dressed in our pj's. My dad was opening his gift from my mother when the doorbell rang.
We all shared a collective look of confusion. "Well I suppose one of us should go answer that." My mother sounded annoyed, and huffed as she got up out of her chair. She shot me a warning look trying to ward me off from stealing the plush Laz-E-Boy she had just abandoned. She had no hope, I leaped up off the floor and jumped into the chair as soon as her back had left the room a grin of victory on my features and my father chuckling.
"You know she is just going to kick you off when she gets back"
"She can try" I then dug my hands into the bountiful cushions ready for any method my petite but athletic mother might pull to reclaim her chair. It was not until my the muscles in my hands started to cramp that I realized she was taking a long time to answer the door. I shot my father a questioning look and he shrugged, lifting himself off the couch.
"I suppose we should go make sure she was not abducted by some guy dressed up as Santa Claus" He joked.
I looked at him warily, not sure this was not all some elaborate ploy to get mom's chair back for her. But I could not conceive of how they could have planned it with me sitting right here, so reluctantly I let loose my grip on the chair, and followed my father. My living room was at the back of the house leading out into the garden. Between it and the front door was the dining room and kitchen. As I approached the entrance way I could hear my mother's voice. It was high pitched, breathy and going a million miles a minute. She was obviously talking to someone but as they were not being given the chance to get a word in edge wise I had no clue as to who was at the door, only that my mother was very excited that they were here.
Nearly running into my fathers back as he came to a sudden stop I poked my head around him, my heart leaping into my mouth as I saw Lucien standing in the door way. Snow was piling on his head and shoulders and he looked slightly harassed but benevolent as he stood there indulging my mothers excited and nervous babbling. A look of relief crossing his features when he first spotted me.
"Spero." His low voice showed his relief at seeing me the tips of his mouth twisting up slightly. My mother snapped out of her inane babbling at the sound of Lucien's voice. She stood there just gawking at him my father doing pretty much the same thing. I imagine it was like a dream come true for them, one they never imagined their introverted daughter would ever fulfill. Lucien Mars on their door step asking for her, a Christmas present in hand.
"Hey Lucien, come inside off the door step, you must be getting cold." He probably wasn't as I had over time noticed his inhuman ability to stay warm at all times, but I was actually aware that I was still dressed in my Tweety Bird jammys and so blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. His smile of gratitude was well worth it. My knees threatening to melt away at the sight, and mom stepped back as he made his way into the house her eyes flicking between the two of us, a smile of her own forming and I was sure visions of weddings danced in her head. My father a little slower to break out of his shock slipped into his business face, his spin going strait and holding his chin a little higher then he normally did. It was promotions he was having visions of.
"I'm Spero's father, Douglas," my father said, holding out his hand to Lucien. "And you have met my wife Joan. I have to say you are most welcome here my boy." Lucien accepted the greeting with a hand shake, a look of amusement growing across his face. He shot me a look that clearly told me he knew exactly what was going through my parents heads. I wanted to die but as far as I knew embarrassment was not life threatening, one could hope though... right?
My parents ushered us both back to the living room. My mom was going out of her way to try and make Lucien feel at home, and me feel like an ass. "Lucien dear would you like something to eat, or drink or anything at all that we can get for you?" She looked over at me meaningfully. Thanks mom, you gonna ask him to be the father of your first born grandchild next? On entering the living room I looked at the chair my mom and I fought over and wanted to crawl under it rather then into it.
"So how long have you been friends with our little bird?" My father just had to call me a bird, something he had given up years ago. Could this get any worse. Lucien raised a brow at me and I could tell he was having a hard time not laughing over the whole situation. What was wrong with him, he should have run screaming from the house at this point. It's what any normal boy his age would have done.
"For a few months now." Lucien sat himself in the love seat my mother took back her chair and my father... the man who should be discouraging any boy from physical contact with his daughter; sprawled himself out taking up the entire couch. Leaving the only empty seat the one next to Lucien, who was loving every moment of my discomfort. They all stared at me as I hesitated joining him on the love seat. If I thought I could have gotten away with it I would have sat on the floor but I know to big a commotion would have been made over it making the horrid situation worse then it already was.
Instead I simply shot a death glare at Lucien as I sat down next to him. My parents looked on approvingly as I suddenly felt a warm muscular arm draped across the back of the couch, his fingers playing with a loose curl on the nape of my neck. A small squeak escaped my lips and I had to resist the urge to smack his hand away.
My parents were watching every move and expression between us making me feel like an ant under a lens being burned alive. They were loving every moment of it and Lucien was as well but for very different reasons. Actually I was not quite sure what game he was playing, making my parents believe we were dating. I could not bring myself to tell him to shove off, it would break my parents hopes and frankly I was enjoying the subtle caress to the point of stupidity.
"I have to say this is the first we learnt of your... ummm... friendship. My daughter never has been one for revealing her personal life, even to her parents." My father's tone was wistful and I felt a pang as I was once more in my life faced with his disappointment in how his only child turned out.
"Yeah, she helped me out with something a while back and I have been driving her around to pay her back and well I guess you can say everything else just fell into place." Lucien was way to clever for his own good I decided. He told them everything with out revealing a thing. Just enough to wet my parents appetite to know more about the exact nature of our relationship.
"Guess that explains why she suddenly stopped pouting at me for drives to and from school." My father chuckled.
"It has been my pleasure to take care of her." It's been his what to what? I gaped at Lucien, his statement like a sucker punch to my solar plexus.
"It's good to know she is in such great hands." My mother beamed as the conversation had 'me' wondering if I should start looking for a wedding dress... I had to get out of this room and away from my parents and fast. The walls felt like they were closing in around me as everyone talked about me like I was an infant incapable of taking care of herself.
"Geez you all make me sound like an invalid... I can and do take care of myself." I finally found a moment of silence long enough to get a word in my defense.
"That's our Spero... such an independent soul." I was not sure if my father was boasting or apologizing... at a guess a little bit of both. "You know she learnt how to walk before crawling, and did it all on her own. She would sit there and watch us and one day she pulled herself up and just did it. No help from us or anything," he chuckled "if we even tried to offer a hand she would take a fit." I could feel Lucien's eyes on me as my father told his story and it took all my will power not to look back at him. All I could concentrate on was his fingers tugging my curl and touching the nape of my neck sending shivers down my spine and goose bumps across my skin.
I had not forgotten our last meeting, it haunted my dreams both waking and sleeping. The sight of him with another girl was a nightmare I could not shake. I had not been sleeping or eating right for days and I both counted and dreaded the day's back to school, when I figured I would see him again. This visit was not expected at all but I was happy to see him even if I was doing an imitation of a tomato over the whole situation with my parents.
"Ummm... my present for you is upstairs, just give me a sec I'll go get it." It was the truth and a convenient one as I needed to get away from them all for a few minutes.
"Oh nonsense Spero, Lucien is more then welcome to go with you. I am sure he did not come here to spend time with us old folks. Besides I'm sure you two probably want to exchange gifts with out an audience" I blinked at my mother in shock. Did she just invite a boy into my bedroom... it was an odd feeling to know one's mother probably hoped you would get pregnant. Okay I was probably being too harsh on her, I am sure my mom had no such wish. But I was still embarrassed by her eagerness to push me at Lucien. He, however, seemed to be having an increasingly difficult time trying not to laugh out loud.
It was two flights of stairs up to my room the last of which had to be pulled down from the ceiling. I was going to pull over my stool over so I could reach the tag but Lucien smirked at me cockily and just reached up and tugged the stairs down.
"Show off," I grumbled, causing his smirk to grow.
I started up the stairs with him following behind me, making the hairs at the back of my neck stand on end. My stomach was doing a gymnast routine and my heart a drum solo. Lucien was up to something and my senses were telling me everything was about to change. It was something I had said I wanted, did want, but now in the face of it I was a little freaked out by it.
With raw nerves I started to pace the space of my room as I watched him take his last step up the stairs then reach down and in a show of strength that was shocking me less and less pulled the stairs up and closed behind him.
"I don't think my parents would approve...I mean it's not like I have ever had a boy in here before so it's never been an issue..." In one fluid motion Lucien tossed the present onto the bed and crossed the room to me in three long strides that a panther would envy, " but I am sure they would not--"
"And I am sure they don't care were I am concerned." He interrupted my nervous babbling. I could not argue. I wanted to but he was right and he was standing really, really closely pretty much causing me to go mute from the tight lump forming in my larynx. He reached up a hand and brushed the tips of his fingers across my cheek pushing back a few of my curls and cupping my cheek in his hand. A soft gasp of air caressed my lips in reaction. "But if 'you' want me to put them back down..." He trailed off waiting for my response.
I shook my head in the negative committing myself to the path we were taking here, my voice still eluding me. He smiled down at me, his features soft an expression I could not define but that made my heart shout in delight, covering his face. Then in a sudden movement of both strength and speed of the inhuman kind he picked me up by the waist and plopped me down on my desk bringing our faces almost level. I was now staring straight at his lips and he was standing between my knees and I was sure my body was going to pop my nerves were strung so tight.
He leaned his forehead against mine and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. A shudder ran through his large body as he let his breath out. His eyes were closed but I kept mine open not wanting to miss a single expression or movement. Waiting for him to say something I reached out and took his hands in mine giving them a squeeze. His eyes snapped open our eyes met, and my toes curled. I was having a hard time believing this was happening and something of that must have crossed my face, becuase then he asked me.
"You have to know how I feel about you." His voice was gruff and low. I shook my head and dropped my eyes. And that is when he kissed me. His lips were hot and gentle and this kiss was nothing like the one I had with Gabe. With Gabe I could think and analyze, with Lucien I could only react as sensation took over my brain functions. I did not notice wrapping my arms around his neck or pulling him closer, only that the kiss became more intense. His hands cupped the back of my head his fingers tangling in my curls his thumbs caressing the sides of my face. I like to imagine we would have stayed like this forever if the inconvenient need for oxygen did not interrupt us. He pulled back his breath coming in short pants, my own following suit.
Our eyes, closed for the kiss, now opened and met. My cheeks flushed already, turned even more red. The intensity of his gaze was making me squirm but I did not look away. I don't think I could have even if my life depended on it. "Spero... say something" I could hear the nerves in his voice. He had just laid himself out bare for me, who wouldn't want some reassurance. So when I said what I did next I could have hit myself, but I also knew I could not have helped it for the life of me.
"I... I saw you, with that girl, at Gabe's party, why did you...?" The air needed to be cleared if we were going to make something of our feelings. And as inconvenient or painful it might be I was not one to run away from the hard issues in life.
He pulled away from me the air went cold. A look of hurt flashed across his face before he put up his mask of indifference. I hated when he got like this but I was not gong to back down. He was to important to me as was this possible relationship. "Don't you dare run away Lucien Mars, figuratively or literally." I called him on his reaction "If I did not want this to work I would not care enough to bring up the hard stuff." I slid off the desk and closed the space between us.
He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before the tension eased out of him and he shrugged. "We weren't in a relationship at the time Spero... and I needed some kind of outlet after the day I had just had." He was defensive and had a good point, I had not been his girlfriend at the time.
"Well it hurt." I whispered the fact it was still hurting pretty clear.
"I didn't know you would be there... I'm sorry" He reached for my hand and placed a kiss on the back of my knuckles "I don't ever want to hurt you. I can promise you, that if you will have me, there is no one else for me but you." I could see him wince over the romance novel line but he did not back away or take it back. My heart swelled and I knew I could let it go now that I had the reassurance I needed.
"Good, because I would hate to have to break some girls nose." I teased as I leaned into him resting my head on his chest marveling that I now had the right to do this. His arms wrapped around me and I inhaled his bonfire scent listing to the sound of his heart beat.
"Hmmm, might be fun to watch though." He chuckled causing his chest to rumble.
"Ha, won't be so fun when I break your nose next."
His chuckle turned into a full fledged laugh "You can't even reach my nose never mind break it."
"Yeah I'm sure John Forge was as cocky about my ability's to break his nose as well."
"Actually I think he's half in love with you for it... says you got balls." Lucien then pulled me towards the bed "Come on, you still have to open your present." We plopped onto the bed sitting next to each other his arm around my back hand on my hip.
"I don't suppose it's a book with a list off all your secrets?" I eyed him, hopeful he would get my hint and tell me everything I know he was still keeping from me.
"No." He gave me a strange look as he struggled with what to tell me. I hoped now that we had crossed a line he would finally trust me enough to let me further into his life, but I also knew it was not likely. "Spero... I want you to be safe, have choices. Once you know to much you will lose all that, and I am not ready to take normalcy away from you forever." He handed me the present.
"So it's not a matter of not trusting me?" I squeaked out my hurt over this belief loud and clear.
"Never." He kissed my forehead.
"I am not so sure I am safer not knowing." I whispered as I started to to open the package.
"Well you are just going to have to trust 'me' " His hand was massaging my hip gently making my mind spin but not enough to distract me.
I sighed in frustration "I do trust you, I just don't like being left out of any aspect of your life." I was fiddling with the present more then opening it. There was still just so much between us that we needed to deal with.
"Well, I am not budging on this." His jaw was tensing up with each word.
"I already know so much, it's only a matter of time before I connect the dots on my own." I warned, not sure if I was bluffing or not.
"Just so long as it takes time." He countered before pointing to the still unopened present on my lap "So are you going to open it?" He clearly was switching the subject and I let him for now. This conversation was far from over but I was sure it was gong to be an ongoing one for a while to come.
"Fine, fine, change the subject, but this conversation will be continued at a later--" I eyed him pointedly "but not that much later, date." Curious, and excited as to what he had gotten me I ripped open the wrapping paper with the flare of a stripper on fast forward. Under the wrapping was a velvet box... a jewelry box, not the kind a ring or earrings would be in. It was flat long and rectangular, my eyes flicked up to his, a little shocked and questioning. I knew he was rich I just did not expect jewelry.
"Just open it already." He grinned at me, obviously excited to see my reaction. He kind of looked like a kid who was about to get a puppy or something and so I delayed opening the box just to enjoy the site of him. He groaned over my pause and took maters into his own hands sliding his hand off my waist so I was now between both is arms as he lifted the lid up revealing a delicate gold chain that held a beautiful golden sparrow charm. It was simple and exquisite, some minor filigree on the wings and tail and a small emerald for its eye.
I gasped and he leaned in, resting his chin on my shoulder I could feel his smile across my cheek "I saw it an thought of you." His fingers started to undo the clasps that were holding it in place.
"But my name is not Sparrow." I reminded him still in shock over his gift.
"No but you still remind me of one." He lifted the chain out of it's box and pulling away clasped it around my neck, as I held my hair out of his way. His fingers lingered at the back of my neck causing me to shiver.
"How so?" I was not sure how me reminding him of a sparrow would translate into a compliment and curiosity demanded I find out.
"Myth has it the Sparrow is the keeper of the soul," He pulled back and with a hand turned my head so we were now looking at each other "and my soul is yours." And then his kissed me, our lips only brushing against the other in the most lingering of way's. His hand in my hair ,though, clenched and the emotion around us raged, the room getting very hot suddenly. All in very stark contrast to the gentle almost innocent contact of our lips.
Pulling away from each other a few moments later our gazes locked and we stared at the other our eyes speaking with more meaning then our mouths ever could. "I still have to give you my present." I whispered a little shy over the attention he was lavishing on me. Reluctantly I slid off the bed and away from him walking over to my closet where the gift I had for him was safely stored away.
"It's not nearly as nice as what you got me." I warned, how was I to know he would tell me I was the keeper of soul changing the dynamic of our friendship forever and by default the nature of what kind of gifts we could get each other. Lucien gave me a look as if I was crazy.
"You have given me plenty." His grin was cocky and I hurmphed handing him the big gift bag full of tissue paper.
"Well your just gonna have to take more it would seem." I actually was kind of nervous that the gift would offend him, I had after weeks of debating and shopping finally settled on it half jokingly, but the boy could use it big time. He started pulling the items out of the bag. Some ocean relaxation music, a pack of incense, a yoga DVD and a book on meditation.
"Are you trying to tell me you think I am wound up too tight?" He asked, the grin never having left his features.
"Ummm and well a few temper issues..." I bit my bottom lip the corner of wobbling as I tried to keep a straight face.
"Fair enough." He chuckled before planting a light kiss on my lips. "But you have to promise to do all of this with me.... you learning Yoga could have great... benefits." He winked at me.
"Oh I know it's really good for one's mind, body, and soul, I have actually been doing it for years. My mom is really in to it and makes me work out with her." The innuendo of his comment going right over my head had him laughing and pulling me into his arms.
"Spero you are a contradicting enigma." His head was resting on mine and my body was lost in his. For the first time ever I found myself enjoying the differences in our sizes, his enveloping embrace making me feel safe and loved. "So cynical and jaded and yet so innocent, and naive." I did not argue with him although I was confused by, and not exactly in agreement with his statement. But I was enjoying his arms around me to much to bother starting a disagreement over my nativity or lack there of.
"So why now?" I broke the comfort of our silence with my curiosity. "What made you suddenly decide to," I began blushing, "well you know... kiss me? Just last week you were hooking up with someone else and now here we are..." Yeah so I pushed that button again, even I cringed over it.
A low slow sigh left his chest and I could tell he was not a fan of the deep questions, no surprise there. "Because when I saw your reaction at the party I thought I had a shot."
My brow furrowed as my mind raced over that revelation... Lucien Mars had though he did not have a shot with me! It was a little to much for my brain to process all at once. "But... wait... How could you ever think that you wouldn't?" There was not a girl in all of Pandora regardless of age or relationship status who he did not have a shot with.
Shrugging "Well you made it pretty clear you wanted away from this town and everyone in it..." That I had done indeed and now I wanted to hit myself. "It wasn't until I saw how hurt you were at the party... and then heard from John how you acted in the SUV that afternoon, that I thought you might not want to get away from me so badly like you do everything else around here." His arms tightened around me and I snuggled back into him. I didn't want to think of my plans after graduation at this moment... not sure where I stood but knowing I was not ready to give up leaving Pandora for good.
"Does that kind of thing happen often? You almost dying?" I whispered pretty sure I was not going to like the answer.
"It's relative I guess on what exactly you mean by 'almost dying'... and that is the only answer you are getting today." He stood up and slid me off his lap so I stood in front of him. "My mother is going to be taking a fit wondering where I am on Christmas morning. So as reluctant as I am to leave I'd rather avoid another near death experience this week.." He kissed the top of my head and taking my hand in his headed downstairs, my gift to him hanging from the other hand.
On reaching the entrance to my house he stopped and pulled me into his arms for one last kiss sending me a mischievous grin right before his lips touched mine. I didn't have much chance to wonder as my brain was overtaken by the pleasure of his kiss. It was not until I thought I hear my mother squealing in the background ruining the moment that I clued in. We Pulled apart and Lucien looked at me sheepishly.
"My parents are having their annual New Year's Eve party, you and your parents should come." He brushed a lock of hair back off of my face and placed on last peck on my forehead.
"Oh we would be delighted Lucien," My mother accepted for us as my father stepped up to Lucien and shook his hand.
"Pleasure meeting you my boy, please feel free to come over any time and call us Douglas and Joan." For a second I worried my father was going to ask Lucien to call my parents mom and dad. But it all went smoothly enough and I only had the urge to crawl under a rock once or twice.
I lay cocooned in my blankets, only my side light on, the rest of my room a blinding darkness. The warmth of my blankets kept the cold air that seeped in from the aged windows of my bedroom at bay, the soft whistling of wind a whisper in my ear. Colleen Mars's memories lay open on my lap as I tried to figure out how she could have been responsible for the breakout of WWII. But the damage in the book was to severe around that passage to glean anymore insight. My reading light flickered, a reflection of the questionable wiring in my home.
I read the passage once more. How she laments her stupidity and vanity and the evils of hope, claiming it was the 'jars' greatest weapon and how it had trapped her with it. A shadow crept across the corner of my peripheral vision. Snapping my head to see what was moving I only saw blackness in the far corner of the attic. I pulled the blankets up tighter around my neck and closed the book. I was pretty sure I was psyching myself out at this point with fanciful thoughts of Pandora's Box or jar as the earlier myths claimed it to be.
The palms of my hands were suddenly cold and the light flickered out. "Just bad wiring, just bad wiring." I repeated to myself in hopes to dispel this mood of foreboding that had over come me. I refused to let myself be frightened by my over-active imagination and so decided to sleep. I pulled the blankest up around me lay down fully and closed my eyes. The glass in the windows rattled as the wind or a tree tried to slash their way into my room.
"Spero." The words slid in through the cracks of my window frame riding the wind through my bedroom. The hairs on my arms stood up on end and my spine felt as if someone had just trailed a feather down it. Sitting back up I once more inspected the dark covered room to no avail. I exhaled the breath of air I had not realized I had been holding to see a puff of white vapor. How had my room gotten so cold?
Pushing the blankets off of me, still refusing to believe in the boogie man calling my name I slid one foot, then another to the cold floor. The large tree in front of my house must have pushed a window open, letting in the cold air and noisy wind. Tucking my cold hands under my armpits I walked over to where the bay window was located. Navigating in the dark was no easy feat even if I did know the lay out of my room.
The sky outside was pitch black no moon or stars were waiting to greet me as I reached the window. Nor were any of my windows open. My heart started to pound and my bed had never seemed so far away before. Not that it would protect me if there actually was something in my room with me.
The hair on my shoulder shifted as if someone was pushing it it away from my neck. I felt the soft touch of fingers and, 'Spero' was then whispered right into my ear. It was at this point I did what any reasonable woman would do. I screamed and screamed and then screamed again. The lights snapped on and popped and I could hear the heavy thuds of my fathers feet running up the stairs to my bedroom.
"Spero" His voice laced with fear and concern made me jump about two feet off the floor as his words echoed the creepy wind in my ear. Creepy wind in my ear? I had to be loosing my mind... this town was finally getting to me.
Shaking my head in an attempt to lose the chill in my body and brain "I'm find dad... just had a spook is all." My voice shaky, I tried to reassure him. How could I reassure someone else when I was completely freaked out?
He walked over to me and pulled me into his arms giving me a squeeze "What happened to the lights?" Good question.
"Wiring?" It was the only answer I could give... or that he could accept. I was pretty sure it was not the wiring though.
Sooo sorry this took so long but life that evil thing happened. It just kind of jumped out of no where and attacked me :o .... I hope to get back on track over the next few weeks but I can't promis I will as I have been working some crazy hours :(..
To all who reviewed thank you so much. You all kept me plugging away at this even when I was to exhausted to type. A thanks to my betas and all your hard work I could not write anything worth reading with out you guys.
So I hope to hear from you all again... Love it, hate it, I would love to know what you think :)