A/N: I have to idea where this came from. I think that when I started to write it, I was going to make it more serious. But it kinda just turned into a joke. ^^; I still like it, though.

I've put little numbers next to certain lines that I thought might confuse people. Just scroll down, and the explanation will be next to the certain number. There's a lot about vampire lore that isn't always used anymore. :-/

But anyway, enjoy!

I thought he was an average Joe;

What did I know?

I mean, sure he was hot,

But I'd never have thought…

.

My God, this is weird.

He's the thing that I've feared.

Okay, everyone, but still; (1)

This just can't be real.

.

At least they make sense now,

Those pet peeves and quirks.

Like how he hates being snuck-up on,

And why sometimes, he lurks.

.

Or how his eyes seem to change color,

(It was not just the lighting!).

And when I make comments on the sun,

It ends up with us fighting.

.

When he made that "steak" joke,

I now get what he meant. (2)

And why he made me stop taking

My garlic supplement. (3)

.

Why he never goes tanning,

And stays so damn pale.

Or how he freaked out that one time

I gashed my finger on a nail.

.

Why he hates seeing movies,

That have lots of blood.

Or why he carries around,

That small bag of mud. (4)

.

It all makes so much sense now,

That I finally know.

Though I'm still now sure if I

Should stay or should go.

.

I wanted to think,

That he was just a liar.

But there's no denying it;

My BF's a vampire.

.

.

.

(1) This part's a bit confusing, and not very good. I've basically given the implication that the narrator is scared of vampires; the "I've" is to indicate that they think they're the only person who is, but they then relent add "everyone," saying that everyone is scared of vampires.

(2) Heh heh heh, I got this from a lame joke I heard. :-D

"What's a vampire's least favorite food?"

"What?"

"A steak!"

As in, ya know, "steak," but it sounds like "stake"...

I'll stop now.

(3) Remember the days when vampires were allergic to garlic? This is a small tribute to those times. XD

(4) I figured that this one would be the least understood. In vampire folklore, it used to be believed that a vampire had to keep a small supply of soil from his/her homeland, else they would die. This is shown is Annette Curtis Klause's vampire novel, the Silver Kiss.

A/N: Well, there it is! I could probably make it longer if I wanted to, and add in more lore. I didn't even get into coffins, bats, crosses, or how some people used to think that vampires had reflective nails. Maybe some other time. I hope you all liked the poem!

Sincerely, auburn-haired-sadist-XD