I never thought that you could break me apart

"I love you," you promised. You lied.

I count the days since I last spoke to you; it's just five. Five days since you told me that you loved me so much that it hurt. Less than one hundred and twenty hours since you swore that you cared. Less than seven thousand, two hundred minutes since I lay awake on the phone with you. Less than four hundred and thirty-two thousand seconds since you told me I was your world.

What changed in those seconds? Didn't I care enough? Didn't I try hard enough to keep you close to my heart? Didn't I do everything I my power to be with you?

Didn't I love you hard enough?

Its too late baby there's no turning around

"I can't do this anymore," you told me. You shattered my world with those five words.

I read that on the little screen and I know what's coming. Six syllables; the end of the past eight months of my life. Nineteen letters and everything I want to say goes out the window. My heart cracks and I know what's next. A rush of emotion overwhelms me and I hold back tears; you can't see me, but I won't let myself cry. Crying is accepting things.

I will not cry.

Don't let it be another breakdown

"I can't stand not seeing you; I can't stand the distance," you explain to me. Such a bitter-sweet irony.

I can't bear to read anymore of this conversation. I want to go back to the laughter and innocence. I remember the sheer bliss of what we used to be – the ecstasy of waking up and knowing I had you out there. I couldn't imagine not having you to turn to. What's a little distance in the internet generation? No-one said it would be easy.

What's thirty kilometres when I love you?

Can you, will you, at least attempt to stay now?

"Do you still want to be friends?" – Your feeble attempt at compromise. The cliché hurts more than anything else you've said.

I picture myself talking to you and pretending not to care. I see myself being with you on those rare occasions and pretending not to be in love with you. No, I don't want to be your friend; I don't want any of that pain. I refuse to become the clichéd best friend in the movie who's in love with the protagonist.

I tell you yes.

I'd rather live a lie than say goodbye

"Do you want me to call?" you ask. No-one ever pretended guys were smart.

You're saying things but my eyes are blurred; I can't read it anymore, or I won't. I convince myself to breathe, and draw a long shuddering breath; one. Another is two. The phone rings – your voice is on the other end. What do you do when the only one who can stop you from crying is the reason you're in tears? I try to remember something happy.

All I can think of is you.

If home is where the heart is then my home is where you are

I don't say goodbye. Instead I start counting.

I count the steps as I walk from that room – the first steps of my brand new life; the one without you. I count the number of days I go without you; five months and two days at last calculation. I count the number of times I think of you in a day; slowly falling. I count the number of hours I go before I think about you; slowly growing. Counting is my way of coping.

If you call it coping.

I wish it was raining, coz I hate every beautiful day

"I miss you," I admit. But only to myself.

I know how tonight will be – just the same as all the others. I'll spend it trying to forget how to remember you. I'll wish I could stop wishing for you. And I'll wake up and wonder if you regret it…

And what I would do if you did.


Author's Note:
I wrote this for an english assignment on love. if any of you, my dear readers, have read some of my other stuff, you will notice that i have used the final paragraph before, in another piece. i originally wrote the paragraph as a thought in my diary, and it was about the circumstance this story is about, as well as what the other story is was in is about. i put it in this story coz i thought it fitted, and intially i didnt plan on putting this story up here...but now i have coz i'm quite happy with it. so yeah, just thought id explain that.

also, the lyrics in this aren't my property, and i take no credit for them. the belong to boys like girls, the audtion, goodnight nurse and sugarcult respectively.

have a happy day!